Wake - Chapter 1: Break
Band: Alice Nine
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
“Why won’t you talk to me Tora?” Saga finally burst out in annoyance when Tora pretended not to notice any of his attempts at conversation. “Why won’t you look at me?” The guitar player remained silent, staring at the road that stretched out before the car as he drove through the empty streets. Saga’s frown deepened as he was ignored once again and he turned away with an angry sigh to stare out the window next to him. The silence stretched out between them as the car wound slowly through the city before Saga turned back to glare at his lover once more.
“What did I do? Why are you ignoring me? This isn’t fair Tora, I deserve an explanation. No, I demand one!” Tora’s eyes flicked over to the man sitting next to him for a second before returning to the road.
“We’ll talk about it later.” Tora said quietly.
“Why can’t we talk about it now? Why couldn’t we talk about it at all today during the rehearsal breaks or yesterday after the stage meeting? You’ve been avoiding me all week and I’m tired of waiting for later with you.” Tora only shook his head slightly and continued driving as if that was the end of that. The silence grew between them as Saga switched between glaring out the window and shooting annoyed glances at Tora. The guitar player pretended not to notice this and kept his eyes facing forward.
“Pull over.” Saga said quietly as he stared out the passenger window next to him. Tora’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, almost certain he had misheard the man next to him.
“What?”
“Pull over. Now.” His voice was full of steel, not leaving any space for argument. It wasn’t a tone that Saga used often, he wasn’t a particularly bossy person, but he had a feeling Tora wasn’t going to respond to his usual smile and nod attitude. He continued to stare out the glass portal next to him, considering what he was about to say before he said it as Tora navigated to the edge of the road and threw the vehicle into park.
“Saga?” The guitarist said after a while, not one to beat around the bush. They knew each other well enough to know when something was wrong and he should have known he wouldn’t be able to hide his thoughts from Saga for long. He just wished they didn’t have to have this conversation in the middle of the snow-covered city late at night.
“You’ve been hiding something from me for a while now.” Saga stated evenly, breath fogging against the glass in front of him. Tora nodded even though the other man wasn’t looking his way and had continued talking without a verbal response from the one he was addressing. “I don’t know what it is or why you’re not telling me about it but this ignore it and address the problem later thing isn’t going to work. No more later, no more brushing me off. What is bugging you so much?”
“You’re not going to want to hear it,” Tora finally said, staring out the window instead of meeting his lover’s annoyed gaze. Saga watched him, eyes still narrowed as he waited for the other man to continue speaking. Tora sighed, eyes flicking in Saga’s direction briefly before he nodded once. The bassist felt the beginnings of worry bubble into his stomach as Tora took a deep breath and let it out like he was trying to convince himself to speak before he turned to face the other man fully, a serious light shining in his eyes.
“Saga… what am I to you?” Tora asked gently. Saga blinked, caught off guard by the simplicity of the question. Was that really what’s been on his mind lately?
“I… what kind of question is that? You’re… my Tora.” He wanted to elaborate, he wanted to be able to say more but he couldn’t think of a way to put it into words. They had been dating behind the scenes for years, starting off as a casual screw on a cold night and developing rapidly into something much more serious. They had eventually realized they didn’t want to just be friendly about it and the relationship had naturally developed from there and in that time, Saga had come to depend on Tora being in his life. “What do you think you are to me?” Saga whispered, watching his lover closely. Tora stared at him in silence for a minute before he shook his head in frustration.
“See, you look at me with those eyes and it all goes away, all the worries and doubts.” Tora said after a moment, leaning his head against the steering wheel with a sigh. “We’re together all day a lot of the time and once we started getting to know each other better and started seeing this as more than a casual night together it was natural to take the next step and we never stopped to think… I ever stopped to think…” He stopped talking for a moment, voice trailing away into nothing but Saga didn’t need him to continue speaking to know where this was going to end.
Outside the car fresh white snow began to fall lightly, adding a layer of powder to the already lightly coated streets and melting where it touched the warm metal of the car. Inside, Saga watched Tora as he continued to lean against the wheel, unwilling to look up and find out what expression his lover wore in response to his words. Saga’s mouth opened as if he were going to speak before merely taking in a deep breath and closing again. He knew what he had to say just as he knew what was coming next and he didn’t want to accept it. He wanted to hold onto what they already had as tight as he could and never give it up. But they weren’t children anymore, and he certainly wasn’t going to ignore things and hope they got better. They were expected to face reality and this reality wasn’t going to go away no matter what he wanted.
