Wake - Chapter 6: I Don't Wanna Fall Asleep
Fandom: Alice Nine
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
I used to have dreams about you every so often. Silly meaningless things like us going shopping together or having coffee at some little shop. I always wondered why I had them about you but none of the others at the time. I thought on it long and hard until one night I finally figured out what you meant to me. I’m sorry for startling you like that when I came to talk to you. Yes I still remember the look on your face when I told you what was in my head.
I hope I didn’t scare you too badly.
“So you’re back here again. I guess last time wasn’t clear enough?” His eyes popped open at the words in his ear to be met with harsh florescent lights and an all too familiar face leaning over his. “You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re supposed to get better but instead you keep holding yourself back to this place. Life isn’t perfect, you’ll have to deal with it soon.” The gentle scolding in his voice wasn’t lost on Tora, who couldn’t understand why he was being chastised to begin with. Hadn’t he simply passed out? Why was the other man so upset?
“I wish you’d make sense for once.” The guitarist replied quietly as Saga pulled away from his field of sight. He sat up with care, examining his surroundings and himself. The bassist remained crouched next to him quietly as he tried to remember the hallway floor he was currently sitting on. “Lately all you do is confuse me. Why do I keep seeing you if you’re so ready to give me space? Where are we?”
The last question was more directed to himself than the other man though it didn’t matter either way. Saga remained silent, looking at him with the same carefully closed off expression. It seemed he wasn’t in a question answering mood this time. Tora watched from the floor as the bassist stood and crossed his arms, starring this way and that down the hall. Everything was harshly white to Tora’s eyes as he too stood and it took him a moment to recognize the large window to his left before he finally realized where they were.
“This is your room in the hospital.” Tora said quietly, gesturing to the window and the empty room beyond. Saga nodded once and remained mute as the guitarist continued to examine his surroundings, noting the elevators down the way where they usually were. “Where are all the furniture and fake plants they usually have laying around? Where’s the medical equipment?”
Saga sighed slightly and shook his head as he allowed his shoulders to loosen. It seemed he hadn’t been listening at all since he completely ignored Tora’s questions for his own words. “You’re still sleeping Tora. It’s time to wake up.” His words, spoken lightly despite their content, caused a heavy weight to settle in Tora’s mind. So something had happened only this time he didn’t remember it.
“How do I wake up when I didn’t know I was dreaming to being with? Did I black out again?” Surprisingly, he wasn’t too worried about the answer. It was nice here and quiet. The ache that had been plaguing his body for the past days was gone as was the pain in his head. “Nao’s never going to let me hear the end of it this time.” The guitarist said. Saga nodded his agreement absently, a far away look on his face as he thought something over.
“How do you feel about me Tora?” The bassist asked, voice still quiet and even as he considered the wall instead of the other man. Tora looked at him, allowing the silence to grow heavy as he considered his answer this time. Saying he didn’t know didn’t seem completely true this time but he still wasn’t able to voice the realization that had been slowly coming to him since his talk with Shou.
Saga finally looked up at him after a few minutes of no response and caught sight of the look on the other man’s face. He seemed to take that as his answer and a small smile flitted across his face for an instant. “You are waking up then.” He said just as quietly as before.
“What does that mean?” Tora asked.
“It means you just need a little help remembering.” Saga replied simply, a watered down version of his usual smile growing across his face. He took a step forward and held his hand out. The guitarist looked at him for a moment, battling with his confusion and the will to ask more questions before he reached out carefully and took the offered hand. “You’re in control here Tora. All you need to do is remember.”
“Remember what?” Saga just shook his head and indicated his should close his eyes. Tora did so with more than a little trepidation. What was he supposed to be remembering, how he felt about Saga? But he couldn’t remember something he didn’t know. He let his mind wander a little, trying to discern what was supposed to be happening as he stood in the middle of the empty hospital with Saga’s warm hand in his.
“There,” the bassist’s voice came to his ears as if from far away. “Keep that thought Tora. Let it go.” He tried to do as he was told, focusing on the man in front of him instead of his surroundings. He eventually realized he could just catch the other man’s scent drifting to him, his favorite brand of cologne and the natural scent Saga himself gave off. He took a deep breath of the air around him, drawing more of the scent into his lungs. It was something he’d always identified the bassist by, even from the first time they’d met.
