Wake - Chapter 3: Dreaming of You
Fandom: Alice Nine
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
Before I met you guys, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I still don’t know for sure where I’m going to be tomorrow but I have hopes and dreams the same as you... do you want to know something? After all that’s happened, wherever we go from here I know it’s you I want with me. The others too but you for sure.
He felt someone standing next to his bed before he even fully woke up, a presence near him that wasn’t overpowering… just strange. He struggled with it, wanting more sleep. Despite his injuries, he felt like he had never been hurt to begin with but he still wasn’t ready to wake up. Nevertheless, his eyes opened of their own accord after a few minutes. He was still lying in the hospital bed where he had fallen asleep but the tubes and lines running into his arms were gone as was the machinery which had inhabited the corners of his eyes since he woke up the previous day.
“It’s nice of you to join me.”
His brow furrowed in confusion while the words soaked into his mind. The voice was familiar but his rational mind knew it was impossible to be hearing it right now. Saga was somewhere in the bowels of the hospital injured and oblivious to the world. He couldn’t be in the room right now.
“Stop being stubborn. That’s my job.”
Slowly, as if it took more effort than it really did, he pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked towards the voice at the foot of his bed, noting the disappearance of his bandages and bruises as he did. Leaning against the far wall half in shadow, stood Saga. His mind told him it was impossible even as the other man stepped out towards him. Tora closed his eyes for a moment, willing whatever was going on to stop. He had seen the bassist battered and bleeding, lying on a hospital bed fighting for his life…
“Would you stop that? It hurts.” He glanced upward once more to see the same man standing in front of him only this time there were gashes and burns peppering his body. As soon as he saw them, they started slowly shrinking. Saga sighed in relief when the last of them vanished and his skin returned to its usual smooth form.
“This isn’t real.” Tora said quietly as he watched the other man brush invisible stains off his clothing and check his hands and arms.
“Reality is what you make of it,” came the equally soft reply. After a moment he walked around the end of the bed and took a seat on the edge near Tora’s legs. “Do you want this to be real?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Where do you want to be right now?” Saga asked seriously, eyes glinting silvery in the light that filled the room. “What do you want to be real?”
Tora considered him in silence thanking about what he could have meant by the question. He didn’t want to be here anymore, that was for sure. But where did he want to be? The room shifted and turned, forcing him to close his eyes to keep his stomach from protesting the motion. He felt a slim hand slide into his and squeeze gently, a gesture meant to reassure him that it was ok.
“Interesting choice.” Saga’s voice floated into his ears after a while. He opened his eyes cautiously to find himself sitting on the couch in the bassist’s apartment. Soft moonlight spilled into the otherwise dark room, bathing them both in its light as they sat hand in hand in silence. It took him a moment to realize where they were and then another passed before he felt Saga tug on his hand gently, guiding his head down to rest on his lap. He began running his fingers through Tora’s hair as he had done countless times before, a natural gesture for the other man when they had time alone. It was something the bassist knew was calming for Tora when he was stressed.
“Your eyes are silver.” Tora said languidly, allowing his to close as he said it. He felt rather than saw the other man nod once in silence while he continued his rythmatic stroking. For some reason, the color difference didn’t bother Tora as much as he thought it would. For a few minutes, no words were needed. Tora, though he knew this wasn’t reality, simply laid there and enjoyed Saga’s touch. But eventually his thoughts had to be allowed to intrude on the peace and quiet. “Why is this an interesting choice?”
“Of all the places in the world you could have taken us, you picked my couch.” Saga said quietly, lengthening his stroking so his hands trailed through Tora’s hair and down his neck a little. Every once and a while he’d twirl a few strands between his fingers before dropping it carefully and continuing the rhythm.
“You can’t pick somewhere?” Tora replied, half a question half a statement. It made sense if they were just in a dream. But he didn’t know if dreaming people knew they were dreaming. This felt real as anything except for what he knew to be true.
“I’m not in control here.” Saga said gently. “I’m just along for the ride. It’s your show.”
“So this isn’t real then?” He didn’t know why he kept asking that. As dreams went, he didn’t want to wake up from this one.
“Reality is what you make of it.” The soothing hands stopped their motions briefly then continued once more. Tora’s eyes opened slowly to stare up into Saga’s, still glinting silver in the moonlight. “Do you want this to be real?”
“That’s what you said last time. If we’re not really here, where are we? Tell me what’s going on.” His voice rose a little in volume, from annoyance or desperation he didn’t know. But under Saga’s hands, he felt himself relax again. Nothing was going to hurt him here.
