Been awhile
Well so im a lil hurt lately but not at the same time, you know that package i sent out. I sent it out of the kindness of my heart. Not because i feel like im owed or anything because im not but i didnt even get a thank you or a notice that the person got it....did that hurt> sure it did a tad. I dont know i think this Wellbutrin is really fucking with my mind a major ton, I hate the shit, all it does it make me more depressed and extremely tired. I cant focus, its suppose to help me focus. The doctor says its suppose to make things better, i didnt think it was one of those situations where it tells you as a side affect that it will or can depression , yes its an anti depressent, wtf is up with that shit, i dont get it. I guess its one of those situations it will get REALLY worse before it gets better, backwards? yeah i deffintly think so thats for sure. I hate this shit it makes me cry for no reason, it makes me tired, it makes me very unfocused. ive feel down my stairs like friggn three times in the past month. WHY, damn so that could mean its also fucking with my cordination, yeah thats not good, not to mention my doc took me off the welbutrin, and gave me another drug called leparux or something like that, i dont have it on hand but i started taking that and its justg making me even more tired then i was before. started cutting. i like the way it makes me feel as though i am really alive to this world, keeps me aware i guess. ive only done it once, i cut my leg three times with a boxcutter razor..the thing is i didnt just cut, i kinda scetched with it unsure as to how hard i wanted to press or wheter i had even wanted to do it in the first place, i played around with it with three tracks aligned, one tiny one med and a long one..... BLEH what am i going to do? today im going to call my doctor and tell her to take these pills and cram them up her ass.... everyones starting to worry about me and my habits....the sleeping thing is whats really got me concerned, and i know no psycho doctor is going to be of any help to me because they never are......anyways things been going to up and down even for me.. the only thing good in the last couple days is that I found a friend of mine online that i use to be best friends with his sister back in High school, found out that his sister is getting married in october which is really cool, Randy and i have been hanging out some what ...it was really cool, we hung out at the wetlands and just chilled laying on eachother on the benchs there, then went to a grass field in which we just leaned on eachother and cuddled, it was a tad cold for a change that night, that or because the grass was somewhat wet, but yeah hey i even got laid lol under the stars with a full moon, it was the most kick ass thing in the world at that moment. then we hung out the other day and well sex again:) its been great, ive been on this huge friggn dry spell and i end up fucking my best friend in high schools brother lol. When i knew him he was just this lil annoying pipsquek, but man o man has he grown up dudes 6'4 and weighs practically nothing but Man o man no complaints down stairs either yeah i kow you dont want to know or hear about that shit but i dun care its my journal and no one reads this anyways not to mention that right now i feel as though i am talking to mysel fbut thats ok because i already know how fucked up i am inside anyawys:) gotta love me. heard from joel again, thats deffintly been intresting for sure. Hes invited me to germany to come visit him when he gets back from Iraq which will be real soon, hell be back in i believe dec/begining of January so thats going to be an exciting trip to take hoping erica and her husband will be moved otu there by the time i get out there as well.... I also now get to add to my agenda Mississippi, at the begining of September to go to the extreme sports event thats going on otu there with erica:) kinda excited then Washington DC for Wendys wedding:) So happy for her.