(no subject)
It's been quite some time since I have posted in here. Since then, I have fallen in love, moved into the best apartment with my boyfriend, got a job at the Tap House, watched my mother and step father move to Seattle, graduated from college, spent not enough time with my beautiful niece, learned to cook and eat better, gained some weight, drank less, traveled less, performed my last ballet/show, quit my job at the Tap House, sold my car, and am now moving to San Francisco in less than two weeks. As I get closer to moving, I am excited, but also nervous. I feel very lucky to have Joey by my side in this transition. He is very talented and ambitious, which pushes me to be enthusiastic as well. Although I am reaching one of the many turning points in my life and am quite glad, I can't help but feel as if most of my friendships have been compromised in the last six plus months. I can't exactly say why this has happened, all I can say is how it feels to barely be a part of what used to be some of my closest friends' lives. And even though I may seem like a child in saying these next words, it still doesn't change their honesty.
After being with Joey for a couple months, I stopped being invited to do most things. I rarely got texted, called, and would only converse with my friends if initiated by me. I never went though the phase where I would bluntly say no to an outing or say I needed to spend time with my boyfriend, but I felt that I was treated as if these things had happened many times. I then deleted my scarcely used Twitter because it was making me upset to read about how all of my friends would be having so much fun together without even thinking of me (and I am not referring to late night Reno partying. I am talking about lunch/dinner, meeting up for drinks, etc). When I casually confronted a few of my friends about this, they responded that they figured I was always busy since I was taking twenty one credits at school. To me this was a sorry excuse and it just made me feel worse, especially when nothing changed after. At my graduation party, many of my friends didn't show up, or showed up extremely late. This was much more of a blow than it may have been otherwise, but I had to arrange my own party and pay for everything because my parents had just moved.
For a while there it got better, especially during the heart of the summer, and mainly because I was the one eager to rekindle my friendships. I saw most of my friends numerous times though out the week, whether it be during a summer activity or going to "rum and cokes." But lately, it seems as though most of my friends seem to care very little that I am moving in less than two weeks. This isn't about going out and partying to the early morning, it's the small occurrences that matter; getting coffee, bbqs, watching a movie, talking on the phone, just plainly hanging out and being involved. But I rarely am and it sucks and I don't know why it is this way, but it is. I feel like I hardly know some of my closest friends and what is going on with their lives anymore.
Is this what growing up is? Moving away to start your career and your friends don't really care? Or is it realizing maybe you're not that impressive of a person to stay friends with anyway?
Regardless, it's all a disappointment.
After being with Joey for a couple months, I stopped being invited to do most things. I rarely got texted, called, and would only converse with my friends if initiated by me. I never went though the phase where I would bluntly say no to an outing or say I needed to spend time with my boyfriend, but I felt that I was treated as if these things had happened many times. I then deleted my scarcely used Twitter because it was making me upset to read about how all of my friends would be having so much fun together without even thinking of me (and I am not referring to late night Reno partying. I am talking about lunch/dinner, meeting up for drinks, etc). When I casually confronted a few of my friends about this, they responded that they figured I was always busy since I was taking twenty one credits at school. To me this was a sorry excuse and it just made me feel worse, especially when nothing changed after. At my graduation party, many of my friends didn't show up, or showed up extremely late. This was much more of a blow than it may have been otherwise, but I had to arrange my own party and pay for everything because my parents had just moved.
For a while there it got better, especially during the heart of the summer, and mainly because I was the one eager to rekindle my friendships. I saw most of my friends numerous times though out the week, whether it be during a summer activity or going to "rum and cokes." But lately, it seems as though most of my friends seem to care very little that I am moving in less than two weeks. This isn't about going out and partying to the early morning, it's the small occurrences that matter; getting coffee, bbqs, watching a movie, talking on the phone, just plainly hanging out and being involved. But I rarely am and it sucks and I don't know why it is this way, but it is. I feel like I hardly know some of my closest friends and what is going on with their lives anymore.
Is this what growing up is? Moving away to start your career and your friends don't really care? Or is it realizing maybe you're not that impressive of a person to stay friends with anyway?
Regardless, it's all a disappointment.