(no subject)

Jan 18, 2015 21:50

Title: Sam
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: NC-17
Summary: All he knows is that there was a blue light, and then he wasn't the same. As the brothers try to figure out what exactly happened to Sam, and who was responsible for it, they will have to deal with an interesting, albeit frustrating, new situation. Will Sam's new curves feed an affection that Dean will be unable to tame? If they cross that line, what happens to this girl who is not supposed to exist? And, most importantly, what happens to the real Sam, Dean's brother, trapped in her body, looking through her eyes...?
Warnings: Gender swap fic, girl!Sam



Previously:   Chapter 1     Chapter 5     Chapter 9
                    Chapter 2       Chapter 6     Chapter 10
                    Chaprer 3       Chapter 7     Chapter 11
                    Chapter 4       Chapter 8

Chapter 12

They were now driving a few miles out of the city and into the country; the three of them silent and apprehensive. That morning Sam and Dean had told Bobby about the girdle, which had spurred Bobby into immediate action.

“You have to get Aphrodite to change you back!” Bobby had urged.

“Bobby... Sam and I have talked about it. It’s Sam’s decision. She’ll choose whatever she thinks is best for her.”

“Dean, are you out of your mind? There’s no choice to be made here. Sam needs to change back into who he is!”

“The problem, Bobby, is that Sam is this girl in front of you too,” Dean had said and then his eyes had found Sam’s. She had smiled, truly pleased and thankful for that.

“But Dean, you promised!”

“I know. But it’s not my choice to make, Bobby. And I’ll back Sam up, whatever she chooses to do,” Dean had come a long way to finally be able to say those words, because they hurt. Win-win, lose-lose situation.

“You cannot be serious.” Bobby had looked from Dean to Sam.

“He is,” Sam had smiled and squeezed Dean’s hand, and for a moment Bobby had covered his face with his hands, desperation taking him over. “And I’ve made my mind,” Sam had announced.

The two men had stopped everything and stared at her, both hearts drumming with anxiety.

So now they were driving until Sam told them it was good enough to stop. That happened well into the afternoon, when the sun was setting in the horizon and they were driving past a deserted, naturally beautiful area.

“Here’s good enough,” Sam said, staring at the blanket of grass that covered the place.

Dean parked the Impala and Sam got out, carrying a small bag in one arm and the girdle in the other hand.

“You coming?” Dean asked Bobby, who was sat in the backseat.

“Nah. I think you two need this moment,” Bobby said.

Dean nodded. He felt the burning, stinging sensation in the back of his eyes that told him tonight would be tough. But he managed to swallow it all down and turn around, following Sam to a clearing.

“Are you ready?” Dean asked, his voice soft with kindness and patience.

“Almost,” Sam replied.

She then chose a spot and stood still for a moment. Then, little by little she began to undress. Dean didn’t make any jokes or silly wisecracks. He just stood there and watched as Sam removed her last piece of female clothing and laid them around her bare feet. And then he watched, still silent and attentive, as Sam pulled some of her old clothes from the bag she carried.

Dean observed from a small distance while Sam put on underwear, jeans and a loose flannel shirt. The clothes he was wearing the day they had first met Aphrodite.

“Are you sure it’s gonna work? You just put the girdle and she’ll show up?”

Sam nodded. “Aphrodite and I are connected because she put so much of her energy into me. She’ll come,” Sam reassured him. And then, with tears brimming in her eyes, tears that shimmered under the light of the full moon, Sam put the girdle on top of her head.

The moment she did so Dean’s lips parted. He wasn’t sure whether he was still seeing Sam or some angel from heaven. She looked adorable, perfect, so beautiful…

But before he could give it too much thought there was a cloud of faint blue smoke and Aphrodite was there, just like Sam had predicted.

“Sam?” The goddess smiled. “Have you changed your mind?”

“Yes,” Sam needed to be strong. “I’m here to give you the girdle, but please change me back into who I was.”

“Are you sure?” Aphrodite looked deeply into her eyes and Dean’s. “Because I can feel all the love between you two. Are you really going to give up on it?”

Dean didn’t want to interfere. He forced himself to stay silent as Sam spoke to the goddess.

“I’m sure. It was good for a while. But I must go back to being me.”

Aphrodite arched her eyebrows.

“Well then. I need my girdle back, otherwise I’m not strong enough.”

