crashing
God before I start, this is a warning that this entry is a huge rant...
Im so stressed out about money..about home life..about bills...about friendships that seem non-exsist anymore...and dying relationships.
I havent been happy in a long time. Sure, I have happy moments, but few in far between is when they come.
I need a job that pays good...I feel like I cannot afford anything. I hope mervyns calls me the fuck back.
At least I get some money at the end of this week...and I am going to make myself happy and maybe do DIY hair extentions if Val can help me.
I want to be able to drive. But at the same time, I dont.
I know how I am, and I know I will take off.
My relationship seems to be dying more and more everyday. So what, maybe I am "extra" sensitive, doesnt that mean you should try a little harder to be gentle with me?
Or fucking try at all anymore? I seriously fucking give up. I dont feel loved, dont feel appreciated at all. Fuck, I dont even feel well liked.
Im not even your fucking fiance. To one person I am, the next your girlfriend...whats next, "This is my room mate"...Im waiting for that one.
I even go look at a guys myspace that I KNOW, then im a slut.
You fucking flirt with fucking sluts and Im supposed to deal with it. You have no fucking tact when it comes to flirting with bitches anymore. No fucking feelings for me anymore it seems. Im tired of it. Im tired of being a god damn doormat, of being called "self fish" and "paranoid". Maybe if you stop the lies, I wouldnt always be paranoid...stopped the flirting I wouldnt be hurt and pissed at all these fucking female "friends" of yours all the time.
I try and talk to you, and you can tell I am hurt when I fucking cry. I dont understand how you get mad at me...you want me to talk, but you dont want to listen...or even hear me.
How am I supposed to be in a relationship with you like this?
How am I supposed to even live like this anymore.....
Im so stressed out about money..about home life..about bills...about friendships that seem non-exsist anymore...and dying relationships.
I havent been happy in a long time. Sure, I have happy moments, but few in far between is when they come.
I need a job that pays good...I feel like I cannot afford anything. I hope mervyns calls me the fuck back.
At least I get some money at the end of this week...and I am going to make myself happy and maybe do DIY hair extentions if Val can help me.
I want to be able to drive. But at the same time, I dont.
I know how I am, and I know I will take off.
My relationship seems to be dying more and more everyday. So what, maybe I am "extra" sensitive, doesnt that mean you should try a little harder to be gentle with me?
Or fucking try at all anymore? I seriously fucking give up. I dont feel loved, dont feel appreciated at all. Fuck, I dont even feel well liked.
Im not even your fucking fiance. To one person I am, the next your girlfriend...whats next, "This is my room mate"...Im waiting for that one.
I even go look at a guys myspace that I KNOW, then im a slut.
You fucking flirt with fucking sluts and Im supposed to deal with it. You have no fucking tact when it comes to flirting with bitches anymore. No fucking feelings for me anymore it seems. Im tired of it. Im tired of being a god damn doormat, of being called "self fish" and "paranoid". Maybe if you stop the lies, I wouldnt always be paranoid...stopped the flirting I wouldnt be hurt and pissed at all these fucking female "friends" of yours all the time.
I try and talk to you, and you can tell I am hurt when I fucking cry. I dont understand how you get mad at me...you want me to talk, but you dont want to listen...or even hear me.
How am I supposed to be in a relationship with you like this?
How am I supposed to even live like this anymore.....