meh
I'm pretty sure that my sub-conscious is having a laugh at my expense. Last night I dreamt about some pretty strange stuff. Firstly my Step-mum and one of my brothers came to visit me in Japan, and although I thought that we were in Japan it was definitely not anywhere that I had ever been, and there were a lot of foreigners and virtually no Japanese people, except for a few in the airport. Which, by the way, was some messed up cross between a ferry terminal and a massive gaming arcade. There was also a building a a parking garage which I have dreamt about before, but I don`t think that I have actually ever seen them before. Then for some reason I had a really vivid dream about a person who has been out of my life for a long time, and I thought that this person was also out of my thoughts, but I guess not. It can`t be healthy dreaming about people like this, because when I woke up I was unable to deal with the fact that it hadn`t happened so I stumbled to the shower, a little dazed by the whole experience. It took me until first class to shake the emotions stirred up by the dream.
This morning I have been a little dissatisfied with my life here in Japan, which I suspect has something to do with lingering unease from the dreaming.
I have found recently that I am being pulled in a lot of directions by a lot of emotions. I feel that I should be back in New Zealand finding a real job, or studying, or doing something productive. But then I feel like I should be here because I haven't saved enough money, or seen enough of Japan. Sometimes this job feels like a gravy-train to me, while other times it can feel like a whole that I really lack the motivation to climb out of. I can see that if I stay here for much longer than the four years I will become very disenchanted, and possibly very bitter towards this country.
This morning I have been a little dissatisfied with my life here in Japan, which I suspect has something to do with lingering unease from the dreaming.
I have found recently that I am being pulled in a lot of directions by a lot of emotions. I feel that I should be back in New Zealand finding a real job, or studying, or doing something productive. But then I feel like I should be here because I haven't saved enough money, or seen enough of Japan. Sometimes this job feels like a gravy-train to me, while other times it can feel like a whole that I really lack the motivation to climb out of. I can see that if I stay here for much longer than the four years I will become very disenchanted, and possibly very bitter towards this country.