Dinner with a Perfect Stranger
This was a good book. It was something of a fictional event wrapping for a fairly basic set of arguments for the Christian faith, but it was well-written enough that I didn't anticipate some of it until I had already read it. Or something like that. Looking back, I see how the package was wrapped up and tied together with a fairly good storyline. But even so.
Regardless, it still re-stated some things that I have been failing to really believe lately, among which are the love and forgiveness and relationship of God defeating, or rather balancing, His judgement and laws. It began by approaching most other major worldviews and using basic logic and their own beliefs to show the holes in their systems, then proceeded to build the case and gospel of Christ step by step. Pretty effectively.
I think what I was really supposed to read, though, eventually got drowned out in all the other things, especially as I grew to see the book through this light...of being an overstated evangelism of sorts. But early on, and towards the beginning of the middle, I remember something striking me.
All things considered, it was probably the same thing that I've been recognizing the need to learn for a while now. The need to internalize. That God doesn't see my sin anymore. That God doesn't punish me for it. While there may be consequences, and while I may be slowing down progress towards something He wants to accomplish, He won't leave me even in the midst of my sin.
I have trouble buying this, because it goes against His justice. And at the same time, I have trouble reasoning against it because so much of the Bible refers to this.
"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Loving us beyond and through and in our sin, He still sacrificed Himself for us.
The more I think of Jesus as God, the less His sacrifice means to me, though. Because in the grand scheme of time, Jesus' life was fairly brief. And while the implications of the action stretch to both ends of time, it was still an action performed at a singular juncture in human history.
I don't know if I'm missing something here. But I remember talking to Mike about Jesus, and about how he dislikes the focus the modern church has on Jesus as human, when He was entirely God as well. And it trips me up, smart as I am, because it seems like a band-aid removal in the scope of God...only mildly painful, and incredibly brief. Even in the scope of a human lifetime, Jesus' suffering on the cross was probably not all that long-lasting.
I don't mean to tear down what Jesus did. I also am beginning to question why we praise Him so forcibly for doing it, when it is what He was created to do, and furthermore, it is in some ways what He could not help but do. Did He have a choice? That's inherent in both God and humanity. So yes. And just as God would do, He stuck to the choice He had made eons ago, before the world was created. He knew the "sacrifice" would be necessary before He spoke light into existence. That's the nature of omniscience, of being outside time. (strictly speaking, omniscience would know, not only everything that will happen, but every result of every possible choice, as well as knowing which course would actually result)
And in the end, if God has promised to be unchanging, in His love and justice, could Jesus, an extension of God in human form, do anything BUT go to the cross? Just as I would ask if He could have done anything BUT be the man He was. Which also leads me to question the temptations in the desert, and whether there was really any strength or weight behind them to begin with. And if not, why they were attempted. And if there WAS weight behind them, how sovereign and powerful God really is, to even suffer temptation at the hands of the Devil.
Then I look back through stories of Genesis and Exodus, where God occassionally seems to change His mind on things. The flood was God wiping out man and saving a single family. Abraham was God's next step into restoring creation. Abraham's reasoning with God for Sodom and Gomorrah (sp?). Does God's mind ever change on anything? And if it does, what does that say about God?
It's odd to me...how, for a while, in not only my life but in the lives of others...how getting closer to God and getting further away sometimes look exactly the same. I think that it's entirely possible that I'm getting closer to God by reasoning through these things, by challenging these beliefs and ideals that I've held for a decade now...or at least, for years. About Jesus' sacrifice being ultimate. Yes, it was a significant action. But in the scope of eternity, and of God's strength and such, was it really all that much? To turn His back on sin once and for all is probably something he ached to do for millenia before. It may have been a painful moment, but God is far-sighted enough to see through the pain. Even Jesus did, but for that one moment when the sin of the world was on Him.
As is the belief we must take, unless we were to believe that God really did abandon Jesus on His own merit, which makes no sense given the life we see. And the scriptures, both before and after, surrounding His life. Prophecy and gospel alike tell of His perfection on earth.
I have wondered a few times...I have seen the results of the person God created my friends to be, the negative consequences of that due to the broken world. Mysteetsym's sensitivity, and the brokenness and hurt that are almost constant in her heart because of that. God put that in her, or so I tend to believe, since there is a fundamental part of it that is good (and all good comes from Him...or so I am trying to believe, despite my efforts to create good independent of Him to earn His favor). That fosters deep, meaningful relationships.
Mike's strength and charisma, and how they become a burden to him when people rely too heavily on him and not enough on God.
Kathleen's vision of people, and how it breaks her heart because she sees them behaving out of something that isn't as good as what she sees.
Danielle's servant heart, and how it has led her into the arms of men who first embrace, then abuse, her...leading her to have a completely trashed view of her worth.
and me...what of me? My intelligence, and how it leads me down paths of twisted logic that end up at incorrect conclusions for what seem like correct reasons? My affectionate nature, and how it became lust so early in my life, and has persisted, and eventually pervaded all relationships since? My contentment with being a bit of a wanderer, and how it has left me now, almost 23, with no solid direction or career but for some distant concept of full-time ministry?
Possibly all three, and many others besides.
I doubt such ruminations will really serve me any further than they have so far...which isn't much in itself. So I guess for now I'm done.