Sam nodded slowly. She took the girdle off her head and handed it to Aphrodite. The goddess’s eyes lit up and she put it in her head like it was a crown. The moment she did so there was wind all over them, and there was light too, blinding light, and when they opened their eyes to look again the old, cranky lady from before was gone, and in her place stood the most beautiful woman mortal eyes had ever seen.

“Ah!” Aphrodite exclaimed. “That feels so much better!” She smiled.

“You are…” Sam stuttered.

“Gorgeous?” Aphrodite grinned.

Sam and Dean nodded, dumbfounded.

“Please…” Sam snapped out of it. “Change me back.”

Aphrodite smiled sadly. “It’s a shame, Sam. You make a very beautiful girl. And I’m sure Dean agrees, but… It’s your choice, like I said before. Here,” She made a movement and out of thin air there was a glass in her hand, with a white, shiny liquid inside. “Drink this and you’ll fill these large clothes of yours,” Aphrodite laughed and handed Sam the glass. “It was good doing business with you. Sorry for the mess. But love can be extremely confusing. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be half as fun,” she finished with a sly smile and disappeared.

“Sam…” Dean walked closer to her when they were alone.

Sam held the glass to her lips. They were quivering and her hand was shaky.

“Sam?”

“I can’t do it!” Sam burst, sobs raking her body and tears tightening her throat.

Dean cupped her face gently. “You can, Sam. I know you can.”

“What about us? What about this?”

Dean couldn’t cry. He ordered his tears not to fall, because Sam desperately needed him to be strong right now. “What about us?” He smiled softly. “Sam, there will always be us. You have always been the most important thing in my life, and you will always be,” Dean opened his heart. “Now, I may not say that a lot to my brother because, heck, we’re both dudes…” he grinned, and Sam smiled too.

“I’m scared of how it’s gonna change us.”

“We can do it, Sam. We’ll find a way.”

“If I drink this, you will no longer love me the way you do now,” Sam confessed her fear with a sad smile on her face.

“Sammy… I will never love anyone the way I love you now. I have never loved anyone as I have loved you since you were first put in my arms. Nothing is gonna change that.”

Sam smiled softly. There were still tears in her eyes, but she smiled. Then, she took the glass to her lips and drank it all at once, without hesitation, without room for doubts and fear. When she was done she let the glass fall and crushed their mouths together. They kissed under the moon light, pressed tightly together, like they were the only breathing creatures in the night.

Dean raked his fingers through Sam’s hair, and though his eyes were still closed, the hair was shorter, much shorter, and Dean’s heart skipped a beat. The mouth pressed to his was from someone taller, and when he let his fingers brush against Sam’s face he didn’t feel softness anymore.

They opened their eyes slowly, at the same time.

“Sam,” Dean didn’t know how much he had missed his brother until Sam was there in front of him, in all his manly glory, a few inches taller, broad shoulders, calloused fingers. “Welcome back,” Dean grabbed at his hair and pressed their foreheads together.

“Thanks,” Sam nodded, and for a long time they stood there, in silence, clutching each other and being thankful for the moment.

~ *  ~

“How do you feel?” Dean asked a few minutes later, when they started making their way back to the car.

“Funny,” Sam confessed. “My head is dizzy and I think I feel sick to my stomach. But other than that I’m fine.”

Dean nodded, an honest smile on his face. At the same time his heart was broken, the joy of seeing Sam back was enough to lift his spirits.

“I think it’ll take some time getting used to it again,” Dean offered.

“Yeah. I mean, I still think you’re sort of handsome, so I suppose I have to wait a few more days.”

Dean looked into his eyes, not sure of what to say. But then Sam started laughing and the sound was like music to his ears, and Dean laughed too.

“C’mon, Bobby is gonna love to see you.”

And he did. The older man hugged Sam and touched him many times until he was sure it had really worked and his boy was really back.

“Sam! It’s so good to see you, idjit!”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it.”

“Are you, a hundred percent back? Have you checked?”

Sam widened his eyes and looked at the two men in front of him. His hand immediately went to his pants and he cupped himself through his jeans. “Yep,” he laughed. “A hundred percent me.”

“Dude…” Dean shook his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t have lesbian sex.”

Sam laughed. “Seriously?”

“Yeah! Like, you had this one chance and you blew it,” Dean said. “You should’ve totally had lesbian sex.”

The three of them laughed and got back into the car. It was good to crack jokes and celebrate, it helped ease Sam back into normality, and for that he was glad.

