Detour
A/N: Because I felt like writing it down. Ohohoho.
--
At first it started all simple, quiet, and expectations were indeed low. Although it was kind of difficult for me to cope up with his schedule, our first few months together were bearable. The dates weren’t frequent, he would only come over on lucky days when paparazzi wasn’t around, and days would actually pass by without us talking on the phone. Sometimes we would even last a whole week without hearing a single word from each other.
It was only then a few days ago I realized the equivalent time of me missing him, to the days we haven’t really kept in touch. It was as if we were just friends. Even if we clearly act like lovers whenever we’re together, I still feel like the timing was somehow wrong, and the feelings were only there when they should be.
It feels like I’m more of an option than a priority.
I glance down at my phone, still feeling the hard bump in my throat that caused all of the tears. Yes, there were tears. It was the first time I’ve ever cried myself to sleep, worrying about how he’s doing, and if he’s doing alright; if he’s doing okay without me around. The uncertainty kept me up all night, wondering if he’s experiencing the same agonizing torture; feeling like the whole world seems depopulated.
On the night before his birthday, I took the liberty to stay up and wait ‘til my clock told me that it was midnight. Despite the exhaustion I felt after being bombarded with schoolwork, I fought the sandman and waited patiently. I felt a little ridiculous, and not to mention childish, but since I wasn’t really the type who would be sweet even in special occasions, I kept myself a good reason why I should make him feel how important he was to me. He still is.
But then after about a million failed attempts to call him, it occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t important enough for him to worry about my greeting at all. My eyes never shut down ‘til dawn, and my efforts were all there, only to find out that he was having the time of his life, getting filled up with alcohol all night with his band-mates. The following day I received a message from him saying that he left his phone on silent and that he didn’t have the time to check it. He even had the nerve to get mad at me for not greeting him after that.
Here I am, counting the seconds that seemed like eternities, waiting for some kind of miracle to happen. I look around my apartment, seeing flashbacks of memories that might never replay again with every blink. Some of his belongings were still around; some scattered on the floor, all messed up from the fight we had last night.
I guess my instincts got to me after my realization. My doubts might have made me act differently towards him.
The pain in my chest won’t go away, and so then I decided not to go through this on my own.
--
After a few days of tormenting myself by being pitifully idle and reminiscing with every single object in my apartment that seemed to have his touches and scent all over, my senses finally came to me and so made me decide to part from this atmosphere.
My friend and classmate from the university; Rui-chan begged me for days to stay over and talk about what happened between Hikaru and I. She says that if I shared the whole story, all the hurt and sorrow would lessen and moving on wouldn’t be too tough. Being the stubborn girl that I am, I just had to wait until the pain was at its peak. Somehow she was right. I should have confronted this with her right after the break up. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to cry this much.
“There, there, Yuri-chan. Please.” She never gave up on comforting me, “You’ll get through this, I promise. I know it will be hard, but if it’s really what you two need, let him have his space, and yours for you to think.”
My brain never stopped to tell me how right her words were, but my heart wouldn’t give my eyes a rest either. Ever since I arrived here, the tears never stopped. The pain grew, and I thought to myself hard, if I would ever become the normal me again. I swear I have never had it this bad.
Two days passed, I began to loosen up a tiny bit. Staying in Rui’s place helped a lot. The smiles were there but the pain never went away. I’ve stopped crying during mornings but it couldn’t be helped after sunsets. I somehow felt sorry for making Rui suffer all this trouble I am giving her. She practically does all my plates for me when I arrive from school, and takes care of me like I have some kind of dreadful disease.
Nights were still difficult.
“I want to stop!” I sobbed, clutching on one of her pillows, “I want to get better… but it seems like I never will.”
It came to the point where I couldn’t breathe well, and whenever I did, it would come with frequent hiccups and moans that show that I’m still not ready to move on yet.
“Yuri-chan, I know you’re not in your best shape right now, but please think positive!” she continues to stroke my hair, “you’ll get there if you stop thinking about him.”
I met her eyes as she gave a weak smile, probably trying to make me smile as well.
Instead, I buried my face into the pillow as she let off a big sigh.