“They’re late Shou.” His eyes popped open as his own voice reached his ears from nearby. They weren’t in the barren hospital anymore, he found himself in a dimly lit bar standing next to a small booth where two men sat. He recognized one as Shou as he used to look years ago and though the other was facing away from him he’d have known his own figure anywhere.
“What the heck?” he asked quietly as Saga stepped forward behind him slowly, still holding onto his hand.
“You’re in control.” The bassist replied. He waved a hand around indicating the bar and all of its occupants. “All this is in your mind. Don’t question, just remember.”
“Shou-san!” A new voice broke in just as Saga finished speaking. Tora watched himself turn slightly to examine the newcomer as he made his way through the small crowd to their table. It was Nao as Tora first remembered him, slightly out of breath and grinning widely as he turned to wave at his companion to indicate the table in front of him. “I’m sorry we’re late,” the smaller man said as he bobbed a quick bow. “There was an accident and the road was blocked off. We had to find our way around. This is Saga.” He added the last almost as an after thought as the final member of the group made it to the table.
Tora watched as they all introduced themselves, comparing the memory of Saga to the one who stood next to him unnoticed by the rest of the people around them. He stood differently now, like he was more sure of himself. It made him grin softly at the changes they had all undergone in the last few years as he watched the three men and himself settle down to talk about the band they wanted to form. Next to him, Saga shifted slightly, nodding towards where the two of them sat already deep in conversation about what kind of music the other liked.
“We got along right from the start.” The bassist commented. Tora smiled, shaking his head at the other’s words.
“Not always.” The guitarist replied, thinking about the first show they had all done together. The scene in front of him melted away as soon as his attention shifted and soon they were standing in the corner of a small makeup room listening to the sound of raised voices through the closed door.
It smashed open a second later and a livid looking bassist stalked in followed closely by an equally pissed guitar player. Shou came running up behind them looking worried but the bassist shook his head at him and closed the door in his face before rounding on Tora.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tora yelled at him from one side of the room. Saga’s face went several shades darker in anger as he gapped at the other man in outrage.
“Me? What’s wrong with you? You ran right into me!”
“You weren’t where you were supposed to be!” Tora shot back spitefully. The two watched from the sidelines as the fight went on, growing in volume Tora was surprised he’d possessed then. He didn’t remember being this mad at the other man. And about what? He didn’t even know what the cause of the fight was even as he watched it unfold in front of him.
“We got better though.” Saga said beside him when Nao finally burst into the room and shouted them both into silence. Tora nodded as he watched himself stomp out of the room like an angry teenager. “I apologized the next day and you did too… eventually.”
“Years later,” Tora said. A small hotel room began to overcome into focus around them as the old space melted away. He could see the two of them haphazardly sprawled on the bed in the darkness, thin sheets barely hiding their naked bodies form the moonlight. They both looked like they were sleeping but Tora knew neither of them had gotten a wink of rest that night for more than one reason. The band had been drinking after the show. He always thought that’s what had caused their mutual lapse in sanity. “I took me until that first night to say I was sorry.” The dark haired man said a little sadly while he stared at his own form.
“Hey Saga? You still awake?” a muffled voice sounded from the bed, words slurring together at the edges. There was a brief moment of silence where Tora assumed he was going to pretend to be asleep before the bassist grunted to show he was listening. Tora’s head popped up to look at the other man next to him. “What did we just do?”
A twitch at the corner of his mouth betrayed his amusement at the simple question. “We had sex Tora. Twice.”
“Why?”
“Because we both felt like doing it and there was no one else around.” Saga shifted clumsily to get a better look at Tora’s face displacing the cover further and revealing a large expanse of smooth pale back. “Do you regret it?”
Tora’s head shook slowly and at first he seemed content to leave it at that, staring into the darkness in silence. Then he spoke again. “I guess it’s ok as long as it’s just that.” Saga looked at him as his eyes flickered open and closed. Tora and Saga stood against a wall and watched themselves attempt to catch a few minutes of sleep as the first rays of sunlight began to chase the moon from the sky.