“You’re injured Tora.” As Saga spoke Tora’s hands wandered up to his head absently, trying to feel an injury that didn’t exist in this place. Just as his fingers brushed his temples though, Saga spoke again. “Not there.” He waited for a moment, expecting him to continue his sentence, but instead Saga’s hands paused their activities as he slid one of them under the collar of Tora’s shirt to rest on his chest lightly.
“My heart? The doctor didn’t mention-”
“You asked me if this was real.” The other man interrupted. “Twice, you asked if this was real though you know the answer to that. You have control Tora.”
“We’re just in my head then.” He reached up to place his own hand over Saga’s to reaffirm he was solid, that he really existed. “This isn’t really happening. I’m going to wake up back in the hospital with a few scratches and you’re still going to be fighting to stay alive.”
“Maybe. Do you want that to be real?”
“No, but it is.”
“Why do you say that?” Tora looked up at him thoughtfully, no answer coming immediately to mind. The bassist started running his fingers through Tora’s hair again a he waited for him to speak. Instead of answering something he couldn’t, another issue rose to his mind.
“The last thing I said to you-”
“Was the truth.” The firm words surprised him slightly, causing him to fall silent once more. “You’ve been feeling guilty because I’m mad at you. I think you don’t love me. You can’t fix that by feeling bad about it.”
“What am I supposed to do?” They both fell silent again as Saga’s hands continued to work their magic. He hadn’t really expected an answer. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, how would he tell himself what he was supposed to do in his own head?
“How do you feel Tora?”
“Tired.” His eyes drifted closed again. His own words seed to remind him that he was supposed to be sleeping right now, having normal dreams.
“How do you feel about me?” Saga’s voice sounded far off
“You’re not real.”
“Do you want me to be?” Tora’s eyes opened once more to stare at him in confusion, trying to sort his thoughts out into words through the wave of sleep that was trying to overcome him. The room started blurring at the edges and he could faintly hear the usual hospital sounds trying to break into his peaceful night. He reached up again to grip Saga’s wrist. He was still solid, still there.
“I don’t want you to leave.” Saga smiled and leaned down slowly to brush his lips against Tora’s forehead gently.
“You need time right? Time to figure out what’s real? Take it and never fear for me. I won’t be far.” Tora felt the room shift around him again and closed his eyes once more, allowing himself to sink back into true sleep.
He floated for a while before he felt himself return to consciousness slowly. When he opened his eyes again he was back in the hospital room with a nurse carefully removing the IV needles and checking his bandages, noting as she did that he was awake. His remaining three band mates stood or sat around the room watching her in silence while sunlight streamed in through the open window blinds.
“Morning.” He said softly as the woman finished off the last of her checking and helped him push himself upright. Shou and Hiroto grinned at him in greeting while Nao piped up from his chair.
“Can you get yourself ready? The doctor said you could go home as soon as you woke up.”
“You have to stay with one of us until your head’s completely better though.” Hiroto chimed in as he climbed onto the foot of the bed where he wiggled around until he was comfortable and then shot Tora a puppy dog face so the other two couldn't see. Tora had a feeling Shou knew what was going on because he grinned and looked away from the younger man while Nao simply tossed a bag of clothing onto the bed.
“Can we go visit Saga before we leave?” Tora asked, pointedly looking anywhere but Hiroto’s face, doing his best to suppress a grin. Nao nodded while Hiroto fidgeted and picked bits of lint off the blankets. Shou, though he looked tired and worried, seemed like he was doing his best not to laugh. Finally, Tora took pity on the smaller man. “Would you mind if I stayed with you for a few days Hiroto?” He asked nonchalantly feeling a strong smile tug at the corners of his mouth at the look of excitement that sprang into Hiroto’s eyes.
“Only if you want to!”
~~~~~~~~
An hour later, Tora was processed and released when he found himself standing with the others looking through a large window into a starkly white hospital room. Once again, Nao spoke to Saga’s doctors while he stared and thought his own thoughts. No one was allowed into the room without a series of cleaning rituals meant to prevent infections from getting into the various burns that still peppered the bassist’s skin. He leaned forward slightly and rested a hand against the glass as he had before, hoping to get some sort of satisfaction out of the contact and not succeeding.
Instead, pain blossomed through his skull. Tora flinched away instantly, one hand going to his head as a small gasp escaped his lips. He squeezed his eyes closed in pain, trying his best to stay standing until he felt strong hands circling his arms and steering him into a lightly cushioned chair.
