Lost
I felt like writing an small AU last night. With no plot in mind, I put the Ipod on shuffle and ended up with this.
It's first person, and I feel very weird about that.
It took me a while to figure out I was in the hospital. It was hard to think because my head feels like it is stuffed with cotton. If it weren’t for the strong smell of antiseptic it would have taken me a lot longer. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I know she is here
God, I was such an idiot.
If any of my sergeants in the army could see me now, they would be ashamed of me. Well, first they would have kicked my ass and then they would be ashamed of me.
“Your heartbeat sped up. You’re awake aren’t you?” Sakura’s voiced interrupts me from my thoughts. She was right; I could now hear the buzz of the machines and that irritating beep.
I was such an idiot.
I make a show of waking up, opening my eyes as dramatically as I could, grunting as I stretched my arms. Anything to avoid looking into Sakura’s eyes.
I was such an-
“You’re an idiot.”
I look at Sakura in surprise. Since when could she read minds?
“Kakashi, why didn’t you tell me you were homeless?” she asks in a plaintive voice.
“Ah…” I hesitate. It’s not that I’m ashamed. Okay, no, I am ashamed. It’s an unpleasant truth that I chose not to bring up. I tell her this.
The look she gives me is absolutely heartbreaking and I turn away from her. The machine next to me begins to beep faster and I curse my luck. It’s like having a lie detector strapped to my arm. My timing has never been very good.
“What happened to your parent’s house?”
“It was seized by the bank to pay for hospital bills.” I hadn’t known about it the first time I came home on leave. Awkward.
Sakura frowns. “I thought the army gave you money. Surely, you could afford an apartment.”
I stare at the plain white sheets of my bed. Yeah, the army gave me money. But it’s hard to keep an apartment when your dreams make you scream at night. The neighbors complain because they can't sleep. I don’t tell her this; I don’t speak to her about unpleasant truths. It’s an old habit of mine, a pointless habit because the little girl who lived down the street from me is now pre-med and she knows what Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder is. The night terrors have probably stopped by now, but I don't tell her that either.
Beside’s it’s not that bad being homeless. I have a mailbox at the post office to collect my mail. I have a way to get around, a bank card to hold my money, a rental space to keep my things, and a membership at a fancy fitness center to shower. I’ve started volunteering at an afterschool program after I met Sakura in a bookstore. The man in charge loves me because he says I’m a positive male role model and many boys don’t have one. I like this new part of my life, I like having some influence on anyone’s life, and not being really responsible if they screw up. I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for Sakura. Seeing her changed me in a way. Before I was just waiting for the next call where I could get back to my time in the army.
Between the library, bookstore, afterschool club and fitness center, it’s not that bad. It’s like I have several homes. I tell her this.
Sakura is not amused by charm.
Beep Beep Beep
I pick at the IV attached to my wrist.
“Don’t do that,” she says as she swats my hand. "You nearly drowned under that bridge. If you…” Her lip quivers and I have that insane urge to kiss her.
BeepBeepBeepBeepBeep
Fucking machine.
“I had to rescue a dog,” I say, trying to calm my heart rate down.
She glares at me. “Don’t lie to me.”
I shrug. All those lies I’ve been spinning to her have finally caught up to me. It was true though. Pakkun was a wrinkly little ball of fluff, but I had to make certain he wasn’t barking at the rising water. Sometimes I think he’s the smartest dog in the world and sometimes… well, there WAS a reason I nearly drowned.
I shouldn’t have risked my neck for the dog, but he’s one of the few living things that I feel cares about me. That and Sakura. Besides there was a reason why I had her phone number laminated and a note addressed to her of where I kept all my things.
“I brought your mail,” Sakura says, pointing at the side table. “I promise I didn’t take any of it.” She pulls up a purse and places it on her lap. “I have to go now. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I close my eyes and pretend that I’m falling back asleep. I didn’t care if she had taken any of my mail, the only thing I ever received was ads and bills. I hear her steps as they travel down the hallway. I sit up on my bed, and flick through the papers. My hand pauses when I notice the envelope from the government. I open it up and I only need one sentence to confirm what I suspected and I try to ignore my disappointment.
