Insomni-ish

[luke_xl8]

So, i'm in another mood, though slightly dissimilar from last time, where I just don't want to go to bed. I have nothing keeping me up, I have no reason to stay awake, and I really don't know why I am still here, but still I remain

Comments

[preciousbayne]

Hey, welcome to my world! It takes a lot of discipline to not get neck deep. I have a friend, a guy I used to work with that is six years younger than me. He has about as much discipline as I did at that age, although he is one step ahead of where I was then and does actually know what's wrong with him. He doesn't get anything done. Day after day he traps himself in these vegetative depressive states, lingering on the edges of the suicide that will eventually get me, but wallows in it, refusing to do anything to help himself.

In the hospitals they will give you a sing-song litany of what will help; diet and sleeping habits and exercise, things to avoid. Things to be careful of. There's a lot you can do to help yourself. But it can be really hard.

This creeping sadness eventually manifests itself physically, becomes odd aches that give you a reason to be motionless, becomes a great weight that presses you, pushing you down into the ground, onto your bed and you can't hardly move, much less get anything done.

IF you're like me, with major depressive disorder, it will be like that indefinitely. Maybe two weeks, maybe six. Once you're there it's very difficult to claw your way out. Once you're being pushed down you can't eat, you can't sleep or maybe you sleep all the time. Existing becomes a chore.

We got like eight inches of snow over the weekend, and there's more today. I should consider leaving this state.