“I’m sorry I was such a jerk when we first met.” Tora’s voice emerged once more from the pile of pillows and wrinkled sheets. Saga lazily waved a hand at him, dismissing the apology.
“Don’t worry about it Tora. You can be sure after sleeping with you that one time you were an extra big asshole is the last thing on my mind.”
The scene melted away like the last and Tora found himself back in the empty hospital hallway frowning at the white walls around him. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to show him and Saga stood next to him as if waiting for more to pop up out of the air.
“So those were the big ones.” The bassist said quietly. “The obvious ones. You’ve got more you’re not thinking of Tora.”
“What are we doing Saga?” He asked trying and failing to keep the frustration out of his voice. “What am I supposed to remember in all of this?” All he got was a smile and a small shake of the head before Saga took his hand again.
“What about that time you went shopping with Shou and Hiroto?” Tora opened his mouth to protest, to tell him he didn’t remember every moment of everyday but before he could say anything Hiroto’s voice came echoing at him down the hall.
“Do you think Saga’d like this one Shou?” The guitarist spun abruptly to see a scene forming on the wall next to them like a projector was playing a movie onto it. Hiroto and Shou were standing in the middle of an aisle where Hiroto had just pulled a dark blue shirt off the rack to show the vocalist. “I didn’t get him a birthday present yet.” The smaller man’s reverberating voice said. Shou was about to respond before Tora heard his own reply.
“He already has one like that.” Hiroto glanced back to see the older man lounging near a rack of jeans looking bored.
“How do you know?” Hiroto asked even as he shoved the shirt back on the rack. “He’s got tons of clothes in his closet.” Tora just shrugged and motioned to another one near the first.
“He’d like that one better,” was his only reply. Shou gave him a knowing look as Hiroto just sighed and held up the one Tora had indicated.
“That was before we told them we were seeing each other.” Tora said as the scene on the wall went fuzzy at the edges and started fading away. “But Shou knew of course. He knows everything.”
“You remember what clothes I have.” Saga observed as he ignored the comment about the singer.
“I only remembered because I like it when you wear that shirt.” Tora muttered quietly, feeling a small blush spread across his face.
“What about the dinner you tried to make?” Saga teased in a small voice. The guitarist laughed once at the memory even as the scene formed on the wall in front of him like the last time. Saga had called saying he was coming over after he grabbed something to eat and Tora had foolishly offered to make them both dinner instead. He only remembered after he hung up that he was a horrible cook.
He glanced up at the window into his own kitchen where he stood glaring at a pot on the small stove. Saga stood behind him just holding back laughter as puffs of black smoke came steaming out of the pot.
“It’s ok Tora, we’ll order out.” The bassist’s voice echoed out of his memory, rich with held back mirth. Tora only glared harder, trying to melt the pot into oblivion with his eyes alone. “Why’d you want to cook for me anyway?” The bassist asked as he came up behind his lover and wrapped his arms around his waist.
Tora sighed and allowed his shoulders to untense as he covered Saga’s hands with his own. “I don’t know.” His mumbled line rang through the hall, causing the present day Tora to smile slightly as his own dejected look.
“I still don’t know what I was thinking that day.” He told Saga next to him. The bassist didn’t meet his eyes, nodding to the wall once again as the kitchen faded and Tora’s bedroom came into view next. He had a habit of leaving the blinds open to the night while he slept so moonlight spilled into the room and across the two figures on the bed.
Tora examined himself, noting he wasn’t sleeping at all as he originally thought. Saga was curled around his lover’s side fast asleep and dreaming about something only he knew. Tora had an arm loosely wrapped around him and his eyes continually moved from the man lying next to him to the open window and back once more.
He couldn’t identify the look in his own eyes when they landed on the bassist but he remembered the warm feeling that would spread through him on nights like this. Quiet and clear after falling asleep next to the bassist, he’d wake up to moonlight and be entranced by the other man. He stepped closer to the wall wanting to see more, to understand what this had to do with anything.
“When was this?” He whispered, reaching a hand out to touch the cool surface gently.
“It doesn’t matter when. It happens often enough.” Saga replied. His voice had lost the smile that had inhabited it since the beginning of their memory journey. Tora looked back at him to see the other man staring at the scene with something like sadness in his eyes. “Look at yourself and tell me you don’t know how you feel Tora.”