“So you doubt us.” Saga finally said gently, looking away from Tora into the snowfall building up around them. Tora’s eyes slid closed at the soft words as if he hadn’t wanted Saga to speak them either. Nevertheless the bassist continued to speak, voice unwavering in its conviction as he continued pushing on. “What do you want from me Tora? How can I fix this?”
Tora didn’t speak for a moment, continuing to rest against the wheel in thought. After a moment, he sat up slowly and opened his eyes to stare straight ahead, voice hard and clear against the silence around them.
“Time.” He said softly, almost quiet enough for the other man to pretend he didn’t hear. But it was loud enough. The single word seemed to echo in Saga’s mind as he forced himself not to turn away from the window, not to look at Tora’s stony expression next to him. Time for what? Time to think? Time to realize how important Saga was? Or time to forget him? He sucked in another deep breath and nodded almost imperceptibly, still not turning back to look at the man next him.
“Fine.” Silence enveloped them once more as they both considered their own troubled thoughts. Saga looked over at the other man for a moment and then he suddenly couldn’t stay in the car anymore, so close yet so far from the one he loved, the one who was hurting him like this. He grabbed the door handle roughly and shoved, stepping out into the snow in a haze as Tora watched in surprise.
“Saga, where are you going? You can’t walk home now. Saga!” The bassist ignored him and closed the door firmly, disregarding the sound of another opening behind him as he started walking down the sidewalk towards his apartment. It was a bit of a distance but he wouldn’t have a problem getting there. Tora’s voice sounded once more but he closed it off, shoving his hands into his pockets against the cold as he started walking briskly.
A moment later, a gloved hand closed around his arm and he was forced around to face the other man. He met Tora’s gaze with a blank stare, not allowing him to see how much he was hurting inside. “Let me take you home Saga.” He said softly. “Let me do that at least. I don’t want you to get hurt.” His words were filled with worry, something Saga didn’t want to hear from him at the moment.
“It’s too late for that Tora-san.” He said pointedly. “I’m already hurt.” He stared down the street into the darkness as Tora’s hand fell back down to his side. The snow began to fall heavier, masking the world around them in white but they only stood in silence, making no move to leave the street or the storm. He didn’t want to accept Tora’s offer of a ride home, not after what he had just said but walking home this late in the snow would probably be insane now.
“Please Saga. I’ll just take you home and you can ignore me all you want on the way.” Saga was frustrated to feel tears gathering behind his eyes at the pleading in Tora’s words. Despite the anger and hurt that was coursing through him, Tora still had the power to change his mind with a single glance, a few words. Without meaning to, he felt himself nodding reluctantly as he walked back and got into the passenger seat of the car once more. Tora followed with relief written all over his face. Saga wanted to hate him for it but as Tora turned the key and pulled away from the side of the road carefully, he couldn’t find it in his heart to hate the other man.
Not really.
Saga crossed his arms and sighed heavily, glaring out the side window at the passing city, allowing himself to get lost in his own thoughts. His own doubts, kept inside from the eyes of his friends, filled his mind. Was he not good enough? Had he done something wrong? He didn’t pay any more attention to the weather outside until he felt the car skid a little when it should have come to a stop. His hand dropped to rest lightly on the handle of the door as Tora shook his head.
“We should stop somewhere for now. Maybe wait out the storm and continue in the morning…” His voice trailed off as he allowed the car to idle at the stop light they had pulled up to even after they were allowed to go. Saga looked at the snow, falling steadily outside the window, and shook his head. He really didn’t want to spend the night in the car with the guitarist and he knew Tora didn’t want to spend the night with him. Not after what had just happened.
“I trust you,” was all Saga said as he leaned his head against the cold glass, refusing to acknowledge that he was being unnecessarily stubborn. Tora was silent for a heartbeat and Saga thought he might pull over somewhere anyway but the moment passed and they were moving again, carefully pulling past the intersection and into the storm once more.
