What Really Matters - 14/?
[Title] What Really Matters
[Pairing] Haehyuk, others to come
[Genre] Romance/Fluff/Drama
[Rating] PG-PG 13
[Summary] Donghae is the new kid in school and he immediately befriends shy and quiet Hyukjae. As Donghae’s popularity grows, his finds himself having to choose between Hyukjae and his popular friends, who don’t think he should hang out with the school ‘nerd’.
[Disclaimer] I only own the ideas in this fic.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Donghae walked away from the door to Hyukjae’s room, speeding quickly down the hallway so that he could leave without being noticed and consequently embarrassed and keeping a bit of his pride intact, though he couldn’t say the same for the fragile state of his heart at the moment. He zipped down the stairs and was hoping to slip past the kitchen without Hyukjae’s mom seeing him, but as his luck would have it-
“Donghae? What’s wrong?” she asked him.
“Ah, nothing. I was just… um,”
“Were you that hungry? Poor thing. Don’t worry, I have the snacks right here,” she said, holding up a tray of food and smiling a smile that was strikingly similar to Hyukjae’s.
“No, that’s n-not it,” Donghae stuttered out.
“There’s no need to be shy, sweetie. Come on, let’s get these up to Hyukjae. I’m sure he’s hungry by now too,” she said, nodding to the stairs, and Donghae had no choice but to reluctantly follow behind her.
Donghae was silent during the walk, feeling his heart pounding harder and harder as they got closer to Hyukjae’s room. When Hyukjae’s mom knocked on the door, Donghae went rigid when he heard Hyukjae’s voice.
“Yeah?"
“I brought something for you,” she sang in a sweet voice and simultaneously opened the door. Donghae quickly moved to the side, a lame attempt at not being seen.
“Thanks mom,” Hyukjae said as she walked into the room and placed the tray on Hyukjae’s bed.
“And you also have a visitor,” she said as Hyukjae took a bite out of the cookie.
“Really?” He looked behind his mother curiously. “Where?” he asked when he didn’t see anyone behind her. She turning around, looking puzzled at the lack of Donghae.
“Where did he go?-Oh, there you are! What are you doing out there?” she asked when she peeked outside of the room and saw Donghae standing next to the door. She waved him in and Donghae fought the urge to run away.
He hesitantly stepped through the door and Hyukjae’s eyes fell on him. He still had a cookie shoved halfway in his mouth, but Donghae saw the way Hyukjae’s eyes widened in surprise.
Donghae waved to him shyly. “…Hey, Hyukjae.”
Hyukjae said nothing.
“Hyukjae. He was nice enough to come all the way over here to check up on you. Quit stuffing you face and greet him,” his mother lightly scolded. Hyukjae swallowed the cookie in his mouth and looked at Donghae nervously before casting his eyes down again.
“Hi Donghae,” he said quietly.
“Tsk, still as shy as ever,” his mother said, looking at Hyukjae fondly. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone. Call me if you need anything, ok?” she said, before giving the two one last smile and exiting the room.
Hyukjae and Donghae both looked everywhere but at each other, the silence extremely uncomfortable, but the idea of being the one to think of something to break the ice was even more so. Donghae shifted from foot to foot, racking his brain with something he could say so that he could leave quickly.
“Donghae…” Hyukjae started. Donghae’s eyes flickered to Hyukjae, but the other was picking at another cookie, carefully avoiding Donghae’s gaze.
“Y-yeah,” he asked hesitantly.
“Why are you here?”
Donghae opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again when he realized he was about to admit to Hyukjae that he had come over to confess his feelings only to overhear him talking on the phone to his boyfriend.
“I, er… um… you didn’t come to school today. I just wanted to check on you… Give you homework… You know,” Donghae shrugged, trying to seem indifferent.
“Oh. Thank you… but, I’m fine,” Hyukjae said after a while.
“That’s good,” Donghae said, sticking his hands in his pockets and looking around the room as another awkward silence developed between the two.
Hyukjae shifted on his bed, causing Donghae to glance at him again, and he saw Hyukjae curl into himself and twirl his blanket in between his fingers. Donghae could see how uncomfortable the other was and now that he knew about the relationship between Hyukjae and Junsu, he knew that he was way out of line when he kissed him earlier, and he suddenly felt really appalled at himself. He couldn’t imagine how Hyukjae must be feeling when he had practically forced himself on the other. Hyukjae was just too nice to tell Donghae off like he knew he deserved. Yesung was right. He had never taken the time to think about Hyukjae feelings.
“Look, Hyukjae,” Donghae started, carefully avoiding those big brown eyes that landed on him. “I really came by to talk to you about something.”
“A-about what?” Hyukjae asked, heart pounding for a million different reasons.
