Step: Chapter 4
Step: Chapter 4
chi-eng translated, 1970 words, luhan centric, all members involved, various pairings
"With each step, 15 years of your lives will deplete"
Kris feels as though his senses have gotten used to the environment of the hospital. Upon discharge, everything seems too quiet.
The effort people have been making to avoid mentioning that name is obvious, including Tao. Other than the two policemen who came to the hospital for a basic inquiry, all other important topics involving that person has been avoided by them.
Jongdae tidies up both rooms on the second floor thoroughly. Every single trace of that person ends up being hidden; as if he seems to have evaporated into mid air, or better yet, never even existed.
Although with every encounter of the memories, he exists everywhere and anywhere.
It's three in the morning. Luhan lies in bed with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.
"You're awake, right?" He asks.
Kris doesn't answer, his eyes fixated on the ceiling.
Luhan hesitates before opening his mouth, "who took us to the cabin that day?"
Silence fills the air for a while, "people expecting us to rise to fame, yet fearing the loss of control over us.” Kris laughs vaguely.
Luhan blinks his eyes calmly in the darkness, "you mean....the company."
"I don't know." Kris says as he closes his eyes, "I've already told the police everything I remember," he looks forward at the invisible air, "the things I don't remember won't matter now anyways." In the darkness, he turns to his face the wall.
"That wasn't your fault." Says Luhan.
"If you were the one awake, things wouldn't have gotten to that point." Kris chuckles.
"If I were in that position, I can't think of anything I could have done differently. " Luhan says.
"Then let me tell you what could've been done differently," there was a glint in Kris’ eyes in the darkness, "you can't unlock his phone, so you couldn't have called anyone."
Luhan maintains his silence.
"I bought the phone for him; I was the one who had set the passcode." Kris stifles a laugh.
"Stop talking." Luhan looks away from him.
"If I couldn't unlock his phone, then I couldn't have called him, but I could, and I fucking called and sent him the damn address....." He laughs even harder.
"Does it make you feel better saying that?" Luhan looks to one side,"why aren’t you blaming me instead for grabbing the wrong phone?"
"Why does it matter to you how I feel?" Kris says.
"Not only did I grab the wrong phone, I had no fucking alcohol tolerance either. People like me..."
"Then why aren't you dead yet?!" Luhan is interrupted by Kris’ loud roar. With the lights turned on, Kris looks into Luhan’s bloodshot eyes.
Luhan stares at the ground, slightly respiting under the light.
“Want to cuss me out? Don’t hold it back.” Kris cocks his head.
Luhan looks up and nudges the lamp, he’s tempted to turn off the lights, “are you feeling sorry for me? Are you addicted to my kiss?” Kris’ vice penetrates his eardrums.
Luhan closes his eyes, “ You’re asking to get beaten up.”
Kris turns around and laughs, shaking his head, “That’s right, we both deserve it.”
“So what?” Luhan says.
Kris walks towards Luhan and picks him up by the collar, and punches him in right in the face.
Luhan slowly turns his crooked head to look at Kris.
“Come on! Aren’t you angry?” Kris shoots him a smile and pulls Luhan toward him. Luhan stands up abruptly and smashes him against the wall, throwing a punch onto his cheek, causing the books on the shelves to topple.
The boy on the opposite side doesn’t defend himself, allowing the blood to ooze through the sides of his mouth.
“Want to keep going?!” Luhan looks at him, “just say so and I’ll keep playing with you!”
Kris props himself against the wall, and keeps silent.
“Do you think you’ll bring him back from the dead?!” Luhan screams at him, footsteps are heard coming through from next door and downstairs. Luhan gasps for air and looks at the depraved man leaning against the wall
Jongdae opens the door, followed by Tao. Tao hands Kris some tissues and looks the bruises around Luhan’s eye under the light, “you guys are sleeping separately tonight.” Tao says as he carries Kris’ comforter downstairs and throws Xiumin’s onto Kris’s bed.
Kris stares remains fixated on Luhan; Luhan stares back.
Tao doesn’t say anything and quietly waits for Kris at the side.
The room downstairs is filled with warmth. Kris walks to the bathroom, and turns on the faucet to wash the blood off of his face.
“What exactly happened between the three of you that day?” Tao looks at him by the bathroom door, “that night, I had to go pick up someone at the airport. Jongdae twisted his ankle and went home. Suho and the rest went to Karaoke, and when I left Yixing and Jongin were in their rooms. The traffic was terrible when Chanyeol came back. It was already 11:30 when the Karaoke gang came back. Jongin and Yixing were out; there wasn’t even a light on in both dorms.”
Kris puts his hand under the faucet and remains speechless.
“Chanyeol says Luhan was drunk, and he gave you enough money for a taxi, where did you take Luhan?” Tao glances at his back.
He descends his head as water drips from the tips of his hair.
Tao pauses for a moment, and walks up to pat his shoulders, “nevermind, are you going to sleep?”
“You go ahead, I will in a minute.” Kris clears his hoarse throat.
Tao puts his hands in his pockets and slowly lowers his head, “if you want to cry, then cry. No need to pretend in front of me.” he says.
Kris flings the water off his hands, “I’m not pretending, I’ve already shed the tears.”
“I didn’t see it.” Tao looks at him.
Kris turns his head with weary, pats Tao on the shoulder, “Someone saw it.” he says as he walks out of the bathroom.
Kris walks outside to catch some fresh air and sees Luhan sitting on the stairs, holding what’s left of a cigarette.
He sits down next to him without speaking. Luhan looks at Kris' hand and takes a cigarette from his pocket and hands it over to him; lighting it with his own.
"Sorry." Kris says.
Luhan smiles slightly, "you're welcome."