Just then loud knocks on the door began to fill in my ears. I looked up to see Rui rushing to the kitchen grabbing an unused frying pan.
Scared out of my mind, I ran up to the bed and hid under the sheets. As if it will protect me from anything.
Still under the blanket with a faint sight of Rui slowly opening her door, I held my mouth shut. My heart raced after I heard that familiar voice that shouted my name.
“Yuri-chan!” he called out, struggling as Rui blocked his way in, “I know you’re here!”
“Hikaru go away!” she yells at him, still holding the pan in her hands, “you have no business here!”
“Rui-chan please…” his voice became softer as I got out of the covers to find him on his knees, “I need to see her…”
She looks back at me, giving that unsure expression she always gives whenever she wants me to disagree. Tears were still running down my face. I felt numb and confused, trying to make out what was currently happening. The whiplash of emotions that came to me almost killed. He’s looking at me now, eyes puffy, face red and worn out. His tears began to fall as he panted for air. I did the same.
“Well?” Rui breaks our silence, “Yuri-chan…it all comes down to you if you want to talk to him or not.”
His eyes were now bloody red, his hair in a mess as sweat drips down the side of his face. I fought the wicked urge to run to him and hold him, and tell him how much I missed him, and how much I needed him.
…but having high pride is my pride.
I bent my head down and shook it. I couldn’t bear to see his reaction to my rejection.
“Hikaru, please leave or I will be forced to call the police.” My friend says, pulling my ex-boyfriend’s arm, trying to help him stand up.
He left.
--
On my way to school the next day I wore a faint smile of optimism. All of the negativity last night gave made me want to think about how my life should start over, and how I should walk this path alone. Now is the perfect time to know the difference between holding a hand, and chaining a soul. I decided to do this, and so there wasn’t any time where I should take back my words.
Starting from today, I’m going to move on.
Acting normal in school helped me adjust to being back to my normal self for real. Lessons and studying made me forget about the things that made me hurt for a while. Feeding myself with business loosened the pain in my chest. He would still come across my mind, and I would sulk once in a while, but I tried my best not to show. I had to catch up on my studies anyway.
After school I thought, what better way to move on than to show a new you? I headed to the salon and got my hair dyed a happy light brown. I didn’t have the guts to get it cut yet, so this will have to do. Stepping out of the salon gave me that refreshing, new, rejoiced feeling.
“Yuri-chan! You look so pretty!” Rui says, stroking my locks, “Feeling any better now?”
I smiled once more, it was real this time.
“I feel good.”
“Well, that’s great!”
“Ne, Rui-chan. I know it’s been a hard time for you, and you’ve helped a whole lot. So I really want to say thanks.”
“Anything for a friend!” she beams, blowing her hot noodles.
I hesitated for a bit, but decided to go on with what I wanted to say anyway.
“I am going back to my apartment later.”
She stopped sipping a noodle half way then continues to slurp it whole.
“Are you sure?” she says while chewing slowly.
I nodded.
--
My apartment looked like a hurricane passed by. It was how I left it. All the stuff were still on the floor, there were unfinished plates on the table, and a cup of coffee next to my drawing pad that smelled like it’s been there for centuries. This place was a mess.
Before starting to clean up my living room, I noticed that the door of my room was slightly opened. From what I remember, I didn’t leave it that way when I left.
Then I remembered, I gave him my spare keys.
Quickly, I rushed out of my apartment again to find a familiar pair of shoes by the front door. How could I have not noticed these before?
Forgetting everything I’ve done, I hurried back inside and walked slowly towards my bedroom door. I held onto the knob and gently pushed it open.
And there he was, sleeping like an angel. He was still in those clothes he wore last night, his hair was even messier and his eyes outlined with red circles.
I sat next to where he lied down and touched his cheek.
He was so warm.
The way he looked right now made me want to cry. He looked so fragile, worried, and most of all sick, probably because of all the waiting he did.
He then flickered his eyes at the feel of my touch. With trembling hands, he grabbed both of mine, caressing it with his face.
“Yuri-chan…” he croaked, “please don’t go away…”
Right then I felt my eyes water again.