“About the other day.” Hyukjae said nothing, feeling a weird sense of déjà vu and getting more anxious as more time passed and the longer Donghae avoided looking at him.
“Well… when you were at my house, I… I did something really unforgiveable to you and I’m sorry. I just- I can never seem to think straight when you… I mean I just,” Donghae broke off and sighed in frustration. “I did something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to… I’m- I’m really sorry Hyukjae.” Donghae braved a glance at Hyukjae and was surprised to see the other with his head down and his arms wrapped around him. “Hyukjae?” he asked, taking a hesitant step forward only to freeze in place when a single tear rolled down Hyukjae’s cheek.
“Why?... Why do you always do this?” Hyukjae asked quietly.
“I… I don’t know what-“
“I just don’t understand you! You’re so confusing!” Hyukjae yelled, making Donghae widen his eyes in shock. “Why did you even do that to me in the first place if you were just going to take it back?! Do you just like toying with me or something?! Is it fun to mess with my head?!” Hyukjae ranted, and Donghae was sure he had never heard the other speak so much at one time.
“I swear, I never meant to make you feel that way Hyukjae,” Donghae said so sincerely that Hyukjae released a sob.
“Why can’t you just understand how I feel?” he asked brokenly, more to himself than Donghae, and the latter had never felt more despicable in his life.
“I’m so sorry, Hyukjae. I promise, I’ll never do anything like that to you again,” Donghae said, although he was fervently fighting the urge to go and gather him up in embrace as he spoke the words. He thought that would make Hyukjae stop crying but it seemed to have the opposite effect.
“What can I do to make this better?” Donghae nearly pleaded, willing to do anything to make Hyukjae stop crying because of him.
“…Just stop,” Hyukjae breathed out.
“Stop what?” Donghae asked, almost taking back what he said. What if Hyukjae asked him to stop hanging to him, talking around him, stop seeing him? As selfish as it sounded, even in his own mind, he didn’t think he could handle leaving Hyukjae alone.
“Just stop everything. Stop hurting me, and-and making me so confused and stop making me second guess everything we do and say to each other. Stop making me hate you and love you all at the same time! Stop making me feel like I’m in hell one day and on top of the world the next! Just stop it all, I hate feeling this helpless and- What are you doing?!” Hyukjae nearly shrieked when Donghae sat on his bed and grabbed his head in between his hands.
“Say that again,” Donghae said, looking intently into Hyukjae’s eyes, a seriousness the latter hadn’t seen in his eyes before.
“W-what?” Hyukjae said, reverting back to his timid self with Donghae’s face so close to his.
“Please Hyukjae. I need to make sure that you said what I think you said, and you meant what you said or I’m really going to go crazy here,” Donghae said, pulling Hyukjae’s face closer to his.
He watched Hyukjae mentally go through everything that he had said to Donghae with a frown on his face, and he knew that Hyukjae had figured out what he meant when his face heated up beneath his palms.
“I-I was just y-yelling anything, I didn’t, I mean I don’t-“
“Hyukjae, don’t lie to me,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Hyukjae’s. “Did you really mean that? Do you... do you love me Hyukjae?”
“I… I- I said I hated you too,” Hyukjae said, looking away from Donghae.
“Hyukjae,” Donghae’s voice was strained now.
“… It doesn’t matter… if I do or I don’t. It’s not like it changes anything,” he finally said, a few stray tears escaping his moist lashes. It took Donghae a second before he opened his eyes, and he met with Hyukjae’s closed ones, a sad expression still clearly evident on his face. He laughed once, a bitter and humorless sound before he let go of Hyukjae’s face, his hands dropping lifelessly back onto the bed.
“I almost forgot about that,” he said quietly, mind drifting back to the whole reason his confession was halted.
“I guess it wouldn’t really matter if you knew I felt the same way, either” he said, running a hand through his hair at the hopelessness at the situation. While he was drowning in his own misery, he completely missed the way Hyukjae was gaping wide-eyed at him.
“Ow! What was that for?” Donghae said, rubbing his arm where Hyukjae had just shoved him.
“That was for messing with me! You promised you wouldn’t do it anymore!” Hyukjae said, slapping Donghae repeatedly.
“Who said I was messing with you? I-Hey! Cut that out! Your hits hurt!”
“You’re such a jerk Donghae!”
“I was being serious!”
“Liar!”
“Would you just- Ouch! Hyukjae, would you listen to me!” Donghae yelled, grabbing Hyukjae by the wrists and pinning him on the bed in order to stop his surprisingly strong attack.
“Let me go!” Hyukjae tried to wriggle himself free.
“Not until you listen to me,” Donghae said, and Hyukjae stubbornly refused to meet his gaze. “Hyukjae, I may tease and poke fun at you, but I have never lied to you. About anything.” Hyukjae looked up and frowned. “And I never will.”
