Jul 07, 2007 18:40
so maybe i have a sickness.
i like to make myself sad.
today has been pretty weird.
i've just been out of it.
they said that it's going to be $1400 to fix my car.
plus the rental car for 4 days so $160.
it's ridiculous.
on the way home today i heard that joan osborne song "what if God was one of us"
and i almost cried.
there's a part in it that says something like
"what would you ask if you had just one question?"
and the first thing that popped into my head was that i'd ask why he took my mom from me.
and it really killed me.
obviously i'm bitter about it.
i don't think about it every day (anymore)
but i still don't agree with whatever reason He had.
i don't think i'll ever fully recover from it.
and the ex. why do i still get sad about it?
i don't care for the most part, but then on those days when i least expect it...something pops up and i can't help but wonder why her? why not me?
not that i really think i could spend the rest of my life with him (although at some point in my life i did) things just make me wonder about it.
maybe if i had someone else i wouldn't wonder about him anymore.
so where is someone else?