SOUNDTRACK 022 // WRITTEN

[lukanightfever]

[Something isn't exactly right when a creature made to sing makes a written message, fortunately it's not that there's anything wrong with her voice. She simply finds this easier. The fact that it's done in the middle of the night may serve as an explanation as she doesn't wish to wake anyone up

Comments

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[It's late at night, and tonight Adell finds himself having a very hard time sleeping. Normally he doesn't get like this, but a lot of things have weighed down on him over the months. He hasn't been sleeping quite as well as he used to be, not since most of the house emptied out. It's never been a problem in keeping himself going, but he has gotten a little more restless sometimes.

So after tossing and turning for awhile, Adell gets out of bed and sits down at his desk looking through his journal. He figured there wouldn't be much here and he might just spend some time playing on the handheld system Luka had given to him.

But... no. There was a meticulously written entry that caught his eye... by none other than Luka herself. And this confirmed... much of what he already knew, but browsing the responses to try to understand better how she felt made a pit deepen in his stomach.

"Sometimes I just wish I could go back and forget all this, even if I lose the good things, the bad things will go as well."

...Adell couldn't let this slide. He's been trying so hard to get through to her and he's just been failing over and over again. But this... no. He found himself suppressing so much as he read those words. Not rage, but pain. Someone he... he loved, feeling like this. No. He couldn't let this go.

So wordlessly, Adell treaded out of his room, still in his pajamas, going to find Luka in the house... presumably in one of the empty rooms upstairs. When he gets there, he gently, and quietly raps two fingers on the door.]

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

[The noise surprises her, she was convinced that Adell and Charle were asleep and... There's really no one else in the house right now. Belatedly she realizes that she didn't filter the entry but maybe it's unrelated to it, besides it would have felt wrong. She didn't want to talk about it, that's why she chose to write it, it was easier that way.

It takes a while for her to move from the bed where she was sitting and approach the door. Long enough for someone to think that she's not there or that she's asleep. She won't open right away though, just lean against the door and try to listen to the other side. Until she realizes that since it's her, not opening and feigning being asleep wouldn't be believable.

And thus she opens the door, slowly, peering at the outside to see who it is...]

Master Adell?

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[...He knows she doesn't want to talk about it. Not openly. Maybe not with him. Her hesitance to answer the door confirms this. ...But he has to do something.

So he'll keep as calm as he can.]

Hey, Luka. ...Would you mind if I came in for a little bit?

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

... Shouldn't those visits be done to Charle?

[The tone is the usual tsun, trying to act natural in case he hasn't seen the entry. Or trying to distract him in case he has. Still she opens the door and lets him in.]

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[He walks in, but keeps his voice down. By now he knows that's also a defense mechanism. Somewhat. Other times she's just tsun to him anyway.]

...It's not like that.

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

[She gives him a look, it's a flashing one before she puts on a casual expression again.]

So you say now. What is it like then?

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[...How does he start this off? He's tried and tried to convince her that she might have a purpose beyond what she sets for herself. But he can't do that again. Not now. It hasn't done him any good.

The words catch in his throat at first as he scratches his mane of red hair. But after a moment, he speaks.]

I... saw what you wrote. ...I wanted to apologize to you.

[...Argh. Where does he go from here?]

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

... Apologize for what.

[And now she's emotionless in tone and expression. She should be the one apologizing, she knows what she wrote, she knows there were no filters. She doesn't know how far he saw, maybe he just saw the entry itself and nothing more so she doesn't give away anything for now.]

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[...Her seizing up like that makes the words get caught in his throat again. Though he eventually manages to start out.]

For not being able to help you through all of this. ...I know this has been bothering you, on your mind so much. And...

[His voice grows a little more strained as he keeps speaking.]

Well. I know I haven't been very understanding sometimes. I've been bad at trying to understand just how different you are. And I've probably hurt you so much.

...I'm sorry.

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

[This isn't telling her how much he read. She knows she has mentioned how sometimes it feels as if her friends can't understand her, and neither can she understand them. But that conclusion can be acquired from her entry as well, or so she thinks.]

There's no need for you to apologize. I apologize for not being able to understand you either.

[If that's all they can now go each their own way again or something.]

[Action 1/2]

[vulcanblazer]

[The straight, unemotional robotic tone really doesn't make that feel sincere.]

...Luka. [That came out flatter than he intended. But he pauses, then sighs.] I need you to be honest with me.

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[...Adell hesitates again. For one of the first times, he actually appears abashed, almost afraid of the answer. He can handle it, he wouldn't be asking if he couldn't. But he's going to just dive into the core of it.

But even though he has the strength to spit it out, his voice comes out quiet, worried... almost hurt.]

I-is what you said to Robert true? ...That you want to go back and forget...?

[Action] 1/2

[lukanightfever]

[... He had read it. Not just the entry but the conversations as well. Part of her almost instantly wants to complain about that, say that even if it's public it's not nice to spy other conversations, specially when they are written and thus one can't claim that they "listened by accident".

But it's an illogic and stupid reaction, if she didn't want to be spied she should have filtered it.

But why does she have to hide like a criminal from the person who's basically her only family here?

Though, if she had wanted to talk to him about it she would have done so, he should know. She didn't want to discuss those things with him. Why couldn't he accept that right? Or doesn't she have it?

He asks her to be honest, as if claiming that she's not honest with him. Does he think that? Just because there are some things she won't tell him but she will tell others, he assumes she's not honest? He even doubts she would be honest with others, asking if what she said was true. As if she's someone who would joke or lie about those things.

Of course it's true. She wants to go back home where she really belongs, where things are as they are supposed to be, where she is a singing android that sings. Hired by one master after another until she can't bother to recognize them, but it's not as if that matters as long as she does her job. Where no one will expect her to be something she's not. Where she won't be asked to feel, where she won't be forced to love and act on those feelings.

Of course it's not true. Adell is the only master she wants, he's more than a master, he's family. She doesn't want to leave Charle, she wants to know her more and more. She wants to go visit the item store to see Usopp. She wants winter to come again to make snowmen with Vash. She wants to talk with Haruhi, and with Winry, and with Nami and with Raven. She wants to perform at the plaza spontaneously, she wants to sing with Brook. She wants to be there if KAITO or Gakupo ever return, or Adell's mom, or Patchouli, or anyone.]

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

[She's not sure how long it takes her to answer, maybe it wasn't more than a second, but she feels as if it has been a long while of silence as she looked down at the floor, refusing to look up at him.]

It's true. And it's not true.

[Action]

[vulcanblazer]

[It has been a little while... but Adell looks over to her. And he knows this is going to sound selfish and self-serving and not really help her. But he wants to say it. ...Though his voice still comes out quiet, strained.]

Luka... I... don't want you to leave. I don't want you to forget...

[Action]

[lukanightfever]

Of course you don't.

[She knows he doesn't want it, she's sure no one she knows wants it. But that's not going to change her mind, mainly because she still doesn't know what she wants. At the very least it's not going to make her stop wanting it at times.

Times like now.]