He really hated how honest Donghae’s eyes were. Or maybe he hated how he couldn’t seem to do anything but trust them.
“B-but, you can’t really mean what you said. There’s no way you would… that you could feel that way about m-me,” Hyukjae said, the small fire leaving his eyes and turning sadder and sadder by the second.
“And how would you know that?” Donghae asked curiously.
“I just do. I always knew that. That’s why I never… that’s why I hate that I let myself even hope.”
“You know Hyukjae, I’m a little disappointed,” Donghae said, causing Hyukjae to look up in confusion.
“I always thought you were really smart. That’s another thing I really love about you,” Donghae said, suddenly gaining more confidence seeing Hyukjae get shy and quiet like he was used to. He could see the bright color decorating Hyukjae’s cheeks while he spoke, and as he stared down at Hyukjae’s face, he couldn’t help but wonder how the other could ever question anyone falling in love with him.
“How could anyone not fall in love with you?” he asked, watching as Hyukjae grew redder, but still shook his head in denial. "You’re so much fun to be around. I can never keep a smile off of my face when I’m with you,” he said, grinning sweetly at Hyukjae.
“You’re the smartest person I know, and there’s never a dull moment with you,” he gripped Hyukjae’s hands tighter. “Just thinking about you makes my heart race and turns me into the big idiot you normally have to put up with,” he entwined their hands and placed one of Hyukjae’s hands on his chest, and sure enough, the heavy thudding of Donghae’s heart beat quickly against his hand.
“I can guarantee you that you’re sweeter than every single carton of strawberry milk that you inhale,” he said, chuckling softly.
“S-stop it,” Hyukjae murmured shyly. He could feel Donghae’s eyes boring into his and the heat spreading to his ears and neck.
“And, even though I’ve never fell for someone solely based on their looks,” he took their hands and ran his knuckle gently across Hyukjae’s soft and warm cheek. “You take my breath away with just a single glance in my direction.”
“C-cut it out,” Hyukjae said, internally fighting himself against burying his face into his pillows and listening to more of Donghae’s sweet talk.
“I’m not done. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be finished telling you all the reasons why I love you.”
“B-but you can’t,” Hyukjae tried to stress, even though every cell in his body was screaming for him to shut up and accept it.
“But I do,” Donghae said simply. “And I’m glad that I do.” Hyukjae watched Donghae watching him, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was dreaming. Everything seemed so impossibly perfect. Too perfect.
“I… I don’t know what to do,” Hyukjae admitted.
“I’m not trying to confuse you Hyukjae. I know it’s really unfair of me to say these things to you right now, but… I just couldn’t help myself anymore. I wanted to tell you how I felt, and I wanted you to know that I didn’t do those things to you without a reason,” Donghae said, slowly leaning back and pulling Hyukjae up with him. “And now you know.” He reluctantly released Hyukjae’s hands with one last squeeze.
“After this, I promise, I won’t do anything else to you. I don’t think Junsu-sshi would be too happy about it,” he said, scooting farther away from Hyukjae. Hyukjae only frowned at him in confusion.
“Junsu? Why would he care? Well, he was kinda upset when I told him about… what happened the other day- Not that I was telling him about it on purpose or anything! I was just really confused and wanted some advice and he called, and it just slipped out, but he was pretty useless anyway, so it’s not like it helped. I don’t think I’ll tell him about this.”
“As much as I would love to be your dirty little secret, I don’t think that’s fair to you. And although I should be pushing for anything to break you two up, I don’t want you to be unhappy, so… you should talk to him. Or, I can if you want me to. I’ll tell him it was all my fault and-“
“Wait, wait. What? Break us up?” Hyukjae asked incredulously. “Me and Su? We aren’t dating! Where did you even get that from? I told you before he was just my childhood friend!” Hyukjae exclaimed, completely thrown off guard.
“But I heard you on the phone with him earlier. You were talking about the, erm, you know, other day, and you said you were cheating, so I just assumed…”
“You were eavesdropping on me?”
“I couldn’t help it. I was already nervous enough as it is and I heard you say his name, so I got curious and… sort of… overheard your conversation.”
“I wasn’t talking about me, I was talking about you. You’re the cheater!” Hyukjae pointed an accusing finger at Donghae.
“Me?! I’m not a cheater!”
“Are you forgetting about Jessica?”
“What? Jessica? What about her?”
“You’re dating her!”
“Since when?!”
“Shouldn’t you know that?! What kind of boyfriend are you?!”
“The kind that doesn’t have a girlfriend? I’m not dating Jessica! Where did that even come from?” Donghae asked, genuinely confused.
“The whole school knows. You’ve been going on dates, playing around in the hall and at lunch and not to mention half of the school saw you guys make out at that party,” Hyukjae listed, frowning slightly as he ticked each thing off.
