This is my time to shine
I used to go back and delete entries or cross things out in old journals if they didn't pertain to how I felt anymore, but I won't do that. My old entries are a reminder of how I used to feel and how far I've come. Of what I learned and of what I have left to learn. College has been an interesting time, and a turning point in my life. In the last three years, I've been through extreme highs and extreme lows, but most importantly, I've figured out who I want to be. Now I am starting down the path that will lead me to be that person. I know I'll mess up. I do all the time. But without the experiences that I had at Fordham, I would have never known who Elena really is and who she is going to be.
Freshman year was a daze because of the constant fun and partying. It was the year I fell in love, even though I didn't know it until the end of that school year. It was the year I learned about just how close two human beings can become. It was the year that I learned how to be social and how to make friends.
Sophomore year reality set in. I dealt with consequences that come from keeping my head in the clouds. I realized those clouds had fogged up my vision. I was appalled with some of the choices I had made in friends and who I so easily trusted. I became depressed as I rejected the relationships that had been so easy to construct in the daze of freshman year. All except for one of course. But things weren't easy, even though through my own negativity I began my career. I learned about relationship insecurities, jealousies, and immaturities. I sank into a rut that was hard to get out of. But I made it out alive and not alone.
Junior year I figured out who it is I want to be and who I have been. I told myself all the right things. I took a few leaps and formed lasting friendships. I became close to people once more, but treated my friendships with more care than freshman year. I overcame some insecurities, and tried to get over a few others. I'm still working on those. I stuck by the one I want to be with as he stuck by me through it all. It still wasn't easy, but it was an uphill journey instead of the downhill journey that sophomore year created. I gained a lot of my confidence back, and vowed to learn from my mistakes and rise above. Things got better.
Senior year approaches in just a few weeks. This is my year to take what I've learned to the max. I know I'll still make mistakes, but I hope to prevent them by keeping in mind all that I've learned. I want to really live this year and not have any regrets. I want to climb uphill when I have to and be at a happy plateau from here on out. I'll never stop learning about myself, but I want inner peace. I want the best for my relationship. I want to be a team player. I want to forget the things I can't control and work on the things that I can. I want to reach out to as many people as I can. I want to be the Elena that I've been growing into through all of this. I want her to shine. This is my year to shine. And once I leave Fordham, I want to continue shining and be proud of my journey. I'm not ashamed of anything I've ever felt. The only reason to be ashamed is if I never truly learned from my mistakes. Well I have, and while it's easy to trip a few times, I will keep walking and keep learning.
This is my time to shine.
Freshman year was a daze because of the constant fun and partying. It was the year I fell in love, even though I didn't know it until the end of that school year. It was the year I learned about just how close two human beings can become. It was the year that I learned how to be social and how to make friends.
Sophomore year reality set in. I dealt with consequences that come from keeping my head in the clouds. I realized those clouds had fogged up my vision. I was appalled with some of the choices I had made in friends and who I so easily trusted. I became depressed as I rejected the relationships that had been so easy to construct in the daze of freshman year. All except for one of course. But things weren't easy, even though through my own negativity I began my career. I learned about relationship insecurities, jealousies, and immaturities. I sank into a rut that was hard to get out of. But I made it out alive and not alone.
Junior year I figured out who it is I want to be and who I have been. I told myself all the right things. I took a few leaps and formed lasting friendships. I became close to people once more, but treated my friendships with more care than freshman year. I overcame some insecurities, and tried to get over a few others. I'm still working on those. I stuck by the one I want to be with as he stuck by me through it all. It still wasn't easy, but it was an uphill journey instead of the downhill journey that sophomore year created. I gained a lot of my confidence back, and vowed to learn from my mistakes and rise above. Things got better.
Senior year approaches in just a few weeks. This is my year to take what I've learned to the max. I know I'll still make mistakes, but I hope to prevent them by keeping in mind all that I've learned. I want to really live this year and not have any regrets. I want to climb uphill when I have to and be at a happy plateau from here on out. I'll never stop learning about myself, but I want inner peace. I want the best for my relationship. I want to be a team player. I want to forget the things I can't control and work on the things that I can. I want to reach out to as many people as I can. I want to be the Elena that I've been growing into through all of this. I want her to shine. This is my year to shine. And once I leave Fordham, I want to continue shining and be proud of my journey. I'm not ashamed of anything I've ever felt. The only reason to be ashamed is if I never truly learned from my mistakes. Well I have, and while it's easy to trip a few times, I will keep walking and keep learning.
This is my time to shine.