The bassist allowed his hand to rest against the cool glass lightly as Tora navigated the snowy street, trying not to think about what he had just been told. Instead, images came to his mind unbidden. Shaking Tora’s hand the first time they were introduced, Tora standing in his doorway in the middle of the night saying he couldn’t sleep, moonlight softly shining across Tora’s sleeping face. He closed his eyes and allowed the image to take over his mind for a little bit, trying to block out his surroundings for the memory of sleeping next to another warm body.
A snow muffled noise filled his ears, starting out imperceptible but growing louder in an instant. Saga’s eyes popped open just as Tora swore under his breath, squinting against the headlights that had begun to fill the interior of the car. A horn blared into existence as Tora slammed on the brakes, causing the car to skid across the icy ground. Saga stared across the small space between them, seeing the world go into slow motion as he sat frozen in fear. Tora tried to turn out of the path of the oncoming vehicle, felt the car not responding to his commands at the wheel before meeting Saga’s gaze for an instant, eyes wide with shock.
“I’m sorry.”
And then the night was filled with the sounds of metal crunching on metal, someone called out into the darkness in pain or fear, a body flew free across the snowy ground and landed with a thump… and then all was silent.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: Jumping right in then. I hope you can swim. Don’t hate me too much for starting it like this, ok? I’ll make it up to you later. ^.^
So! This story has been in the works for a few months now and I’m hoping it’ll turn out as good as it is in my head. I’m excited. This is your only warning right now though, are you paying attention? Parts of this story are going to be weird. They might not make sense until later or ever at all. Please trust me. It might be confusing, it might be sad, it might be annoying but I hope it’s going to be fun too. So, that being said, ask questions when you have them (if you have them) and be sure to enjoy the ride.
<3
P.S. I’ll be getting to work on those drabbles soon too. Not to worry, they’re on the way! ^.^
[Next]
Pairings: ToraxSaga
Genre: Angst, Crackish (at times), Drama, Romance, Suspense,
Rating: R
Warnings: Psychological Screwiness, a lot of it.
Summary: As the days fade, time marches onward. Or so it seems. Is this life real? Does it matter? Is anything real… or is it just a dream?
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to see the future, know much about psychology, or wish ill upon any person, living or dead. This is a work of pure fiction. I don’t own the people portrayed herein, I have no affiliation with the band or any of its members, nor do I have any rights to any copywrited material contained in this story.
“Why won’t you talk to me Tora?” Saga finally burst out in annoyance when Tora pretended not to notice any of his attempts at conversation. “Why won’t you look at me?” The guitar player remained silent, staring at the road that stretched out before the car as he drove through the empty streets. Saga’s frown deepened as he was ignored once again and he turned away with an angry sigh to stare out the window next to him. The silence stretched out between them as the car wound slowly through the city before Saga turned back to glare at his lover once more.
“What did I do? Why are you ignoring me? This isn’t fair Tora, I deserve an explanation. No, I demand one!” Tora’s eyes flicked over to the man sitting next to him for a second before returning to the road.
“We’ll talk about it later.” Tora said quietly.
“Why can’t we talk about it now? Why couldn’t we talk about it at all today during the rehearsal breaks or yesterday after the stage meeting? You’ve been avoiding me all week and I’m tired of waiting for later with you.” Tora only shook his head slightly and continued driving as if that was the end of that. The silence grew between them as Saga switched between glaring out the window and shooting annoyed glances at Tora. The guitar player pretended not to notice this and kept his eyes facing forward.
“Pull over.” Saga said quietly as he stared out the passenger window next to him. Tora’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, almost certain he had misheard the man next to him.
“What?”
“Pull over. Now.” His voice was full of steel, not leaving any space for argument. It wasn’t a tone that Saga used often, he wasn’t a particularly bossy person, but he had a feeling Tora wasn’t going to respond to his usual smile and nod attitude. He continued to stare out the glass portal next to him, considering what he was about to say before he said it as Tora navigated to the edge of the road and threw the vehicle into park.
“Saga?” The guitarist said after a while, not one to beat around the bush. They knew each other well enough to know when something was wrong and he should have known he wouldn’t be able to hide his thoughts from Saga for long. He just wished they didn’t have to have this conversation in the middle of the snow-covered city late at night.
