(no subject)

[lukewarmmm]

I bought new socks and new underwear. I'm so excited by this thought it is kind of depressing. This must be what being an adult feels like. I feel it creeping in around me on all sides and I have to take a step back and remember to breathe or it will encase me in an early tomb. I'm proud of all that I have earned and all that I am planning on earning, but life's hard and slow and making me anxious. I want a place to myself, beautiful and decorated, with the boy that I love in a city that suits me in a country that's kind. I want a job that I love doing and a view that I love seeing out of my window everyday. I want a PhD, because education has always mattered to me. I want to be respected and I want to be adored by those in my field. I want to be the ocean, slamming into cliffs, breaking apart and reforming, slowly wearing away at the rocky wall. I want to sink underneath the water and not fight the urge to scream, but instead fight the urge to laugh. I want to spread my arms and catch the wind and draw it into me. I want to have a beautiful wedding. I want my parents to never die. I want my world to become immortal.

But, for now, I'll settle for these tacos. Chipotle is fucking delicious.