But these things are on my mind now and then. And as isolated as I feel these past few days, at least there's some medium by which I can pour them out.
Regardless, it still re-stated some things that I have been failing to really believe lately, among which are the love and forgiveness and relationship of God defeating, or rather balancing, His judgement and laws. It began by approaching most other major worldviews and using basic logic and their own beliefs to show the holes in their systems, then proceeded to build the case and gospel of Christ step by step. Pretty effectively.
I think what I was really supposed to read, though, eventually got drowned out in all the other things, especially as I grew to see the book through this light...of being an overstated evangelism of sorts. But early on, and towards the beginning of the middle, I remember something striking me.
All things considered, it was probably the same thing that I've been recognizing the need to learn for a while now. The need to internalize. That God doesn't see my sin anymore. That God doesn't punish me for it. While there may be consequences, and while I may be slowing down progress towards something He wants to accomplish, He won't leave me even in the midst of my sin.
I have trouble buying this, because it goes against His justice. And at the same time, I have trouble reasoning against it because so much of the Bible refers to this.
"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Loving us beyond and through and in our sin, He still sacrificed Himself for us.
The more I think of Jesus as God, the less His sacrifice means to me, though. Because in the grand scheme of time, Jesus' life was fairly brief. And while the implications of the action stretch to both ends of time, it was still an action performed at a singular juncture in human history.
I don't know if I'm missing something here. But I remember talking to Mike about Jesus, and about how he dislikes the focus the modern church has on Jesus as human, when He was entirely God as well. And it trips me up, smart as I am, because it seems like a band-aid removal in the scope of God...only mildly painful, and incredibly brief. Even in the scope of a human lifetime, Jesus' suffering on the cross was probably not all that long-lasting.
I don't mean to tear down what Jesus did. I also am beginning to question why we praise Him so forcibly for doing it, when it is what He was created to do, and furthermore, it is in some ways what He could not help but do. Did He have a choice? That's inherent in both God and humanity. So yes. And just as God would do, He stuck to the choice He had made eons ago, before the world was created. He knew the "sacrifice" would be necessary before He spoke light into existence. That's the nature of omniscience, of being outside time. (strictly speaking, omniscience would know, not only everything that will happen, but every result of every possible choice, as well as knowing which course would actually result)
And in the end, if God has promised to be unchanging, in His love and justice, could Jesus, an extension of God in human form, do anything BUT go to the cross? Just as I would ask if He could have done anything BUT be the man He was. Which also leads me to question the temptations in the desert, and whether there was really any strength or weight behind them to begin with. And if not, why they were attempted. And if there WAS weight behind them, how sovereign and powerful God really is, to even suffer temptation at the hands of the Devil.
Then I look back through stories of Genesis and Exodus, where God occassionally seems to change His mind on things. The flood was God wiping out man and saving a single family. Abraham was God's next step into restoring creation. Abraham's reasoning with God for Sodom and Gomorrah (sp?). Does God's mind ever change on anything? And if it does, what does that say about God?
It's odd to me...how, for a while, in not only my life but in the lives of others...how getting closer to God and getting further away sometimes look exactly the same. I think that it's entirely possible that I'm getting closer to God by reasoning through these things, by challenging these beliefs and ideals that I've held for a decade now...or at least, for years. About Jesus' sacrifice being ultimate. Yes, it was a significant action. But in the scope of eternity, and of God's strength and such, was it really all that much? To turn His back on sin once and for all is probably something he ached to do for millenia before. It may have been a painful moment, but God is far-sighted enough to see through the pain. Even Jesus did, but for that one moment when the sin of the world was on Him.
As is the belief we must take, unless we were to believe that God really did abandon Jesus on His own merit, which makes no sense given the life we see. And the scriptures, both before and after, surrounding His life. Prophecy and gospel alike tell of His perfection on earth.
I have wondered a few times...I have seen the results of the person God created my friends to be, the negative consequences of that due to the broken world. Mysteetsym's sensitivity, and the brokenness and hurt that are almost constant in her heart because of that. God put that in her, or so I tend to believe, since there is a fundamental part of it that is good (and all good comes from Him...or so I am trying to believe, despite my efforts to create good independent of Him to earn His favor). That fosters deep, meaningful relationships.
Mike's strength and charisma, and how they become a burden to him when people rely too heavily on him and not enough on God.
Kathleen's vision of people, and how it breaks her heart because she sees them behaving out of something that isn't as good as what she sees.
Danielle's servant heart, and how it has led her into the arms of men who first embrace, then abuse, her...leading her to have a completely trashed view of her worth.
and me...what of me? My intelligence, and how it leads me down paths of twisted logic that end up at incorrect conclusions for what seem like correct reasons? My affectionate nature, and how it became lust so early in my life, and has persisted, and eventually pervaded all relationships since? My contentment with being a bit of a wanderer, and how it has left me now, almost 23, with no solid direction or career but for some distant concept of full-time ministry?
Possibly all three, and many others besides.
I doubt such ruminations will really serve me any further than they have so far...which isn't much in itself. So I guess for now I'm done.
But these things are on my mind now and then. And as isolated as I feel these past few days, at least there's some medium by which I can pour them out.