“Are you sure he’s ok to go home?” Nao’s voice came through the pain filled with worry.
“There’s nothing we can do here.” A doctor replied softly. “All that’ll help now is rest and a lot of it. Head wounds take time to heal and we’ve found that these kinds of injuries heal best when the patient is in a familiar environment rather than here at the hospital. We can keep him another night if you think-”
“No.” Tora interrupted, looking up at them as the throbbing slowly started to ease away. “I’d like to leave.” A flash of silver at the corner of his eyes distracted him form the rest of his thought but when he turned to see it’s source, all that he found was Shou standing next to him. Presumably, it was he who had found the chair. “I’ll come back if anything happens but really I’m fine.”
Tora glanced back into Saga’s room, watching his inert form for a brief moment before he stood slowly, making sure his head was done hurting for now. He thought he saw a shadow of a form in the glass but when he looked harder, it slowly faded until he wasn’t sure if it was a shadow or just imperfections in the glass.
“I just need to lie down for a while. I’d like to come back and see Saga later though if that’s ok with you guys.” Nao peered at him suspiciously, trying to see if he could catch a hint of weakness in his before he nodded.
“I’m going to stay here for a while but it’s up to Hiroto what you guys do since he’ll be the one driving you places.” Tora nodded his assent before glancing over at the younger man hopefully. Shou watched him as if he wanted to say something but Hiroto nodded and grabbed his arm, leading him down the hallway.
“We’ll come back after lunch, ok? But first you need to get some rest so the fans don’t get mad at me for not taking good care of you.” Tora glanced back once to see Shou joining Nao at the window again. He thought he caught a glint of silver against the glass but he didn’t have time to inspect it further before Hiroto lead him around a corner and he lost sight of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: I’m sorry it took so long to post. My computer gave me the blue screen of death Tuesday night and I’ve spent the week trying to make it work right since then, eventually ending with me having to wipe the memory and start over yesterday. I had to re-write the chapter so it probably didn't come out like I wanted it to. >_> I’d say it won’t take so long next time but knowing my luck, something’ll happen again so all I’m going to say is I’ll try my best. Let’s aim for four days and work our way down from there. ^.^
<3
[Previous] // [Next]
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
Before I met you guys, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I still don’t know for sure where I’m going to be tomorrow but I have hopes and dreams the same as you... do you want to know something? After all that’s happened, wherever we go from here I know it’s you I want with me. The others too but you for sure.
He felt someone standing next to his bed before he even fully woke up, a presence near him that wasn’t overpowering… just strange. He struggled with it, wanting more sleep. Despite his injuries, he felt like he had never been hurt to begin with but he still wasn’t ready to wake up. Nevertheless, his eyes opened of their own accord after a few minutes. He was still lying in the hospital bed where he had fallen asleep but the tubes and lines running into his arms were gone as was the machinery which had inhabited the corners of his eyes since he woke up the previous day.
“It’s nice of you to join me.”
His brow furrowed in confusion while the words soaked into his mind. The voice was familiar but his rational mind knew it was impossible to be hearing it right now. Saga was somewhere in the bowels of the hospital injured and oblivious to the world. He couldn’t be in the room right now.
“Stop being stubborn. That’s my job.”
Slowly, as if it took more effort than it really did, he pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked towards the voice at the foot of his bed, noting the disappearance of his bandages and bruises as he did. Leaning against the far wall half in shadow, stood Saga. His mind told him it was impossible even as the other man stepped out towards him. Tora closed his eyes for a moment, willing whatever was going on to stop. He had seen the bassist battered and bleeding, lying on a hospital bed fighting for his life…
“Would you stop that? It hurts.” He glanced upward once more to see the same man standing in front of him only this time there were gashes and burns peppering his body. As soon as he saw them, they started slowly shrinking. Saga sighed in relief when the last of them vanished and his skin returned to its usual smooth form.
“This isn’t real.” Tora said quietly as he watched the other man brush invisible stains off his clothing and check his hands and arms.
“Reality is what you make of it,” came the equally soft reply. After a moment he walked around the end of the bed and took a seat on the edge near Tora’s legs. “Do you want this to be real?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Where do you want to be right now?” Saga asked seriously, eyes glinting silvery in the light that filled the room. “What do you want to be real?”
