to look is to lose
do you ever look for something, or do something over and over again and only end up with pain? but then you do it again anyway? whats up with that? are we insane or just really dumb? do we have an addiction to pain? it sure seems like it sometimes.
then you eventually stop believing what youre looking for is out there. but you cant make yourself stop looking or stop hoping.
why cant we be jaded~ so we can be set against it all and just give up?
sometimes you can think youre jaded and you have given up, but suddenly youre hurt again. youre hurt yet again because you couldnt find what you were looking for, but this time YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING.
what a bitch.
mayb im just an idealist. in other words, i look to people to be a certain ideal. now note~ i am not a perfectionist~ i dont look for perfection, in fact i cant stand perfection in people. flaws really do make people wonderful. BUT i do look for an imperfect ideal. but i cant find the ideal i look for in certain aspects of my life, so i try to have everything else in my life as ideal as possible. i try to dress my ideal fashion. i watch ideal movies. i try to give an ideal preformance. i try to have my ideal relationship with my family. because those ideals make me happy.they are not perfect. and i like it that way. they are ideal, and i love that, and when anything threatens my ideals, it feels like my world is falling apart.
you may think im spoiled. you are probably right.
because most aspects of my life are ideal, however some are not. and because of that i cant focus on how lucky i am to have the ideals that i do, but only can focus on the ideals i dont have.
its so much easier to feel the pain than the joy. its like that nagging thing left undone in the back of your mind when your out trying to have a good time.
but for tonight lets roll up the pain and throw it in the hamper, just so we can try it on again tomorrow.
sweet dreams my loves.xoxox
then you eventually stop believing what youre looking for is out there. but you cant make yourself stop looking or stop hoping.
why cant we be jaded~ so we can be set against it all and just give up?
sometimes you can think youre jaded and you have given up, but suddenly youre hurt again. youre hurt yet again because you couldnt find what you were looking for, but this time YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING.
what a bitch.
mayb im just an idealist. in other words, i look to people to be a certain ideal. now note~ i am not a perfectionist~ i dont look for perfection, in fact i cant stand perfection in people. flaws really do make people wonderful. BUT i do look for an imperfect ideal. but i cant find the ideal i look for in certain aspects of my life, so i try to have everything else in my life as ideal as possible. i try to dress my ideal fashion. i watch ideal movies. i try to give an ideal preformance. i try to have my ideal relationship with my family. because those ideals make me happy.they are not perfect. and i like it that way. they are ideal, and i love that, and when anything threatens my ideals, it feels like my world is falling apart.
you may think im spoiled. you are probably right.
because most aspects of my life are ideal, however some are not. and because of that i cant focus on how lucky i am to have the ideals that i do, but only can focus on the ideals i dont have.
its so much easier to feel the pain than the joy. its like that nagging thing left undone in the back of your mind when your out trying to have a good time.
but for tonight lets roll up the pain and throw it in the hamper, just so we can try it on again tomorrow.
sweet dreams my loves.xoxox