Confession
I have officially decided that some of my most hated words, although very kind, are "You have a beautiful face." You see, these words have a connotation...or a "but", if you will, and everyone who says them to me knows about this connotation, and yet it is never acknowledged. "You have a beautiful face, BUT your body is not so beautiful." I know what you are thinking...Allyse is going on another self-pity rant, but that's not it. I am perfectly happy with myself and the way I am, because I understand being overweight has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my genetic makeup. I am posting this so that other people understand that my "weight issue" is not really an issue at all. I am completely healthy, have been my entire life, and I plan on staying healthy...because believe it or not I eat well, in healthy proportions, AND I exercise. My weight has nothing to do with my person, and yet it seems to prevent any members of the opposite sex to even consider me as relationship worthy. I'm not quite sure if this has something to do with the maturity level of the males of my age group, and if things will improve as I get older...but I do know that I have probably lost my chance to have my first relationship or kiss in high school, and I am still waiting...because of the way I look. I guess I am writing this because I just don't understand. Why does being overweight make me so much more less attractive that a skinny girl? When I look in the mirror, I don't see FAT...but perhaps I am. I just don't understand what everyone is afraid of. It doesn't make me any less of a person, and it's part of who I am. I suppose one day I will find a man that loves me for all of me, including my weight, because it's a part of me. But for now, I am just really confused. I don't really know why I am putting this out there. When I sat down to write this I think there was much more to say, and more reasoning behind what I wanted to say. However, this is what came out, and I guess what I am trying to say is...I'm sick of the judgment. I'm a good person, and if I have such a beautiful face...nothing else should matter. Extra weight is nothing to be afraid of. I'm a little embarrassed that I'm writing this, but I suppose if I sat down to do it...it's something I needed to get off my chest. So here it is...I'm not looking for sympathy...I'm looking to educate.