tired
So fucking tired today. I don't understand, I got 8 hours, and woke up not too late at 10:15. I took my vitamins, ate a substantial breakfast and lunch and have drank 2 cups of strong coffee but I can't shake this fatigue. I fell asleep a few times in class just now. I'd nap, but I have to go to work as soon as I get back to campus. Guess I'll just sleep at work. Did I sleep too much or just wake up at the wrong time in my sleep cycle? I don't know but it's so frustrating.
I was in the archives at Mount Holyoke's library and this douche nozzle annoying guy comes in and is being all loud and talkative and asks the students in there "Guess you don't see many guys here, huh?" and my back was to him, and I'm not sure if he thought I was a girl or what, but I froze, not wanting to deal with another embarassing gender spectacle in front of strangers. I was so scared that he might try to implicate me as a guy, in which case I'd flip out, convinced he'd eventually figure it out. I don't know what being a guy is like! How could I share his experience in being alien to these women? When will I feel entitled and not nervous about weirdo not-raised-as-a-guy-me into the grouping of "guys"? I guess you just learn it and eventually stop freaking out about whether or not you 'qualify' or if you're gonna say the wrong thing and get 'busted'. I don't carry a "born and socialized male" card, thus I feel anxious about upholding those assumptions.
I was in the archives at Mount Holyoke's library and this douche nozzle annoying guy comes in and is being all loud and talkative and asks the students in there "Guess you don't see many guys here, huh?" and my back was to him, and I'm not sure if he thought I was a girl or what, but I froze, not wanting to deal with another embarassing gender spectacle in front of strangers. I was so scared that he might try to implicate me as a guy, in which case I'd flip out, convinced he'd eventually figure it out. I don't know what being a guy is like! How could I share his experience in being alien to these women? When will I feel entitled and not nervous about weirdo not-raised-as-a-guy-me into the grouping of "guys"? I guess you just learn it and eventually stop freaking out about whether or not you 'qualify' or if you're gonna say the wrong thing and get 'busted'. I don't carry a "born and socialized male" card, thus I feel anxious about upholding those assumptions.