As someone morbidly fascinated with numbers we place significance on, I've come to think (philosophically speaking) that our choices for facing these events basically boil down into three buckets:
(1) Accept that birthdates are inherently human constructs, based on a Sol-centric world-view, and then have no greater significance.
(2) Choose to recognize the significance of milestones, and used them to dwell on our inadequacies.
(3) Choose to recognize the significance of milestones, and use them as an impetus for positive change.
From a purely rational standpoint, (1) probably makes the most sense. Both (2) and (3) are irrational. So, if I have to choose between being irrational in a way that makes me miserable or being irrational in a way that could make me happy, I choose (3).
If the rest of the world bought into this construct, you'd be correct. Alas, they do not. So a 40 year old man who has never been married is statistically not going to have a meaningful relationship. An unemployed 40 year old man has a higher chance of dying in poverty. I realize 40 is just one of those arbitrary numbers used to break down data but there it is.
As is typical, I'm not looking for a pep talk just venting off my emotional reaction and determine what my next life steps should be.
I'm just sharing my own thought process. At 30, I chose (3), and it made a lot of difference for me, regardless of society's take. Turning 40 was, admittedly, on the heels of other changes for me, but I still tried to look at how I could use it as an excuse to redefine myself. I think we get to make that choice, at least to some degree.
Statistically, none of us had virtually any chance of existing (based on the number of sperm in an average sample), so we've already beaten the odds. Might as well make a habit of it.
I went through this at 35. It sucked. I truly felt like life was nothing but downhill at that point, that I was a total failure as a human being, and the only solution I had was to slap a big happy face on my zombie shell existence and keep going forward because there was nothing else to do.
Things got better, but I don't really believe it was because of my attitude, my karma, my "unwillingness to give up in the face of adversity" or any other thing that I can credit to my personal "strength". Things just got better, and that was all there was to it.
We love you, we value you, and we are all hoping that things get better for you soon.
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(1) Accept that birthdates are inherently human constructs, based on a Sol-centric world-view, and then have no greater significance.
(2) Choose to recognize the significance of milestones, and used them to dwell on our inadequacies.
(3) Choose to recognize the significance of milestones, and use them as an impetus for positive change.
From a purely rational standpoint, (1) probably makes the most sense. Both (2) and (3) are irrational. So, if I have to choose between being irrational in a way that makes me miserable or being irrational in a way that could make me happy, I choose (3).
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As is typical, I'm not looking for a pep talk just venting off my emotional reaction and determine what my next life steps should be.
Reply
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Things got better, but I don't really believe it was because of my attitude, my karma, my "unwillingness to give up in the face of adversity" or any other thing that I can credit to my personal "strength". Things just got better, and that was all there was to it.
We love you, we value you, and we are all hoping that things get better for you soon.
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