“I am never drinking again,” Donghae sighed and muttered quietly. “I was so wasted at that party, I don’t remember a thing I did, and that includes making out with Jessica. Trust me, I’m not dating her,” Donghae said, shaking his head.
“B-but, I thought- well, you guys act so coupley together. You’re always hanging out and laughing and giggling together, anyone would think that.”
“Yeah, but I act like that with you too,” Donghae pointed out.
“Well, yeah, but… you look better with her. And she seems to really like you too,” Hyukjae said.
“Well, I’m flattered, but I like someone else,” Donghae said, smirking at the way Hyukjae started blushing again. “Someone who I just recently found out is actually single?” Donghae said and wiggled an eyebrow teasingly at Hyukjae.
“You’re creeping me out,” Hyukjae said, slightly leaning back away from Donghae.
“In a good way?” Donghae followed Hyukjae’s movement.
“I-I didn’t think there was a good way to creep someone out,” Hyukjae blinked up at Donghae’s smiling face when his back hit the headboard.
“You’re changing the subject, Hyukjae,” Donghae said huskily. Hyukjae swallowed nervously.
“I-I don’t know what you m-mean,” he said, ducking his head. Donghae leaned over to cage Hyukjae in with his arms.
“What I mean is: there’s no Junsu, and no Jessica. So,” he leaned in to whisper in Hyukjae’s rapidly reddening ear, “what are we going to do about that?”
Hyukjae remained silent, clenching his eyes shut and trying not to whimper from the closeness.
“Are you sure you want to leave the first move up to me?” he asked, chuckling when Hyukjae’s head shot up and he looked at Donghae in surprise. “Then, I’ll leave it up to you,” he said.
“What?” Hyukjae squeaked. “I c-can’t!”
“Here, I’ll make it easy for you,” he said, leaning in close enough so Hyukjae could feel his breath and closed his eyes.
He tried extremely hard to keep himself from laughing as he imagined the look on Hyukjae’s face. Hyukjae was too shy to even look him in the eye most of the time, let alone take the initiative to kiss him. He just wanted to tease him a little bit. Hyukjae’s flustered look was arguably one of his favorites.
Just when he thought he had teased the other enough and he was about to open his eyes to see the look on the other’s face, he felt a hand on his chest and a soft and hesitant brush of skin press briefly against his lips. It was chaste and light, and before Donghae could hurry to return the favor, it was over. He opened his eyes, only to see Hyukjae looking down again.
He couldn’t stop the smile that bubbled up on his face as he gathered Hyukjae up in his arms and crushed him against his chest and pressed a lingering kiss on the top of his head.
“I really love you, Hyukjae,” he said, resting on his sweet-scented hair. He felt Hyukjae slowly wrap his hand around his back and he couldn’t help but hug him tighter.
“Hyukjae, are you and Donghae okay up here? Do you guys need more- Donghae… what are you doing on the floor?” Hyukjae’s mom asked as he walked in and saw him in a heap on the floor.
“I uh, was looking for my con…tact?” he said, as he quickly squinted one eye.
“Oh, do you need any help?”
“Ah, thank you but, that's okay. Hyukkie can help me,” he said, sending a look to Hyukjae who was beet red.
“’Hyukkie’? Aww, how cute are you,” Mrs. Lee gushed, looking over to her son. “Hyukjae, you’re so red. Do you still feel sick?” she said, wanting to go over to feel his forehead, but not wanting to step on Donghae’s ‘lost contact’ that he was still blindly looking for.
“I’m fine, mom,” Hyukjae said nervously.
“He’s just a little love sick,” Donghae said quietly and Hyukjae shot him a glare.
“What did you say dear?” his mom asked.
“I was just wondering if there were any more of your delicious cookies,” Donghae said, flashing her a winning smile.
“There’s plenty. I’ll bring them right up. And get up and help Donghae look for his contact, Hyukkie,” his mom teased.
“Mom!”
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A/N: After all I put them through, I really, really hope their confession scene was worth the wait ^^; Please go easy on me. I'm terribly sick right now u_u
And since I love you guys and I’m so nice /dodges the lung I coughed up while writing this/ I decided to get them together now and have all the drama come up next so that the story doesn't end so soon! Yay! Anticipate it with me! \o/
And the happy and fluffy chapter is totally not supposed to distract you from my smalllitlehiatusineedtogoon. /insert really happy smile/ But seriously, after updating (hopefully soon) my other stories, I've gotta go on hiatus until like... April? This smester is really just... makes me sad ;~;
But like a true addict, I shall find times to sneak back on and drop a random update, or N one-shot or two. So, expect it, but... don't... expect it? Idk. Ok, I'm seroulsy rambling now. I'm all jacked up on nyquil, cold pills and cough drops x-x so I probably stopped making sense like a paragraph ago...
Bye~