(no subject)
I used to promise myself I would never sit in a cubicle, I would never be like my parents; selling their souls for the almighty dollar. Well I am a fucking sellout, a fucking spineless money grubbing corporate whore, I have nothing left, my entire life has been sold to MCI. Alper offered me 1000$ for two weeks in July to work on documentary in New York, all expenses are paid for and I get a lot of time in the city …. But this would mean most likely losing my job at MCI, they don’t let you take vacations like that. So the decision of whether to go with what I love and thus risk my financial stability, housing, car and school for the next year, or to sell out everything I want top do with my life and insure I have a steady job through the summer and on into school. I want to cry, I am so scared for my life, not so much scared I will fail, that isn’t the worst that could happen, no more scared that the realities of adulthood and fiscal independence/responsibility will come before my dreams and in the end corrupt and cloud them. Fuck, what to do, what to do … I could help but cry the entire way home, the revelation of my duplicity isn’t something I stomach easily and the pain of decision and responsibility weight heavily on my heart.