He did as he was directed, turning back to see himself laying half entangled on the bed with his lover next to him. He ran a gentle hand down the curve of Saga’s back, watching the slight ripple of goosebumps make a trail where his fingers lead. The look in his eyes could only be described as one emotion.
Tora blinked away sudden moisture in his eyes as he felt the other man come up behind him. Saga wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist as he had done hundreds of times before and rested his head on the guitarist’s broad shoulders.
“I want to wake up now.” Tora said softly, voice cracking on the words. “I want you to wake up. How do I fix this Saga?” He got no answer as they stood in the middle of the brightly lit hallway and watched the nighttime scene in front of him.
Slowly, it began to fade away into darkness. He opened his mouth to protest the loss of the simple happiness before he realized the arms around him were growing faint as well. He looked back to see Saga’s head flickering and blurring away as the light around them began to fade to dark as well.
“Saga?” he said gently as he tried to hold onto the other man tighter despite knowing he was loosing him.
“Don’t you see yet Tora?” The bassist whispered, voice echoing as if from one of the memories. “I’m already awake. You’re the one who’s still sleeping.” Just as he began to comprehend the words, Saga’s form blinked and faded away sucking the lights from before with him and leaving Tora in darkness once more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: O.o Two weeks!? I am sooooo sorry it took two weeks to write this. Holy crap, I don’t even… o.O Wow, that’s never ever going to happen again. I feel terrible guys, I got caught up in preparing for college and such and I AM SO SORRY! >_< I’ll never keep you waiting that long for an update on anything again. *hugs*
So besides that, we’re getting to the end here and this is taking turns I didn’t expect of it. That is to say I know the ending but we’re getting there in a way that’s different than I originally planned. Nevertheless these last few chapters, this one included, are important and I’m going to try and do them as much justice as I can in the writing because I want this ending to be good for you guys. There are maybe three chapters after this one. I might squeeze an extra out as a sort of epilogue, a few years later thing if I find it necessary but I don’t think it will be. As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you continue to enjoy the last ones. Thanks for sticking with me through this.
<3
[Previous] // [Next]
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
I used to have dreams about you every so often. Silly meaningless things like us going shopping together or having coffee at some little shop. I always wondered why I had them about you but none of the others at the time. I thought on it long and hard until one night I finally figured out what you meant to me. I’m sorry for startling you like that when I came to talk to you. Yes I still remember the look on your face when I told you what was in my head.
I hope I didn’t scare you too badly.
“So you’re back here again. I guess last time wasn’t clear enough?” His eyes popped open at the words in his ear to be met with harsh florescent lights and an all too familiar face leaning over his. “You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re supposed to get better but instead you keep holding yourself back to this place. Life isn’t perfect, you’ll have to deal with it soon.” The gentle scolding in his voice wasn’t lost on Tora, who couldn’t understand why he was being chastised to begin with. Hadn’t he simply passed out? Why was the other man so upset?
“I wish you’d make sense for once.” The guitarist replied quietly as Saga pulled away from his field of sight. He sat up with care, examining his surroundings and himself. The bassist remained crouched next to him quietly as he tried to remember the hallway floor he was currently sitting on. “Lately all you do is confuse me. Why do I keep seeing you if you’re so ready to give me space? Where are we?”
The last question was more directed to himself than the other man though it didn’t matter either way. Saga remained silent, looking at him with the same carefully closed off expression. It seemed he wasn’t in a question answering mood this time. Tora watched from the floor as the bassist stood and crossed his arms, starring this way and that down the hall. Everything was harshly white to Tora’s eyes as he too stood and it took him a moment to recognize the large window to his left before he finally realized where they were.
“This is your room in the hospital.” Tora said quietly, gesturing to the window and the empty room beyond. Saga nodded once and remained mute as the guitarist continued to examine his surroundings, noting the elevators down the way where they usually were. “Where are all the furniture and fake plants they usually have laying around? Where’s the medical equipment?”
Saga sighed slightly and shook his head as he allowed his shoulders to loosen. It seemed he hadn’t been listening at all since he completely ignored Tora’s questions for his own words. “You’re still sleeping Tora. It’s time to wake up.” His words, spoken lightly despite their content, caused a heavy weight to settle in Tora’s mind. So something had happened only this time he didn’t remember it.
