San Francisco AKA Hell on Earth
Greetings!
Has anyone wondered what comes out at night in San Francisco? Sure we see lots of creepies during the day, yelling about how we are all "damned to hell" for consuming anything in a plastic bottle, and the completely non violent but somewhat scary man who rides the MUNI all day screaming that everyone "is bunch freakin' idiots". However, we all know that the scary things tend to be a bit more nocturnal. This is the same in San Francisco.
It just so happened that I was hanging out at Starbucks until midnight last night. As it was very late and would have been a somewhat nerve-racking walk home alone, I enlisted a male friend to walk me there. Or...take a MUNI train, a bus, and then walk me there. The man in the little box in the train station assured me that the 17 bus ran until one in the morning, so this should give said friend enough time to walk me home and then take a night bus back downtown. He was wrong (imagine that). After several minutes of shrugging and looking around, we finally sat down on a bus with my stop written right on the front (clever me). The only problem, we found out sometime later, was that it didn't get to my stop until A BIT AFTER THREE, turning out to be the most interesting night, or morning, I have had since moving to San Francisco.
The 91 bus is the only bus line running from midnight to seven am. This means that it goes from the ghetto to Nob Hill, downtown to the suburbs. So we settled ourselves in for a nice two hour bus ride, as there really was no other possible way to get to the apartment. . Oh the people we saw in the three hours we were on the OWL.
Weird person #1,12:35 AM: Strange mostly-toothless woman with a scrapbook and a back of Ruffles potato chips. Possibly a hooker. No...most certainly a hooker. She would flip through her scrapbook (I shudder to think what was in it), munch some potato chips with her two remaining teeth, and chat with all the men about the possibility of making a "memory."
Weird person #2: A berry berry derunk woman hoo liiked to shpill her derink an yell shtuff.
Weird person #3: Got onto the bus to be transported from one ghetto to the other. Wore clothes that would fit Jabba the Hut, although he wasn't even the size of Family Guy's Stewie. Apparently with all the money he spent on the crack and his iPod, there wasn't enough left for a cab.
Weird person #4: Mysterious hooded man who sat down behind us and began singing "The Wheels on the Bus." We got up and moved approximately five times within the thirty minutes this man was on the bus, as the man found it necessary to come and sit in the row right in front of us each time, moving his hood aside so we could only see one eye, while very slowly singing "go rouuund and roouunnd..."
Weird person #5: The bus driver herself. She wore beads of fake pearl necklaces over her ears, and a fake diamond necklace which she had hanging from the starting point of her ponytail on top of her head down her forehead, ending up between her eyes. Ooh shiny!
We make it off the bus eventually after about the fifth time that I inform my friend someone got DECAPITATED on a Greyhound recently, and I find myself very grateful that I did not try and make this trip on my own, as I probably would have ended up a "memory" because the hooded man had made wheels out of my skin.
Jeez
Me neither. Jeez.
Has anyone wondered what comes out at night in San Francisco? Sure we see lots of creepies during the day, yelling about how we are all "damned to hell" for consuming anything in a plastic bottle, and the completely non violent but somewhat scary man who rides the MUNI all day screaming that everyone "is bunch freakin' idiots". However, we all know that the scary things tend to be a bit more nocturnal. This is the same in San Francisco.
It just so happened that I was hanging out at Starbucks until midnight last night. As it was very late and would have been a somewhat nerve-racking walk home alone, I enlisted a male friend to walk me there. Or...take a MUNI train, a bus, and then walk me there. The man in the little box in the train station assured me that the 17 bus ran until one in the morning, so this should give said friend enough time to walk me home and then take a night bus back downtown. He was wrong (imagine that). After several minutes of shrugging and looking around, we finally sat down on a bus with my stop written right on the front (clever me). The only problem, we found out sometime later, was that it didn't get to my stop until A BIT AFTER THREE, turning out to be the most interesting night, or morning, I have had since moving to San Francisco.
The 91 bus is the only bus line running from midnight to seven am. This means that it goes from the ghetto to Nob Hill, downtown to the suburbs. So we settled ourselves in for a nice two hour bus ride, as there really was no other possible way to get to the apartment. . Oh the people we saw in the three hours we were on the OWL.
Weird person #1,12:35 AM: Strange mostly-toothless woman with a scrapbook and a back of Ruffles potato chips. Possibly a hooker. No...most certainly a hooker. She would flip through her scrapbook (I shudder to think what was in it), munch some potato chips with her two remaining teeth, and chat with all the men about the possibility of making a "memory."
Weird person #2: A berry berry derunk woman hoo liiked to shpill her derink an yell shtuff.
Weird person #3: Got onto the bus to be transported from one ghetto to the other. Wore clothes that would fit Jabba the Hut, although he wasn't even the size of Family Guy's Stewie. Apparently with all the money he spent on the crack and his iPod, there wasn't enough left for a cab.
Weird person #4: Mysterious hooded man who sat down behind us and began singing "The Wheels on the Bus." We got up and moved approximately five times within the thirty minutes this man was on the bus, as the man found it necessary to come and sit in the row right in front of us each time, moving his hood aside so we could only see one eye, while very slowly singing "go rouuund and roouunnd..."
Weird person #5: The bus driver herself. She wore beads of fake pearl necklaces over her ears, and a fake diamond necklace which she had hanging from the starting point of her ponytail on top of her head down her forehead, ending up between her eyes. Ooh shiny!
We make it off the bus eventually after about the fifth time that I inform my friend someone got DECAPITATED on a Greyhound recently, and I find myself very grateful that I did not try and make this trip on my own, as I probably would have ended up a "memory" because the hooded man had made wheels out of my skin.
Jeez
Me neither. Jeez.