Tora considered him in silence thanking about what he could have meant by the question. He didn’t want to be here anymore, that was for sure. But where did he want to be? The room shifted and turned, forcing him to close his eyes to keep his stomach from protesting the motion. He felt a slim hand slide into his and squeeze gently, a gesture meant to reassure him that it was ok.
“Interesting choice.” Saga’s voice floated into his ears after a while. He opened his eyes cautiously to find himself sitting on the couch in the bassist’s apartment. Soft moonlight spilled into the otherwise dark room, bathing them both in its light as they sat hand in hand in silence. It took him a moment to realize where they were and then another passed before he felt Saga tug on his hand gently, guiding his head down to rest on his lap. He began running his fingers through Tora’s hair as he had done countless times before, a natural gesture for the other man when they had time alone. It was something the bassist knew was calming for Tora when he was stressed.
“Your eyes are silver.” Tora said languidly, allowing his to close as he said it. He felt rather than saw the other man nod once in silence while he continued his rythmatic stroking. For some reason, the color difference didn’t bother Tora as much as he thought it would. For a few minutes, no words were needed. Tora, though he knew this wasn’t reality, simply laid there and enjoyed Saga’s touch. But eventually his thoughts had to be allowed to intrude on the peace and quiet. “Why is this an interesting choice?”
“Of all the places in the world you could have taken us, you picked my couch.” Saga said quietly, lengthening his stroking so his hands trailed through Tora’s hair and down his neck a little. Every once and a while he’d twirl a few strands between his fingers before dropping it carefully and continuing the rhythm.
“You can’t pick somewhere?” Tora replied, half a question half a statement. It made sense if they were just in a dream. But he didn’t know if dreaming people knew they were dreaming. This felt real as anything except for what he knew to be true.
“I’m not in control here.” Saga said gently. “I’m just along for the ride. It’s your show.”
“So this isn’t real then?” He didn’t know why he kept asking that. As dreams went, he didn’t want to wake up from this one.
“Reality is what you make of it.” The soothing hands stopped their motions briefly then continued once more. Tora’s eyes opened slowly to stare up into Saga’s, still glinting silver in the moonlight. “Do you want this to be real?”
“That’s what you said last time. If we’re not really here, where are we? Tell me what’s going on.” His voice rose a little in volume, from annoyance or desperation he didn’t know. But under Saga’s hands, he felt himself relax again. Nothing was going to hurt him here.
“You’re injured Tora.” As Saga spoke Tora’s hands wandered up to his head absently, trying to feel an injury that didn’t exist in this place. Just as his fingers brushed his temples though, Saga spoke again. “Not there.” He waited for a moment, expecting him to continue his sentence, but instead Saga’s hands paused their activities as he slid one of them under the collar of Tora’s shirt to rest on his chest lightly.
“My heart? The doctor didn’t mention-”
“You asked me if this was real.” The other man interrupted. “Twice, you asked if this was real though you know the answer to that. You have control Tora.”
“We’re just in my head then.” He reached up to place his own hand over Saga’s to reaffirm he was solid, that he really existed. “This isn’t really happening. I’m going to wake up back in the hospital with a few scratches and you’re still going to be fighting to stay alive.”
“Maybe. Do you want that to be real?”
“No, but it is.”
“Why do you say that?” Tora looked up at him thoughtfully, no answer coming immediately to mind. The bassist started running his fingers through Tora’s hair again a he waited for him to speak. Instead of answering something he couldn’t, another issue rose to his mind.
“The last thing I said to you-”
“Was the truth.” The firm words surprised him slightly, causing him to fall silent once more. “You’ve been feeling guilty because I’m mad at you. I think you don’t love me. You can’t fix that by feeling bad about it.”
“What am I supposed to do?” They both fell silent again as Saga’s hands continued to work their magic. He hadn’t really expected an answer. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, how would he tell himself what he was supposed to do in his own head?
“How do you feel Tora?”
“Tired.” His eyes drifted closed again. His own words seed to remind him that he was supposed to be sleeping right now, having normal dreams.
“How do you feel about me?” Saga’s voice sounded far off
“You’re not real.”
“Do you want me to be?” Tora’s eyes opened once more to stare at him in confusion, trying to sort his thoughts out into words through the wave of sleep that was trying to overcome him. The room started blurring at the edges and he could faintly hear the usual hospital sounds trying to break into his peaceful night. He reached up again to grip Saga’s wrist. He was still solid, still there.
“I don’t want you to leave.” Saga smiled and leaned down slowly to brush his lips against Tora’s forehead gently.