“You’ve been hiding something from me for a while now.” Saga stated evenly, breath fogging against the glass in front of him. Tora nodded even though the other man wasn’t looking his way and had continued talking without a verbal response from the one he was addressing. “I don’t know what it is or why you’re not telling me about it but this ignore it and address the problem later thing isn’t going to work. No more later, no more brushing me off. What is bugging you so much?”
“You’re not going to want to hear it,” Tora finally said, staring out the window instead of meeting his lover’s annoyed gaze. Saga watched him, eyes still narrowed as he waited for the other man to continue speaking. Tora sighed, eyes flicking in Saga’s direction briefly before he nodded once. The bassist felt the beginnings of worry bubble into his stomach as Tora took a deep breath and let it out like he was trying to convince himself to speak before he turned to face the other man fully, a serious light shining in his eyes.
“Saga… what am I to you?” Tora asked gently. Saga blinked, caught off guard by the simplicity of the question. Was that really what’s been on his mind lately?
“I… what kind of question is that? You’re… my Tora.” He wanted to elaborate, he wanted to be able to say more but he couldn’t think of a way to put it into words. They had been dating behind the scenes for years, starting off as a casual screw on a cold night and developing rapidly into something much more serious. They had eventually realized they didn’t want to just be friendly about it and the relationship had naturally developed from there and in that time, Saga had come to depend on Tora being in his life. “What do you think you are to me?” Saga whispered, watching his lover closely. Tora stared at him in silence for a minute before he shook his head in frustration.
“See, you look at me with those eyes and it all goes away, all the worries and doubts.” Tora said after a moment, leaning his head against the steering wheel with a sigh. “We’re together all day a lot of the time and once we started getting to know each other better and started seeing this as more than a casual night together it was natural to take the next step and we never stopped to think… I ever stopped to think…” He stopped talking for a moment, voice trailing away into nothing but Saga didn’t need him to continue speaking to know where this was going to end.
Outside the car fresh white snow began to fall lightly, adding a layer of powder to the already lightly coated streets and melting where it touched the warm metal of the car. Inside, Saga watched Tora as he continued to lean against the wheel, unwilling to look up and find out what expression his lover wore in response to his words. Saga’s mouth opened as if he were going to speak before merely taking in a deep breath and closing again. He knew what he had to say just as he knew what was coming next and he didn’t want to accept it. He wanted to hold onto what they already had as tight as he could and never give it up. But they weren’t children anymore, and he certainly wasn’t going to ignore things and hope they got better. They were expected to face reality and this reality wasn’t going to go away no matter what he wanted.
“So you doubt us.” Saga finally said gently, looking away from Tora into the snowfall building up around them. Tora’s eyes slid closed at the soft words as if he hadn’t wanted Saga to speak them either. Nevertheless the bassist continued to speak, voice unwavering in its conviction as he continued pushing on. “What do you want from me Tora? How can I fix this?”
Tora didn’t speak for a moment, continuing to rest against the wheel in thought. After a moment, he sat up slowly and opened his eyes to stare straight ahead, voice hard and clear against the silence around them.
“Time.” He said softly, almost quiet enough for the other man to pretend he didn’t hear. But it was loud enough. The single word seemed to echo in Saga’s mind as he forced himself not to turn away from the window, not to look at Tora’s stony expression next to him. Time for what? Time to think? Time to realize how important Saga was? Or time to forget him? He sucked in another deep breath and nodded almost imperceptibly, still not turning back to look at the man next him.
“Fine.” Silence enveloped them once more as they both considered their own troubled thoughts. Saga looked over at the other man for a moment and then he suddenly couldn’t stay in the car anymore, so close yet so far from the one he loved, the one who was hurting him like this. He grabbed the door handle roughly and shoved, stepping out into the snow in a haze as Tora watched in surprise.
“Saga, where are you going? You can’t walk home now. Saga!” The bassist ignored him and closed the door firmly, disregarding the sound of another opening behind him as he started walking down the sidewalk towards his apartment. It was a bit of a distance but he wouldn’t have a problem getting there. Tora’s voice sounded once more but he closed it off, shoving his hands into his pockets against the cold as he started walking briskly.