“How do I wake up when I didn’t know I was dreaming to being with? Did I black out again?” Surprisingly, he wasn’t too worried about the answer. It was nice here and quiet. The ache that had been plaguing his body for the past days was gone as was the pain in his head. “Nao’s never going to let me hear the end of it this time.” The guitarist said. Saga nodded his agreement absently, a far away look on his face as he thought something over.
“How do you feel about me Tora?” The bassist asked, voice still quiet and even as he considered the wall instead of the other man. Tora looked at him, allowing the silence to grow heavy as he considered his answer this time. Saying he didn’t know didn’t seem completely true this time but he still wasn’t able to voice the realization that had been slowly coming to him since his talk with Shou.
Saga finally looked up at him after a few minutes of no response and caught sight of the look on the other man’s face. He seemed to take that as his answer and a small smile flitted across his face for an instant. “You are waking up then.” He said just as quietly as before.
“What does that mean?” Tora asked.
“It means you just need a little help remembering.” Saga replied simply, a watered down version of his usual smile growing across his face. He took a step forward and held his hand out. The guitarist looked at him for a moment, battling with his confusion and the will to ask more questions before he reached out carefully and took the offered hand. “You’re in control here Tora. All you need to do is remember.”
“Remember what?” Saga just shook his head and indicated his should close his eyes. Tora did so with more than a little trepidation. What was he supposed to be remembering, how he felt about Saga? But he couldn’t remember something he didn’t know. He let his mind wander a little, trying to discern what was supposed to be happening as he stood in the middle of the empty hospital with Saga’s warm hand in his.
“There,” the bassist’s voice came to his ears as if from far away. “Keep that thought Tora. Let it go.” He tried to do as he was told, focusing on the man in front of him instead of his surroundings. He eventually realized he could just catch the other man’s scent drifting to him, his favorite brand of cologne and the natural scent Saga himself gave off. He took a deep breath of the air around him, drawing more of the scent into his lungs. It was something he’d always identified the bassist by, even from the first time they’d met.
“They’re late Shou.” His eyes popped open as his own voice reached his ears from nearby. They weren’t in the barren hospital anymore, he found himself in a dimly lit bar standing next to a small booth where two men sat. He recognized one as Shou as he used to look years ago and though the other was facing away from him he’d have known his own figure anywhere.
“What the heck?” he asked quietly as Saga stepped forward behind him slowly, still holding onto his hand.
“You’re in control.” The bassist replied. He waved a hand around indicating the bar and all of its occupants. “All this is in your mind. Don’t question, just remember.”
“Shou-san!” A new voice broke in just as Saga finished speaking. Tora watched himself turn slightly to examine the newcomer as he made his way through the small crowd to their table. It was Nao as Tora first remembered him, slightly out of breath and grinning widely as he turned to wave at his companion to indicate the table in front of him. “I’m sorry we’re late,” the smaller man said as he bobbed a quick bow. “There was an accident and the road was blocked off. We had to find our way around. This is Saga.” He added the last almost as an after thought as the final member of the group made it to the table.
Tora watched as they all introduced themselves, comparing the memory of Saga to the one who stood next to him unnoticed by the rest of the people around them. He stood differently now, like he was more sure of himself. It made him grin softly at the changes they had all undergone in the last few years as he watched the three men and himself settle down to talk about the band they wanted to form. Next to him, Saga shifted slightly, nodding towards where the two of them sat already deep in conversation about what kind of music the other liked.
“We got along right from the start.” The bassist commented. Tora smiled, shaking his head at the other’s words.
“Not always.” The guitarist replied, thinking about the first show they had all done together. The scene in front of him melted away as soon as his attention shifted and soon they were standing in the corner of a small makeup room listening to the sound of raised voices through the closed door.
It smashed open a second later and a livid looking bassist stalked in followed closely by an equally pissed guitar player. Shou came running up behind them looking worried but the bassist shook his head at him and closed the door in his face before rounding on Tora.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tora yelled at him from one side of the room. Saga’s face went several shades darker in anger as he gapped at the other man in outrage.
