...
I still cry myself to sleep at night because I miss you. I don't pray to God anymore, I pray to you instead. You are my guardian angel...I miss you more than anything...do you still think of me? Is it horrible that it's been three months and you are still on my mind constantly?
I know this isn't anything a person will ever get over...but is there a point where I will be ok again? No one understands, at least that's how I feel.
Why, why why? Why did this happen to my family, why does this happen to anyone? I can't handle pretending to be ok when I wish I could be with you, wish I could have been with you during your final moments. Were you scared? Did you want to go? Are you proud of me, are you disappointed? I know you see the mistakes I'm making and I know you aren't happy with me but overall...how do you feel? I need and want these answers that I will never have. I can't talk to anyone because I feel bad for repeating myself. I feel my friends are sick of hearing me speak of it. I know my true friends don't mind because they love me but I try to avoid it anyway.
I'm sick of pretending. I'm tired of faking and telling people I'm ok. When people ask how I am, I want to SCREAM and tell them that I am hurting more than I have EVER hurt in my entire life and I just want you back. Of course I tell them I'm fine. Why do I lie?
I took you for granted and that is my one regret. You had so much to give me and I turned it down because I assumed that I had time. I haven't heard you speak to me personally since May. I heard you on the phone one time after you were sick before you got the tracheotomy. I call your voicemail all the time just to hear your voice but it's not the same and never will be because it's not you to me.
What am I going to do?
I know this isn't anything a person will ever get over...but is there a point where I will be ok again? No one understands, at least that's how I feel.
Why, why why? Why did this happen to my family, why does this happen to anyone? I can't handle pretending to be ok when I wish I could be with you, wish I could have been with you during your final moments. Were you scared? Did you want to go? Are you proud of me, are you disappointed? I know you see the mistakes I'm making and I know you aren't happy with me but overall...how do you feel? I need and want these answers that I will never have. I can't talk to anyone because I feel bad for repeating myself. I feel my friends are sick of hearing me speak of it. I know my true friends don't mind because they love me but I try to avoid it anyway.
I'm sick of pretending. I'm tired of faking and telling people I'm ok. When people ask how I am, I want to SCREAM and tell them that I am hurting more than I have EVER hurt in my entire life and I just want you back. Of course I tell them I'm fine. Why do I lie?
I took you for granted and that is my one regret. You had so much to give me and I turned it down because I assumed that I had time. I haven't heard you speak to me personally since May. I heard you on the phone one time after you were sick before you got the tracheotomy. I call your voicemail all the time just to hear your voice but it's not the same and never will be because it's not you to me.
What am I going to do?