Martin Luther King Day
I just spent the past hour or so reading about the great Martin Luther King Jr. and watching not only his "I Have a Dream" speech but also a few other civil rights videos. I just spent the past 30-45 minutes crying. I don't know what happened but seeing Dr. King speak and various other videos of the times hit me at such a deep level that all I could do was cry. In his speech he says that 100 years after President Lincoln "freed" the slaves, Blacks still found themselves in a terrible position. Now, 40+ years later we've made progress but our country is still not united. As a whole it's easy to say that America is desegregated and in terms of the law, it most certainly is. Not to discredit the progress that has been made but there is SO MUCH MORE that needs to be done. Racism and segregation still occurs on a daily basis in every state of this country. Here in Kentucky there are obvious acts of racism. Here in Louisville and even here at Bellarmine. I wish that I knew what I could do to fix these issues. I feel guilty for not having addressed these things earlier and not bothering to recognize or acknowlege my true feeling about my race where I am now. I have always been the person who never mentioned race because not only would it make the person I was talking to uncomfortable, but it made me feel the same way. But why should it? It is preached to us that everyone should be treated equally but it seems that minorities (or maybe just me) have to trade in equality for identity. In order to "fit in" and be like everyone else when I moved to Florence, KY, I acted like the people I was surrounded by. When I got to high school I was shunned by most of the Blacks at my school who were from the city (not the suburbs like me) because I "acted White". I was torn and I remain torn to this day. I don't know how to "act Black" because I AM BLACK. There's no need to act. But why should being Black involve me speaking in slang or like I'm uneducated and only listening to rap and hip hop? Am I allowed to be Rennay or do I have to be a "Black girl"?
This isn't just a struggle that's going on within myself or in my social group but it's a problem that I see on campus everyday. I've been racking my brain to figure out why I don't like being at Bellarmine and why I feel so out of place. A big part of it is that I really don't fit in. There are times when I'm with my White friends and I mention being Black and they immediately change the subject or ignore it. I discuss being attracted to Black men and I'm immediately cut from the conversation about guys. Or the conversation changes completely. For once in my life I would like for my White friends to acknowlege that I'm Black and for my Black friends not to judge me. I get so self conscious on campus when I see a group of minorites together because I want so badly to say something to them or to eat lunch with them but I fear that it will be just like high school and I won't be "Black enough" for them. I distinctly remember sitting with a Black friend in the couch area here and getting looks from the small groups of Whites around us. They weren't rude looks or anything for me to get angry over, but they were looks. That same day we were sitting together and a girl was playing music from her laptop. I don't know what she was listening to but I remember a song starting with "Well I'll find me a nigger". She quickly muted the sound before peeking over her shoulder at me and my friend. Neither of us said anything but I do remember the group snickering as we walked away. I don't want to be paranoid and say they were snickering at us but nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder what they were thinking about the situation and furthermore if they even remember it now.
The point is not that I'm Black and I want every White person to tell me that I am. The point is not that I want every Black person to tell me that I am. The point is that the Civil Rights movement happened for a reason but that it should still be moving. We have yet to make it Dr. King's Promised Land. This isn't an issue that only happens in Alabama and Mississippi. This isn't just a problem that occurs at Auburn University or Georgia State. These problems occur right here at home. Right in Louisville and right at Bellarmine. So please, celebrate Martin Luther King Day. I know most people used it as an extra day to get drunk and sleep in or do homework but just try to stop and think about what the day is. I'm not asking everyone to watch videos and cry like I did but for a second just imagine what things would have been like if you'd never met anyone of another race or if Dr. King had never existed. Maybe even go to my posted items and check out a video or two that I've put up. It's one thing to be ignorant but it's another thing to be ok with that. Please just take a minute or two to educate yourself. In fact, if you have a question about the Black culture or anything to say that you've maybe been afraid to say, message me, call me, come talk to me. I want to teach people what I can and I want people to learn as much as they can from me. So please, between going out to lunch or grocery shopping, just take a look around and thank Dr. King for everything he did.