--
A/N: RUI! CONTINUE THIS DEMMEEEETTT :))
--
At first it started all simple, quiet, and expectations were indeed low. Although it was kind of difficult for me to cope up with his schedule, our first few months together were bearable. The dates weren’t frequent, he would only come over on lucky days when paparazzi wasn’t around, and days would actually pass by without us talking on the phone. Sometimes we would even last a whole week without hearing a single word from each other.
It was only then a few days ago I realized the equivalent time of me missing him, to the days we haven’t really kept in touch. It was as if we were just friends. Even if we clearly act like lovers whenever we’re together, I still feel like the timing was somehow wrong, and the feelings were only there when they should be.
It feels like I’m more of an option than a priority.
I glance down at my phone, still feeling the hard bump in my throat that caused all of the tears. Yes, there were tears. It was the first time I’ve ever cried myself to sleep, worrying about how he’s doing, and if he’s doing alright; if he’s doing okay without me around. The uncertainty kept me up all night, wondering if he’s experiencing the same agonizing torture; feeling like the whole world seems depopulated.
On the night before his birthday, I took the liberty to stay up and wait ‘til my clock told me that it was midnight. Despite the exhaustion I felt after being bombarded with schoolwork, I fought the sandman and waited patiently. I felt a little ridiculous, and not to mention childish, but since I wasn’t really the type who would be sweet even in special occasions, I kept myself a good reason why I should make him feel how important he was to me. He still is.
But then after about a million failed attempts to call him, it occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t important enough for him to worry about my greeting at all. My eyes never shut down ‘til dawn, and my efforts were all there, only to find out that he was having the time of his life, getting filled up with alcohol all night with his band-mates. The following day I received a message from him saying that he left his phone on silent and that he didn’t have the time to check it. He even had the nerve to get mad at me for not greeting him after that.
Here I am, counting the seconds that seemed like eternities, waiting for some kind of miracle to happen. I look around my apartment, seeing flashbacks of memories that might never replay again with every blink. Some of his belongings were still around; some scattered on the floor, all messed up from the fight we had last night.
I guess my instincts got to me after my realization. My doubts might have made me act differently towards him.
The pain in my chest won’t go away, and so then I decided not to go through this on my own.
--
After a few days of tormenting myself by being pitifully idle and reminiscing with every single object in my apartment that seemed to have his touches and scent all over, my senses finally came to me and so made me decide to part from this atmosphere.
My friend and classmate from the university; Rui-chan begged me for days to stay over and talk about what happened between Hikaru and I. She says that if I shared the whole story, all the hurt and sorrow would lessen and moving on wouldn’t be too tough. Being the stubborn girl that I am, I just had to wait until the pain was at its peak. Somehow she was right. I should have confronted this with her right after the break up. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to cry this much.
“There, there, Yuri-chan. Please.” She never gave up on comforting me, “You’ll get through this, I promise. I know it will be hard, but if it’s really what you two need, let him have his space, and yours for you to think.”
My brain never stopped to tell me how right her words were, but my heart wouldn’t give my eyes a rest either. Ever since I arrived here, the tears never stopped. The pain grew, and I thought to myself hard, if I would ever become the normal me again. I swear I have never had it this bad.
Two days passed, I began to loosen up a tiny bit. Staying in Rui’s place helped a lot. The smiles were there but the pain never went away. I’ve stopped crying during mornings but it couldn’t be helped after sunsets. I somehow felt sorry for making Rui suffer all this trouble I am giving her. She practically does all my plates for me when I arrive from school, and takes care of me like I have some kind of dreadful disease.
Nights were still difficult.
“I want to stop!” I sobbed, clutching on one of her pillows, “I want to get better… but it seems like I never will.”
It came to the point where I couldn’t breathe well, and whenever I did, it would come with frequent hiccups and moans that show that I’m still not ready to move on yet.
“Yuri-chan, I know you’re not in your best shape right now, but please think positive!” she continues to stroke my hair, “you’ll get there if you stop thinking about him.”
I met her eyes as she gave a weak smile, probably trying to make me smile as well.
Instead, I buried my face into the pillow as she let off a big sigh.
