(no subject)
Today was a horrible day of misery. On the way to Oriskany my dad lost control of his car and swerved to the other side of the road, spinning into a ditch and flipping the car completely over onto its roof. The roof crushed in about a foot and the car was totaled but somehow he managed to survive the crash for the sole reason of a seatbelt. He is sore of course but other than that everything appears to be okay. Lost a car today and almost a father...
Falling apart, it seems to go through cycles: once something slips away I feel that I have to bring myself down and tear everything away. It's self-destruction, I ruin myself. Like taking out the support beams, it destroys everything close and familiar in any hope of starting over again and moving on, to find happiness once again. Why pretend, and fool myself over and over again? I know it's not reachable now, not anymore. Running away from it all is the only hope for me now. The death. Those dying eyes. The emptiness. The cancer. The shattered dreams. The heartache. The destruction. I can't handle any of it anymore, is there any hope in saving myself? My mind is lost, and I don't know what I am anymore or why I belong to this world. I run and I hide from everything but when it comes down to it, I'm not all right inside and not what I pretend to be.
Falling apart, it seems to go through cycles: once something slips away I feel that I have to bring myself down and tear everything away. It's self-destruction, I ruin myself. Like taking out the support beams, it destroys everything close and familiar in any hope of starting over again and moving on, to find happiness once again. Why pretend, and fool myself over and over again? I know it's not reachable now, not anymore. Running away from it all is the only hope for me now. The death. Those dying eyes. The emptiness. The cancer. The shattered dreams. The heartache. The destruction. I can't handle any of it anymore, is there any hope in saving myself? My mind is lost, and I don't know what I am anymore or why I belong to this world. I run and I hide from everything but when it comes down to it, I'm not all right inside and not what I pretend to be.