just a thought

[lukeboi]

As transition becomes more and more a reality...not as in something that is impending, but something that I am beginning to consider the realities of, the daily ins and outs of changing sexes in the world, I have been thinking about passing 100

Comments

[femme_fan]

Hey, great post.

For me, I was totally open to people knowing I was trans before I began. I was ridiculously self righteous that I would ALWAYS feel that way.
Looking back on it now, from this new vantage point, I realize that feeling that way wasn't something I embraced because it felt like the best thing for me and for my future, it was more like I accepted it because I felt basically resigned to it.

I don't think in my heart or my head I believed that there was anyway people would ever not know.

I was completely passing 3 months into T, and that was the most shocking part of transition for me. It still catches me totally off gaurd at almost a year and a half. But as soon as I started to pass, I realized I never wanted to stop passing, and disclosure of my trans status was no longer something I wanted. However adamant I had been about it earlier.

Totally not telling you that all guys feel this or experience, (obviously) or that you would if you started physical transition. Everyone is totally different. Just saying what happened to me, hope no offence taken.

xo Will

[lukeboi]

This might be a dumb and obvious question; I know its one that varies enormously person to person, but I think its linked to my surprise about guys' sudden and immediate desires to never disclose:

It seems a lot of guys, even those who were unsure if transitioning was for them (whose experiences are frequently the most relevant to mine) get addicted to passing. What is it that makes you "never want to stop passing"? I mean, I guess it could be glaringly obvious...but what is it about being treated like a guy that is so good that guys who aren't even sure they want to be guys for life can't seem to get enough of it? Maybe I'll never know unless I take that leap.

[femme_fan]

I don't know. I don't think its really an "addiction" and it isn't something that I go to unhealthy lenghts to avoid (disclosure, I mean.) I think that really, anyone who has gotten through something difficult to the point of nearly unbearable would choose to not experience that again, if at all possible.

Having lived the first half of my life completely poor, now having a much better income and enjoying the stability that brings, personally I would never voluntarily return to poverty. It was difficult and I hated it, and while I realize that it may happen in the future that I am poor again, I would not willingly choose that for myself.

Likewise, for me being read as female was always extremely painful and awkward. Now that it doesn't happen, the quality of my life is greatly improved, simply because I no longer have to deal on a daily basis with something I hated. I think that anyone, with anything difficult or challenging that they wished they didn't have to deal with, would feel happy when that thing is suddenly absent from their life.

And just like I may have to deal with poverty someday again (but hope not) I also will have to deal with disclosure at certain times. LIke with my kids someday, doctors, people who knew me in the past, etc etc. Its just, now disclosure is something more on my terms, rather than something I am forced to live with in every situation every day. And that is something I don't want to give up.

Hope this makes sense.
xo Will