(no subject)
i have changed
i have expectations that are impossible to fulfill. i rarely feel. anything. no joy, no excitement, no pain. it is as if at the age of 23, i have somehow accumulated all first experiences known to mankind. and second, and third. reference tecate commercial with the most interesting man in the world: i am the most blunted.
blase, but not anhedonia. not quite sure how that works just yet
there is only one thing that still stirs a flutter of emotion, pure and overwhelming. it long stopped being her, the person, and has since transcended into a concept, an idealization, a pining, and now, a quest. so to oversimplify, i can only deem it just a thing.
i chose to become a physician to experience the universality of such a thing. the expression in individuals so drastically different yet so similar at the core. all affected and afflicted and connected. in a strangely satisfying fashion.
at the end of the day, all i ask for myself is to not become tolstoy's ivan ilyich.
that's my impossible expectation.
i have expectations that are impossible to fulfill. i rarely feel. anything. no joy, no excitement, no pain. it is as if at the age of 23, i have somehow accumulated all first experiences known to mankind. and second, and third. reference tecate commercial with the most interesting man in the world: i am the most blunted.
blase, but not anhedonia. not quite sure how that works just yet
there is only one thing that still stirs a flutter of emotion, pure and overwhelming. it long stopped being her, the person, and has since transcended into a concept, an idealization, a pining, and now, a quest. so to oversimplify, i can only deem it just a thing.
i chose to become a physician to experience the universality of such a thing. the expression in individuals so drastically different yet so similar at the core. all affected and afflicted and connected. in a strangely satisfying fashion.
at the end of the day, all i ask for myself is to not become tolstoy's ivan ilyich.
that's my impossible expectation.