“You need time right? Time to figure out what’s real? Take it and never fear for me. I won’t be far.” Tora felt the room shift around him again and closed his eyes once more, allowing himself to sink back into true sleep.
He floated for a while before he felt himself return to consciousness slowly. When he opened his eyes again he was back in the hospital room with a nurse carefully removing the IV needles and checking his bandages, noting as she did that he was awake. His remaining three band mates stood or sat around the room watching her in silence while sunlight streamed in through the open window blinds.
“Morning.” He said softly as the woman finished off the last of her checking and helped him push himself upright. Shou and Hiroto grinned at him in greeting while Nao piped up from his chair.
“Can you get yourself ready? The doctor said you could go home as soon as you woke up.”
“You have to stay with one of us until your head’s completely better though.” Hiroto chimed in as he climbed onto the foot of the bed where he wiggled around until he was comfortable and then shot Tora a puppy dog face so the other two couldn't see. Tora had a feeling Shou knew what was going on because he grinned and looked away from the younger man while Nao simply tossed a bag of clothing onto the bed.
“Can we go visit Saga before we leave?” Tora asked, pointedly looking anywhere but Hiroto’s face, doing his best to suppress a grin. Nao nodded while Hiroto fidgeted and picked bits of lint off the blankets. Shou, though he looked tired and worried, seemed like he was doing his best not to laugh. Finally, Tora took pity on the smaller man. “Would you mind if I stayed with you for a few days Hiroto?” He asked nonchalantly feeling a strong smile tug at the corners of his mouth at the look of excitement that sprang into Hiroto’s eyes.
“Only if you want to!”
~~~~~~~~
An hour later, Tora was processed and released when he found himself standing with the others looking through a large window into a starkly white hospital room. Once again, Nao spoke to Saga’s doctors while he stared and thought his own thoughts. No one was allowed into the room without a series of cleaning rituals meant to prevent infections from getting into the various burns that still peppered the bassist’s skin. He leaned forward slightly and rested a hand against the glass as he had before, hoping to get some sort of satisfaction out of the contact and not succeeding.
Instead, pain blossomed through his skull. Tora flinched away instantly, one hand going to his head as a small gasp escaped his lips. He squeezed his eyes closed in pain, trying his best to stay standing until he felt strong hands circling his arms and steering him into a lightly cushioned chair.
“Are you sure he’s ok to go home?” Nao’s voice came through the pain filled with worry.
“There’s nothing we can do here.” A doctor replied softly. “All that’ll help now is rest and a lot of it. Head wounds take time to heal and we’ve found that these kinds of injuries heal best when the patient is in a familiar environment rather than here at the hospital. We can keep him another night if you think-”
“No.” Tora interrupted, looking up at them as the throbbing slowly started to ease away. “I’d like to leave.” A flash of silver at the corner of his eyes distracted him form the rest of his thought but when he turned to see it’s source, all that he found was Shou standing next to him. Presumably, it was he who had found the chair. “I’ll come back if anything happens but really I’m fine.”
Tora glanced back into Saga’s room, watching his inert form for a brief moment before he stood slowly, making sure his head was done hurting for now. He thought he saw a shadow of a form in the glass but when he looked harder, it slowly faded until he wasn’t sure if it was a shadow or just imperfections in the glass.
“I just need to lie down for a while. I’d like to come back and see Saga later though if that’s ok with you guys.” Nao peered at him suspiciously, trying to see if he could catch a hint of weakness in his before he nodded.
“I’m going to stay here for a while but it’s up to Hiroto what you guys do since he’ll be the one driving you places.” Tora nodded his assent before glancing over at the younger man hopefully. Shou watched him as if he wanted to say something but Hiroto nodded and grabbed his arm, leading him down the hallway.
“We’ll come back after lunch, ok? But first you need to get some rest so the fans don’t get mad at me for not taking good care of you.” Tora glanced back once to see Shou joining Nao at the window again. He thought he caught a glint of silver against the glass but he didn’t have time to inspect it further before Hiroto lead him around a corner and he lost sight of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: I’m sorry it took so long to post. My computer gave me the blue screen of death Tuesday night and I’ve spent the week trying to make it work right since then, eventually ending with me having to wipe the memory and start over yesterday. I had to re-write the chapter so it probably didn't come out like I wanted it to. >_> I’d say it won’t take so long next time but knowing my luck, something’ll happen again so all I’m going to say is I’ll try my best. Let’s aim for four days and work our way down from there. ^.^
<3
[Previous] // [Next]