(no subject)
I had my birthday party last night. It went great, a bunch of people didn't show up but a good group of them did. I really wish Scott and Maddy would have been able to come but it was good nonetheless. We had pulled pork and cake and it was good. I bought Apples to Apples so we played that. Then Chris, Amy, Adam, and I smoked some weed (well, Adam took a hit but didn't get high). Brett and Anna came over then left and then Dakota and Simon came over and then left. Then Adam and I had a very long conversation about the boundaries of whatever is going on between us. I got some things confused in my head and was saying things that I didn't mean which included being passive agressive, defensive, and bitter. I left in the middle of the night to drive and clear my head. He was sending me slightly mixed messages throughout the week like: this is more than just fun, this makes me happy, i like you, then to i don't think you're dating material and i'm not going to get attached. I thought I was desiring something more, but this morning after I went to therapy and had a good cry I drove around some more up to Davenport and realized that my feelings for him were not romantic. I want closeness and intimacy and we're on the same page with that. We like each other but not in a romantic sort of way. We are also more than friends, but we're not dating because we both realize that it wouldn't work because A). we would get bored with each other quick B). i'm leaving in two months. So I think what you would call us would be committed cuddle buddy friends, which sounds really really gay. But I'm happy and it works and I just want to have fun.