sie la vie
Yeah life......... people ask you all the time "how are things going". I always think to myself "do they really want to know? or are they just being polite?" I guess your real friends want to know. Or at least those interested in being better friends with you. Well I forgot to come to lab assisting last week. I felt like a complete bum. Yeah ..... and I have been dealing w/past issues that keep sprouting up at me every year.
oh yeah so every year at about this time i get super emotional. super cranky and tend to crack down on my friends. and you know how people say you hate in others what you hate about yourself? well yeah ..... so i have finally broken the cause of this crazyness luy calls fall. I don't really need to go into all the details but having spent 4 years in the worst falls, one fall that i had constant anxiety attacks in, I have to say i'm glad to know why i was such a basket case. That being known, who needs a psychologist? i can do it myself. What i don't know if this distructive behavior will ever be resolved for me. i may carry around this guilt for all my life. I may destroy relationships forever. I do have to say that sometimes i was not completely in the wrong in some of the things that i have done but in retrospect I could have handled things better. Needless to say the past couple weeks have been very emotionally trying. I am glad nobody died. This may seem like a crass thing to say but so many people died on me this year it's very sad.
School is great. I have amazing grades this semester. of course i'm not taking any chemistry classes this semester. why do i want to go into chemistry? If i was doing any other major I could graduate with honors and could have been done already? what is wrong w/me. i guess it wouldn't really be much fun if everything came so easy. but my gpa really need a semester of good grades. i'm sad my chem grades from new zealand didn't transfer over to affect my gpa. that would have been magnificent. I got all A's in my chem electives. It's the required courses that are difficult. Beh!
I'm kinda fustrated w/my driving situation. I hope this will be resolved verly soon. I hope I still have enough money left to pay for everything as well.
I really don't like my job at lane bryant. I never really liked the work. I love the people I work with I love the crazy discount on all my clothes. I love that I can wear practically anything in the store b/c i wear the smallest size in the store. It's really a self esteem booster. But I hate that some people don't do their jobs but think that they are. I really don't want extra responsibility. I am a full time student. I was told that I wouldn't get more then 10 hours a week. well it seems they lied. I am working 18 hours a week. It doesn't seem like much but I am working another job that I am trying to squeeze in another 10 hours a week there. I got to school for 18 credit hours. I have my job at school that if i do it requires about 8 hours a week. And i'm also part of the pep band so about every other saturday sucks really bad. I guess it doesn't seem like a ton but I am never home. if i'm not at school i'm at work. if i'm not at work i'm at church. I have to skip out on class or church in order to get a couple quiet hours. It's really depressing. I can't wait till winter break. Hopefully my stuff will slow down. And I really don't want to work at lane bryant any more then I am right now. So I added available time during the winter break. but I am hoping that if i'm available more days then maybe i can have a weekend or two off. but that's not going to happen. i kinda am sucking more at work and not going way above and beyond so that i won't be scheduled so heavily but I am still doing my job so i don't get fired if that makes any sense. I think i'm gonna apply to the barnes and nobles that just opened by the mall. maybe i can work holiday time there. just seasonal. then maybe depending on how my current second job goes i can cut lane bryant back to just every other weekend. I don't know. ok i'm done
oh yeah so every year at about this time i get super emotional. super cranky and tend to crack down on my friends. and you know how people say you hate in others what you hate about yourself? well yeah ..... so i have finally broken the cause of this crazyness luy calls fall. I don't really need to go into all the details but having spent 4 years in the worst falls, one fall that i had constant anxiety attacks in, I have to say i'm glad to know why i was such a basket case. That being known, who needs a psychologist? i can do it myself. What i don't know if this distructive behavior will ever be resolved for me. i may carry around this guilt for all my life. I may destroy relationships forever. I do have to say that sometimes i was not completely in the wrong in some of the things that i have done but in retrospect I could have handled things better. Needless to say the past couple weeks have been very emotionally trying. I am glad nobody died. This may seem like a crass thing to say but so many people died on me this year it's very sad.
School is great. I have amazing grades this semester. of course i'm not taking any chemistry classes this semester. why do i want to go into chemistry? If i was doing any other major I could graduate with honors and could have been done already? what is wrong w/me. i guess it wouldn't really be much fun if everything came so easy. but my gpa really need a semester of good grades. i'm sad my chem grades from new zealand didn't transfer over to affect my gpa. that would have been magnificent. I got all A's in my chem electives. It's the required courses that are difficult. Beh!
I'm kinda fustrated w/my driving situation. I hope this will be resolved verly soon. I hope I still have enough money left to pay for everything as well.
I really don't like my job at lane bryant. I never really liked the work. I love the people I work with I love the crazy discount on all my clothes. I love that I can wear practically anything in the store b/c i wear the smallest size in the store. It's really a self esteem booster. But I hate that some people don't do their jobs but think that they are. I really don't want extra responsibility. I am a full time student. I was told that I wouldn't get more then 10 hours a week. well it seems they lied. I am working 18 hours a week. It doesn't seem like much but I am working another job that I am trying to squeeze in another 10 hours a week there. I got to school for 18 credit hours. I have my job at school that if i do it requires about 8 hours a week. And i'm also part of the pep band so about every other saturday sucks really bad. I guess it doesn't seem like a ton but I am never home. if i'm not at school i'm at work. if i'm not at work i'm at church. I have to skip out on class or church in order to get a couple quiet hours. It's really depressing. I can't wait till winter break. Hopefully my stuff will slow down. And I really don't want to work at lane bryant any more then I am right now. So I added available time during the winter break. but I am hoping that if i'm available more days then maybe i can have a weekend or two off. but that's not going to happen. i kinda am sucking more at work and not going way above and beyond so that i won't be scheduled so heavily but I am still doing my job so i don't get fired if that makes any sense. I think i'm gonna apply to the barnes and nobles that just opened by the mall. maybe i can work holiday time there. just seasonal. then maybe depending on how my current second job goes i can cut lane bryant back to just every other weekend. I don't know. ok i'm done