Revelations in hard times
Wow...another intense weekend of travel and socializing. And in some cases, not socializing. *chuckle* What the hell does that mean? Let me tell you a story.
Old "friend" who has since ceased to have that designation (A). Got a chance to catch up with her again at a conference we both attended. I resolved to let bygones be bygones, tried to be happy for her and cheerful, even hugged her on meeting her with a friendly smile and greeting. Omgs, she was like the ice queen in response! Wow! It didn't surprise me really, but the day got progressively worse and I had to see her again the next day. At one point, when I gave her a congratulatory hug and she had a totally angry response to me. I decided then she had made her point, and as angry and spiteful as she was being, I backed off and let her alone. She was the only one I didn't say goodbye to or give a hug to before we left--not out of spite or anger, but out of respect for what she had so clearly demonstrated she wanted. For me to leave her alone.
And when back home, a mutual friend of ours hailed and I mentioned how great the conference had been. He already knew I'd been there, I guessed by another's report, but it was from A. I happened to mention that it had been tough trying to make amends with her and her refusal to have any part in that. And today, there's the lovely email I got from her accusing me of telling all this stuff to this other guy (I). I didn't really say that much to him (I even reviewed our gmail chat). It was a few lines and then we didn't even mention her again for the rest of the conversation. I must be truly evil in her eyes, but you know....those are HER eyes. She is supremely angry, if the tone of her email is any indication (I'm probably lucky my hair didn't start on fire), but those are HER feelings and she's entitled to them. I intend no response. I don't want to flame her further, though I realize that giving her no response will also have that affect. That is HER responsibility to deal with her emotions. I am done with it.
But the weekend has such fond, wonderful memories and I refuse to spoil them out of spite. I met some incredible people, heard some awesome lectures, am all motivated and ready to do my study again. My Earth energies feel so different this time. I've always understood that elemental energies can be positive or negative and that what you want is a balance. But Earth always seemed slow and heavy to me before. It's different this time! It's peaceful and knows it's place and seeks harmony with the rest of nature and the elemental energies. I've always been so preoccupied with being organized in Earth, but I think I'm beginning to understand that Earth _IS_ organized by it's very nature. We always seek to impose our perceptions and agendas and that's what messes up the elemental energies. Earth is the synthesis of fire, water and air, but Inever really looked at how it encompasses those energies in its feel. Since the weekend, I think I've been tuning into the air parts of the synthesis. Perhaps today, with this email and dealing with getting my emotions under control, there was both water and fire. But in the end, accepting things and deciding to move along with the natural flow of events is such a peaceful, and yes, earthy, feeling!
There's a lot of love in that earth, folks. A lot of nurturing and care and concern for balance. But there can be fury and broken hearts, too, when you see the ones you love falling apart or being destructive--to themselves or to others, not just to you. We always call Earth, Mother Nature. There is so much wisdom in that--the caring of a mother, and yet the unconditional love that lets other beings follow their nature. That includes you and me, and even A. And that's okay. Leaves me feeling peaceful...what a rush!
Old "friend" who has since ceased to have that designation (A). Got a chance to catch up with her again at a conference we both attended. I resolved to let bygones be bygones, tried to be happy for her and cheerful, even hugged her on meeting her with a friendly smile and greeting. Omgs, she was like the ice queen in response! Wow! It didn't surprise me really, but the day got progressively worse and I had to see her again the next day. At one point, when I gave her a congratulatory hug and she had a totally angry response to me. I decided then she had made her point, and as angry and spiteful as she was being, I backed off and let her alone. She was the only one I didn't say goodbye to or give a hug to before we left--not out of spite or anger, but out of respect for what she had so clearly demonstrated she wanted. For me to leave her alone.
And when back home, a mutual friend of ours hailed and I mentioned how great the conference had been. He already knew I'd been there, I guessed by another's report, but it was from A. I happened to mention that it had been tough trying to make amends with her and her refusal to have any part in that. And today, there's the lovely email I got from her accusing me of telling all this stuff to this other guy (I). I didn't really say that much to him (I even reviewed our gmail chat). It was a few lines and then we didn't even mention her again for the rest of the conversation. I must be truly evil in her eyes, but you know....those are HER eyes. She is supremely angry, if the tone of her email is any indication (I'm probably lucky my hair didn't start on fire), but those are HER feelings and she's entitled to them. I intend no response. I don't want to flame her further, though I realize that giving her no response will also have that affect. That is HER responsibility to deal with her emotions. I am done with it.
But the weekend has such fond, wonderful memories and I refuse to spoil them out of spite. I met some incredible people, heard some awesome lectures, am all motivated and ready to do my study again. My Earth energies feel so different this time. I've always understood that elemental energies can be positive or negative and that what you want is a balance. But Earth always seemed slow and heavy to me before. It's different this time! It's peaceful and knows it's place and seeks harmony with the rest of nature and the elemental energies. I've always been so preoccupied with being organized in Earth, but I think I'm beginning to understand that Earth _IS_ organized by it's very nature. We always seek to impose our perceptions and agendas and that's what messes up the elemental energies. Earth is the synthesis of fire, water and air, but Inever really looked at how it encompasses those energies in its feel. Since the weekend, I think I've been tuning into the air parts of the synthesis. Perhaps today, with this email and dealing with getting my emotions under control, there was both water and fire. But in the end, accepting things and deciding to move along with the natural flow of events is such a peaceful, and yes, earthy, feeling!
There's a lot of love in that earth, folks. A lot of nurturing and care and concern for balance. But there can be fury and broken hearts, too, when you see the ones you love falling apart or being destructive--to themselves or to others, not just to you. We always call Earth, Mother Nature. There is so much wisdom in that--the caring of a mother, and yet the unconditional love that lets other beings follow their nature. That includes you and me, and even A. And that's okay. Leaves me feeling peaceful...what a rush!