~ *  ~

When Sam and Dean were finally alone at the next roadside motel, after having parted ways with Bobby, they sat on the same bed and stayed quiet for a while.

“So, how are you feeling?” Dean ventured. “For real?”

“I’m fine. Really. I suppose it will indeed be a while until things go completely back to what they used to.”

Dean nodded. “Right.”

“Dean…” Sam looked at his now large hands.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For what, man?”

“For making me do the right thing. For respecting my choice, but for making me do the right thing when my will wavered.”

Dean nodded slowly and gravely. “You would’ve done the same for me.”

“I would have,” Sam agreed. “I knew that this was the right thing but… For a moment there I didn’t feel like I could do it. So thanks for making me.”

“You’re welcome, Sam.”

“And… I just want to say that I still don’t regret what we did. And I owe it to the girl I was not to look back on it with judgment or regret. I will keep those memories in a special place,” Sam confessed. “And I need to say this now as I still feel a bit soft,” he grinned, but his eyes were intent.

Dean smiled and looked deeply into Sam’s eyes too.

“I will keep them in a special place too, Sam. I meant what I said before.”

They looked into each other’s eyes and for a moment allowed themselves to feel and not to think. Sam was still shaky inside, his feelings still a bit messy, but starting to clear by the hour. It was still easy, though, to look at Dean like he was that handsome man who stirred feelings in him, and for Dean it was easy to get lost into Sam’s eyes and see the girl staring back at him, right there, from inside those hazel eyes.

They leaned in closer because it seemed like something they had to do.

And then they kissed.

The two brothers, like the two boys they had been and the two men they were now.

They kissed tentatively and carefully, experimenting in that kiss everything they had had and everything that had changed. Even their tongues were allowed to touch and taste, and to decide for themselves who they were now.

They broke the kiss with a soft little wet noise and opened their eyes.

It felt good, it definitely did, but… Sam and Dean looked silently at each other, and it felt like they were both having the same thoughts. The magic was gone, and with it so was that burning desire, that hunger for more, that physical craving…

“I think we’re ready to move on,” Sam spoke for them. He smiled, a sad but truthful smile.

Dean smiled too, perhaps a bit relieved to hear that Sam felt the same.

“I think we are. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re still a good kisser, but…”

“I get it. It’s just not it, right?” Sam offered.

“Right.”

“But we just had to know.”

Dean nodded.

“Are you sad we won’t have that anymore?” He asked.

“A little, I guess. But I prefer to focus on the win win situation. Besides, I do love you too. You just won’t…fuck my brains out anymore.”

They looked at other intently for a tense moment before bursting into laughter.

“That’s what you think. One of these days I’ll get you drunk and then let’s see if you’ll resist me,” Dean provoked.

“Oh really? Because I think we’ve had our share of you being inside me. I might want to try the other way around now. You know, get even. Seems fair.”

Dean widened his eyes and blushed.

“Chill out. I’m just kidding you, fool,” Sam grinned and punched Dean’s shoulder playfully.

“Jesus, Sam. For a moment there you got me all worried.”

They laughed some more and hugged again, a brotherly, affectionate hug.

“We’ll be alright,” Dean said.

“Yes, we will,” Sam nodded. “But…hm, Dean?”

“Yes?”

“You mind if I sleep with you tonight? I think my feminine side is still here somewhere. I guess I’d like to try and make this transition smooth,” Sam confessed.

“My bed, your bed, for as long as it takes,” Dean smiled. “I think I will also benefit from a smooth transition,” Dean confessed too.

“Thanks.”

They spent the first of many nights to come like they had many nights before, drinking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company. And when they went to bed, they indeed shared the same bed, falling asleep within the warm closeness of each other.

It was just love and they would be alright, even if they had given up on a part of it; it was still love and it was all they needed.

They would learn how to draw new lines, and they might learn how to cross them safely. Only time would tell what would happen to their love. It was impossible to try and figure out everything they felt for each other in one night. Perhaps a lifetime together wouldn’t be enough.

Because love, as Aphrodite would probably say, didn’t make much sense.

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The End
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Or not! ;)  There’s an epilogue coming up, to show what happens to their relationship some time in the future. I realized that it was important, because whatever they said and however they think they feel... only time will tell. Eventually, I could see the story unfold a little more some time in the future, and I think you'll like that. =) So do come back ;)

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