“Me? What’s wrong with you? You ran right into me!”
“You weren’t where you were supposed to be!” Tora shot back spitefully. The two watched from the sidelines as the fight went on, growing in volume Tora was surprised he’d possessed then. He didn’t remember being this mad at the other man. And about what? He didn’t even know what the cause of the fight was even as he watched it unfold in front of him.
“We got better though.” Saga said beside him when Nao finally burst into the room and shouted them both into silence. Tora nodded as he watched himself stomp out of the room like an angry teenager. “I apologized the next day and you did too… eventually.”
“Years later,” Tora said. A small hotel room began to overcome into focus around them as the old space melted away. He could see the two of them haphazardly sprawled on the bed in the darkness, thin sheets barely hiding their naked bodies form the moonlight. They both looked like they were sleeping but Tora knew neither of them had gotten a wink of rest that night for more than one reason. The band had been drinking after the show. He always thought that’s what had caused their mutual lapse in sanity. “I took me until that first night to say I was sorry.” The dark haired man said a little sadly while he stared at his own form.
“Hey Saga? You still awake?” a muffled voice sounded from the bed, words slurring together at the edges. There was a brief moment of silence where Tora assumed he was going to pretend to be asleep before the bassist grunted to show he was listening. Tora’s head popped up to look at the other man next to him. “What did we just do?”
A twitch at the corner of his mouth betrayed his amusement at the simple question. “We had sex Tora. Twice.”
“Why?”
“Because we both felt like doing it and there was no one else around.” Saga shifted clumsily to get a better look at Tora’s face displacing the cover further and revealing a large expanse of smooth pale back. “Do you regret it?”
Tora’s head shook slowly and at first he seemed content to leave it at that, staring into the darkness in silence. Then he spoke again. “I guess it’s ok as long as it’s just that.” Saga looked at him as his eyes flickered open and closed. Tora and Saga stood against a wall and watched themselves attempt to catch a few minutes of sleep as the first rays of sunlight began to chase the moon from the sky.
“I’m sorry I was such a jerk when we first met.” Tora’s voice emerged once more from the pile of pillows and wrinkled sheets. Saga lazily waved a hand at him, dismissing the apology.
“Don’t worry about it Tora. You can be sure after sleeping with you that one time you were an extra big asshole is the last thing on my mind.”
The scene melted away like the last and Tora found himself back in the empty hospital hallway frowning at the white walls around him. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to show him and Saga stood next to him as if waiting for more to pop up out of the air.
“So those were the big ones.” The bassist said quietly. “The obvious ones. You’ve got more you’re not thinking of Tora.”
“What are we doing Saga?” He asked trying and failing to keep the frustration out of his voice. “What am I supposed to remember in all of this?” All he got was a smile and a small shake of the head before Saga took his hand again.
“What about that time you went shopping with Shou and Hiroto?” Tora opened his mouth to protest, to tell him he didn’t remember every moment of everyday but before he could say anything Hiroto’s voice came echoing at him down the hall.
“Do you think Saga’d like this one Shou?” The guitarist spun abruptly to see a scene forming on the wall next to them like a projector was playing a movie onto it. Hiroto and Shou were standing in the middle of an aisle where Hiroto had just pulled a dark blue shirt off the rack to show the vocalist. “I didn’t get him a birthday present yet.” The smaller man’s reverberating voice said. Shou was about to respond before Tora heard his own reply.
“He already has one like that.” Hiroto glanced back to see the older man lounging near a rack of jeans looking bored.
“How do you know?” Hiroto asked even as he shoved the shirt back on the rack. “He’s got tons of clothes in his closet.” Tora just shrugged and motioned to another one near the first.
“He’d like that one better,” was his only reply. Shou gave him a knowing look as Hiroto just sighed and held up the one Tora had indicated.
“That was before we told them we were seeing each other.” Tora said as the scene on the wall went fuzzy at the edges and started fading away. “But Shou knew of course. He knows everything.”
“You remember what clothes I have.” Saga observed as he ignored the comment about the singer.
“I only remembered because I like it when you wear that shirt.” Tora muttered quietly, feeling a small blush spread across his face.