Duty Calls.
It's first person, and I feel very weird about that.
It took me a while to figure out I was in the hospital. It was hard to think because my head feels like it is stuffed with cotton. If it weren’t for the strong smell of antiseptic it would have taken me a lot longer. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I know she is here
God, I was such an idiot.
If any of my sergeants in the army could see me now, they would be ashamed of me. Well, first they would have kicked my ass and then they would be ashamed of me.
“Your heartbeat sped up. You’re awake aren’t you?” Sakura’s voiced interrupts me from my thoughts. She was right; I could now hear the buzz of the machines and that irritating beep.
I was such an idiot.
I make a show of waking up, opening my eyes as dramatically as I could, grunting as I stretched my arms. Anything to avoid looking into Sakura’s eyes.
I was such an-
“You’re an idiot.”
I look at Sakura in surprise. Since when could she read minds?
“Kakashi, why didn’t you tell me you were homeless?” she asks in a plaintive voice.
“Ah…” I hesitate. It’s not that I’m ashamed. Okay, no, I am ashamed. It’s an unpleasant truth that I chose not to bring up. I tell her this.
The look she gives me is absolutely heartbreaking and I turn away from her. The machine next to me begins to beep faster and I curse my luck. It’s like having a lie detector strapped to my arm. My timing has never been very good.
“What happened to your parent’s house?”
“It was seized by the bank to pay for hospital bills.” I hadn’t known about it the first time I came home on leave. Awkward.
Sakura frowns. “I thought the army gave you money. Surely, you could afford an apartment.”
I stare at the plain white sheets of my bed. Yeah, the army gave me money. But it’s hard to keep an apartment when your dreams make you scream at night. The neighbors complain because they can't sleep. I don’t tell her this; I don’t speak to her about unpleasant truths. It’s an old habit of mine, a pointless habit because the little girl who lived down the street from me is now pre-med and she knows what Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder is. The night terrors have probably stopped by now, but I don't tell her that either.
Beside’s it’s not that bad being homeless. I have a mailbox at the post office to collect my mail. I have a way to get around, a bank card to hold my money, a rental space to keep my things, and a membership at a fancy fitness center to shower. I’ve started volunteering at an afterschool program after I met Sakura in a bookstore. The man in charge loves me because he says I’m a positive male role model and many boys don’t have one. I like this new part of my life, I like having some influence on anyone’s life, and not being really responsible if they screw up. I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for Sakura. Seeing her changed me in a way. Before I was just waiting for the next call where I could get back to my time in the army.
Between the library, bookstore, afterschool club and fitness center, it’s not that bad. It’s like I have several homes. I tell her this.
Sakura is not amused by charm.
Beep Beep Beep
I pick at the IV attached to my wrist.
“Don’t do that,” she says as she swats my hand. "You nearly drowned under that bridge. If you…” Her lip quivers and I have that insane urge to kiss her.
BeepBeepBeepBeepBeep
Fucking machine.
“I had to rescue a dog,” I say, trying to calm my heart rate down.
She glares at me. “Don’t lie to me.”
I shrug. All those lies I’ve been spinning to her have finally caught up to me. It was true though. Pakkun was a wrinkly little ball of fluff, but I had to make certain he wasn’t barking at the rising water. Sometimes I think he’s the smartest dog in the world and sometimes… well, there WAS a reason I nearly drowned.
I shouldn’t have risked my neck for the dog, but he’s one of the few living things that I feel cares about me. That and Sakura. Besides there was a reason why I had her phone number laminated and a note addressed to her of where I kept all my things.
“I brought your mail,” Sakura says, pointing at the side table. “I promise I didn’t take any of it.” She pulls up a purse and places it on her lap. “I have to go now. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I close my eyes and pretend that I’m falling back asleep. I didn’t care if she had taken any of my mail, the only thing I ever received was ads and bills. I hear her steps as they travel down the hallway. I sit up on my bed, and flick through the papers. My hand pauses when I notice the envelope from the government. I open it up and I only need one sentence to confirm what I suspected and I try to ignore my disappointment.
Duty Calls.