A moment later, a gloved hand closed around his arm and he was forced around to face the other man. He met Tora’s gaze with a blank stare, not allowing him to see how much he was hurting inside. “Let me take you home Saga.” He said softly. “Let me do that at least. I don’t want you to get hurt.” His words were filled with worry, something Saga didn’t want to hear from him at the moment.
“It’s too late for that Tora-san.” He said pointedly. “I’m already hurt.” He stared down the street into the darkness as Tora’s hand fell back down to his side. The snow began to fall heavier, masking the world around them in white but they only stood in silence, making no move to leave the street or the storm. He didn’t want to accept Tora’s offer of a ride home, not after what he had just said but walking home this late in the snow would probably be insane now.
“Please Saga. I’ll just take you home and you can ignore me all you want on the way.” Saga was frustrated to feel tears gathering behind his eyes at the pleading in Tora’s words. Despite the anger and hurt that was coursing through him, Tora still had the power to change his mind with a single glance, a few words. Without meaning to, he felt himself nodding reluctantly as he walked back and got into the passenger seat of the car once more. Tora followed with relief written all over his face. Saga wanted to hate him for it but as Tora turned the key and pulled away from the side of the road carefully, he couldn’t find it in his heart to hate the other man.
Not really.
Saga crossed his arms and sighed heavily, glaring out the side window at the passing city, allowing himself to get lost in his own thoughts. His own doubts, kept inside from the eyes of his friends, filled his mind. Was he not good enough? Had he done something wrong? He didn’t pay any more attention to the weather outside until he felt the car skid a little when it should have come to a stop. His hand dropped to rest lightly on the handle of the door as Tora shook his head.
“We should stop somewhere for now. Maybe wait out the storm and continue in the morning…” His voice trailed off as he allowed the car to idle at the stop light they had pulled up to even after they were allowed to go. Saga looked at the snow, falling steadily outside the window, and shook his head. He really didn’t want to spend the night in the car with the guitarist and he knew Tora didn’t want to spend the night with him. Not after what had just happened.
“I trust you,” was all Saga said as he leaned his head against the cold glass, refusing to acknowledge that he was being unnecessarily stubborn. Tora was silent for a heartbeat and Saga thought he might pull over somewhere anyway but the moment passed and they were moving again, carefully pulling past the intersection and into the storm once more.
The bassist allowed his hand to rest against the cool glass lightly as Tora navigated the snowy street, trying not to think about what he had just been told. Instead, images came to his mind unbidden. Shaking Tora’s hand the first time they were introduced, Tora standing in his doorway in the middle of the night saying he couldn’t sleep, moonlight softly shining across Tora’s sleeping face. He closed his eyes and allowed the image to take over his mind for a little bit, trying to block out his surroundings for the memory of sleeping next to another warm body.
A snow muffled noise filled his ears, starting out imperceptible but growing louder in an instant. Saga’s eyes popped open just as Tora swore under his breath, squinting against the headlights that had begun to fill the interior of the car. A horn blared into existence as Tora slammed on the brakes, causing the car to skid across the icy ground. Saga stared across the small space between them, seeing the world go into slow motion as he sat frozen in fear. Tora tried to turn out of the path of the oncoming vehicle, felt the car not responding to his commands at the wheel before meeting Saga’s gaze for an instant, eyes wide with shock.
“I’m sorry.”
And then the night was filled with the sounds of metal crunching on metal, someone called out into the darkness in pain or fear, a body flew free across the snowy ground and landed with a thump… and then all was silent.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A.N: Jumping right in then. I hope you can swim. Don’t hate me too much for starting it like this, ok? I’ll make it up to you later. ^.^
So! This story has been in the works for a few months now and I’m hoping it’ll turn out as good as it is in my head. I’m excited. This is your only warning right now though, are you paying attention? Parts of this story are going to be weird. They might not make sense until later or ever at all. Please trust me. It might be confusing, it might be sad, it might be annoying but I hope it’s going to be fun too. So, that being said, ask questions when you have them (if you have them) and be sure to enjoy the ride.
<3
P.S. I’ll be getting to work on those drabbles soon too. Not to worry, they’re on the way! ^.^
[Next]