Just then loud knocks on the door began to fill in my ears. I looked up to see Rui rushing to the kitchen grabbing an unused frying pan.
Scared out of my mind, I ran up to the bed and hid under the sheets. As if it will protect me from anything.
Still under the blanket with a faint sight of Rui slowly opening her door, I held my mouth shut. My heart raced after I heard that familiar voice that shouted my name.
“Yuri-chan!” he called out, struggling as Rui blocked his way in, “I know you’re here!”
“Hikaru go away!” she yells at him, still holding the pan in her hands, “you have no business here!”
“Rui-chan please…” his voice became softer as I got out of the covers to find him on his knees, “I need to see her…”
She looks back at me, giving that unsure expression she always gives whenever she wants me to disagree. Tears were still running down my face. I felt numb and confused, trying to make out what was currently happening. The whiplash of emotions that came to me almost killed. He’s looking at me now, eyes puffy, face red and worn out. His tears began to fall as he panted for air. I did the same.
“Well?” Rui breaks our silence, “Yuri-chan…it all comes down to you if you want to talk to him or not.”
His eyes were now bloody red, his hair in a mess as sweat drips down the side of his face. I fought the wicked urge to run to him and hold him, and tell him how much I missed him, and how much I needed him.
…but having high pride is my pride.
I bent my head down and shook it. I couldn’t bear to see his reaction to my rejection.
“Hikaru, please leave or I will be forced to call the police.” My friend says, pulling my ex-boyfriend’s arm, trying to help him stand up.
He left.
--
On my way to school the next day I wore a faint smile of optimism. All of the negativity last night gave made me want to think about how my life should start over, and how I should walk this path alone. Now is the perfect time to know the difference between holding a hand, and chaining a soul. I decided to do this, and so there wasn’t any time where I should take back my words.
Starting from today, I’m going to move on.
Acting normal in school helped me adjust to being back to my normal self for real. Lessons and studying made me forget about the things that made me hurt for a while. Feeding myself with business loosened the pain in my chest. He would still come across my mind, and I would sulk once in a while, but I tried my best not to show. I had to catch up on my studies anyway.
After school I thought, what better way to move on than to show a new you? I headed to the salon and got my hair dyed a happy light brown. I didn’t have the guts to get it cut yet, so this will have to do. Stepping out of the salon gave me that refreshing, new, rejoiced feeling.
“Yuri-chan! You look so pretty!” Rui says, stroking my locks, “Feeling any better now?”
I smiled once more, it was real this time.
“I feel good.”
“Well, that’s great!”
“Ne, Rui-chan. I know it’s been a hard time for you, and you’ve helped a whole lot. So I really want to say thanks.”
“Anything for a friend!” she beams, blowing her hot noodles.
I hesitated for a bit, but decided to go on with what I wanted to say anyway.
“I am going back to my apartment later.”
She stopped sipping a noodle half way then continues to slurp it whole.
“Are you sure?” she says while chewing slowly.
I nodded.
--
My apartment looked like a hurricane passed by. It was how I left it. All the stuff were still on the floor, there were unfinished plates on the table, and a cup of coffee next to my drawing pad that smelled like it’s been there for centuries. This place was a mess.
Before starting to clean up my living room, I noticed that the door of my room was slightly opened. From what I remember, I didn’t leave it that way when I left.
Then I remembered, I gave him my spare keys.
Quickly, I rushed out of my apartment again to find a familiar pair of shoes by the front door. How could I have not noticed these before?
Forgetting everything I’ve done, I hurried back inside and walked slowly towards my bedroom door. I held onto the knob and gently pushed it open.
And there he was, sleeping like an angel. He was still in those clothes he wore last night, his hair was even messier and his eyes outlined with red circles.
I sat next to where he lied down and touched his cheek.
He was so warm.
The way he looked right now made me want to cry. He looked so fragile, worried, and most of all sick, probably because of all the waiting he did.
He then flickered his eyes at the feel of my touch. With trembling hands, he grabbed both of mine, caressing it with his face.
“Yuri-chan…” he croaked, “please don’t go away…”
Right then I felt my eyes water again.
--
A/N: RUI! CONTINUE THIS DEMMEEEETTT :))