“What about the dinner you tried to make?” Saga teased in a small voice. The guitarist laughed once at the memory even as the scene formed on the wall in front of him like the last time. Saga had called saying he was coming over after he grabbed something to eat and Tora had foolishly offered to make them both dinner instead. He only remembered after he hung up that he was a horrible cook.
He glanced up at the window into his own kitchen where he stood glaring at a pot on the small stove. Saga stood behind him just holding back laughter as puffs of black smoke came steaming out of the pot.
“It’s ok Tora, we’ll order out.” The bassist’s voice echoed out of his memory, rich with held back mirth. Tora only glared harder, trying to melt the pot into oblivion with his eyes alone. “Why’d you want to cook for me anyway?” The bassist asked as he came up behind his lover and wrapped his arms around his waist.
Tora sighed and allowed his shoulders to untense as he covered Saga’s hands with his own. “I don’t know.” His mumbled line rang through the hall, causing the present day Tora to smile slightly as his own dejected look.
“I still don’t know what I was thinking that day.” He told Saga next to him. The bassist didn’t meet his eyes, nodding to the wall once again as the kitchen faded and Tora’s bedroom came into view next. He had a habit of leaving the blinds open to the night while he slept so moonlight spilled into the room and across the two figures on the bed.
Tora examined himself, noting he wasn’t sleeping at all as he originally thought. Saga was curled around his lover’s side fast asleep and dreaming about something only he knew. Tora had an arm loosely wrapped around him and his eyes continually moved from the man lying next to him to the open window and back once more.
He couldn’t identify the look in his own eyes when they landed on the bassist but he remembered the warm feeling that would spread through him on nights like this. Quiet and clear after falling asleep next to the bassist, he’d wake up to moonlight and be entranced by the other man. He stepped closer to the wall wanting to see more, to understand what this had to do with anything.
“When was this?” He whispered, reaching a hand out to touch the cool surface gently.
“It doesn’t matter when. It happens often enough.” Saga replied. His voice had lost the smile that had inhabited it since the beginning of their memory journey. Tora looked back at him to see the other man staring at the scene with something like sadness in his eyes. “Look at yourself and tell me you don’t know how you feel Tora.”
He did as he was directed, turning back to see himself laying half entangled on the bed with his lover next to him. He ran a gentle hand down the curve of Saga’s back, watching the slight ripple of goosebumps make a trail where his fingers lead. The look in his eyes could only be described as one emotion.
Tora blinked away sudden moisture in his eyes as he felt the other man come up behind him. Saga wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist as he had done hundreds of times before and rested his head on the guitarist’s broad shoulders.
“I want to wake up now.” Tora said softly, voice cracking on the words. “I want you to wake up. How do I fix this Saga?” He got no answer as they stood in the middle of the brightly lit hallway and watched the nighttime scene in front of him.
Slowly, it began to fade away into darkness. He opened his mouth to protest the loss of the simple happiness before he realized the arms around him were growing faint as well. He looked back to see Saga’s head flickering and blurring away as the light around them began to fade to dark as well.
“Saga?” he said gently as he tried to hold onto the other man tighter despite knowing he was loosing him.
“Don’t you see yet Tora?” The bassist whispered, voice echoing as if from one of the memories. “I’m already awake. You’re the one who’s still sleeping.” Just as he began to comprehend the words, Saga’s form blinked and faded away sucking the lights from before with him and leaving Tora in darkness once more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: O.o Two weeks!? I am sooooo sorry it took two weeks to write this. Holy crap, I don’t even… o.O Wow, that’s never ever going to happen again. I feel terrible guys, I got caught up in preparing for college and such and I AM SO SORRY! >_< I’ll never keep you waiting that long for an update on anything again. *hugs*
So besides that, we’re getting to the end here and this is taking turns I didn’t expect of it. That is to say I know the ending but we’re getting there in a way that’s different than I originally planned. Nevertheless these last few chapters, this one included, are important and I’m going to try and do them as much justice as I can in the writing because I want this ending to be good for you guys. There are maybe three chapters after this one. I might squeeze an extra out as a sort of epilogue, a few years later thing if I find it necessary but I don’t think it will be. As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you continue to enjoy the last ones. Thanks for sticking with me through this.
<3
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