"It's me thats on fire not this cigarette I was stabbed in the back by that young suffragette"
I've finally shed all intellectual pretensions and trivial attempts at there being concern in me for the wider world. Ultimately I've acknowleged that my brain is nothing but the battle ground for a clash of competing fandoms.
The Police: Leather trousers and pixie guitar players = gay, Stewart looks hot tho so...
My Message in a box came this morning, which is a collection of all the Police's songs, (album and b-sides) and a lovely book detailing their history which is full of yummy pictures. As such the songs I hadn't got or heard are all I feel like playing.
Especially lighting up the brain are those b-side songs that I had heard before on YouTube and been obsessed with. Namely a depressed Andy Summers number called "Someone to Talk to", another of his about eating people called "Friends" - which seems to not be on YouTube anymore....hmmm... and a darkly excellent Sting/Summers effort called, "Once Upon a Daydream".
This is making me heart Andy Summers with a level of infatuation which is maddening and frustrating to me.
It's like I don't comprehend how he can make music that so completely agrees with what is inside my heart. It is the music I would make if I could make music. Music is the only thing I trust I think, it's the only thing that makes me believe in anything being around for me in the world. It is the only thing that gives me a real, emotion driven, warmth inducing faith in the universal nature of human kind.
When I am feeling alienated it makes me sure that I have a connection to people, that I cannot be alone if I am listening to the tangible proof that someone else has likes born of the same pool of sources in the world. Yet at the same time I feel so maddeningly physically and ultimately lonely and alone even in the presence of this supreme unifying feeling that the experience is frustrating to me.
Oh yes and as I am writing this a fucking wonderful Summers instrumental called "Shambelle" has come on and I love this piece of music too.
I can't turn Shambelle off now.
Anyway before this arrived I was heavily back into obsessing about the Smiths, writing new Meat is Murder song fic about them and seeing "That Joke isn't Funny Anymore" as the very pinnacle of human endevour.
I love staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning then listening to that song because it makes me feel unstable. It has this eeriness to it when I am weakened by lack of sleep that makes me feel funny. It never fails to reduced me to absolute sobs, tears upon tears. It is the weirdest thing in the world my fondness for these strange moments of derangement
because
I am such a sensible, sober, Boring (with a capital B) person that it is untrue.
Anyway yes Morrissey and Marr are my heros, there is something between them so palpable and bonding and ultimately born of love and intense love at that that shone through at random times. This union of theirs again gives me faith in human kind. Life affirming even with the messy end...
Before then I was of course heavily into a passionate appreciation of A-ha, mostly for their cerebral speech, honesty and social awkwardness. I have fallen into the trap of disbelieving slick talkers I think, I take the socially inept any time over those who don't fumble with their words and seem to be r r r popular. I mean yes A-ha were really really popular commercially I know but their interviews are hilarious because none of them knows what to say for themselves. They can't simply answer a question without their minds being distracted by the other answers there could be.
Also their music was something else at times. I am amused at the fact that I can play Here I Stand and Face the Rain by them on the keyboard in Sound Forge...it is so easy and yet that song is so packed with atmospherics for me, it is another one that can seriously make me go a bit funny in the head like "That Joke isn't funny anymore" does.
My mother has psoriasis, suddenly, randomly and I actually feel sorry for her, which must mean she isn't pissing me off so much at the moment. We seem able to traverse the disagreements between us if given long enough. We are actually in a hidden sense similar people.
Well apart from my self awareness and her lack of it in it's entireity of course.