Luhans eyelids droop, " I'm wondering if absolute coincidence exists in this world,"
Kris pauses for a bit,"it doesn't. You just can't see the things behind the coincidence." Luhan tilts his head and glances at Kris quietly.
"Who would give himself a name like Clown?" Luhan blinks.
Kris looks at him, "people who live beneath masks."
Luhan turns his head again and looks at kris, "what about us? Do we count?"
Kris laughs as he points toward the street, "look at all the people on the street, everyone has a mask on when they're with other people."
"What about when they're alone?" Luhan asks.
Kris doesn’t answer.
"Let's go take a walk by the river." Luhan stands up, and turns around holding the lit cigarette to look at Kris.
Kris looks up at Luhan and stands up from his seat.
The han river at dawn is pretty empty. A faint white light dawns upon the horizon; the river water creases over its wrinkles, dispersing into the distance.
The sporadic bell sounds ring. A few pigeons fly past, leaving silent marks.
“How long have we known each other?” Luhan looks forward.
Eyes fixed on the river water in confusion, Kris says, “I’m not sure, it’s been a long time now.”
Brushing the soot slightly with his fingers, Luhan sits himself on the ground watching as the river water flows, “both of us came in 2007, Yixing came in 2008, you knew him ever since he joined, I only knew you the both of you later.” Kris doesn’t say anything in reply.
“Back then when I first knew the both of you, you two weren’t the only ones who were Chinese.” Luhan recalls, “after that, some came and others left, leaving the both of you stuck like nails in that building.”
Kris watches the flow of water, “at times, casual decisions made without understanding yourself can leave huge impacts on the future.” He laughs.
“Moving forward without a leeway,” Luhan turns to Kris, “to be honest, it’s almost the same now.”
Kris lifts his heavy eyelids.
Where is the road ahead leading towards? Who knew, in 10 years time where he would be, or in what form and attitude would he be struggling in.
Or will he still remember the person named Zhang Yixing? Time calms everything, the most cruel issue isn’t death; it’s being forgotten.
Kris faces his front, “I’m afraid there will come a day that I’m completely cured.”
“You should be anticipating its arrival,” Luhan says, “no one wants to live in pain.”
“What you say is undoubtedly correct,” Kris turns to look at Luhan, “but neither will you be able to do it.”
Luhan observes the whitened river without speaking. Perhaps humans are more prone to avoiding danger than imagined and forgetting is nothing but a part a self-protection.
“We can pretend nothing happened.” Luhan says.
“We are indeed good at that,” Kris turns and chuckles, “we are already pretending nothing happened in the shed that night, aren’t we?” He no longer looks at Luhan.
Luhan maintains the silence, looking in the distance.
Interactions on the surface floods the everyday lives, evidently having penetrated into each other’s lives yet having wrapped one’s area for safety in a layer of protective film. In no relation to that day, Luhan just feels that at times he can be very bold but on others, he’s rather timid.
Living isn’t easy. Everyone works hard towards the end point: death. Walking along a designated route in a crowd; discarding the heavy luggage and accelerating underneath the legendary value system always lies a highly marked mirage in the distance; whipping its pedestrians, as though whipping livestock.
If there is only one destination in life, are people who head in other directions or lose their way temporarily from the impulsivity beyond considered stupid or smarter?
Time is relative. Luhan is suddenly reminded of Clown’s words, perhaps so is life.
Perhaps no one can rate you, no one except yourself.
“What is it that you would like to tell me?” Kris turns to Luhan.
“I have an antidote to regret which will allow us to return to the past,” he blinks, “however, this antidote is expensive. It’ll take away 15 years of our lives each respectively.”
On the other hand, Kris does not respond.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” Luhan laughs, throwing the last of his cigarette on the ground. “Actually, I think so too.” He looks as a ray of morning white light rises from the East.
“It’s a long story.” Luhan says looking in the distance, “I’ve never told anyone this.” He smiles and props himself off the ground, keeping his hands in his pockets and watching the river water flow silently.
“This time, I need a partner.” He turns and looks at Kris, “and you are the most suitable candidate, and perhaps the only candidate.”
Flocks of seagulls fly past the river, accompanying the silence with their noises. Kris’ eyes remain puzzled on Luhan.
Church bells bong from behind them. In that instant, someone has already lifted a heavy burden on his back. Someone has forever changed the already-written track of life. Just like every orbit in life, the coat he wears has an inevitable story written.
Everything is simple and fair like a trade in the life market. With the price tag varying from every person, nothing is reasonable or not; and only if it’s worthwhile.
Original fic
Translated by heecups and lusifan, proofread by wayve and pineapplepharts!
chi-eng translated, 1970 words, luhan centric, all members involved, various pairings
"With each step, 15 years of your lives will deplete"
Kris feels as though his senses have gotten used to the environment of the hospital. Upon discharge, everything seems too quiet.
The effort people have been making to avoid mentioning that name is obvious, including Tao. Other than the two policemen who came to the hospital for a basic inquiry, all other important topics involving that person has been avoided by them.
Jongdae tidies up both rooms on the second floor thoroughly. Every single trace of that person ends up being hidden; as if he seems to have evaporated into mid air, or better yet, never even existed.
Although with every encounter of the memories, he exists everywhere and anywhere.
It's three in the morning. Luhan lies in bed with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.
"You're awake, right?" He asks.
Kris doesn't answer, his eyes fixated on the ceiling.
Luhan hesitates before opening his mouth, "who took us to the cabin that day?"
Silence fills the air for a while, "people expecting us to rise to fame, yet fearing the loss of control over us.” Kris laughs vaguely.
Luhan blinks his eyes calmly in the darkness, "you mean....the company."
"I don't know." Kris says as he closes his eyes, "I've already told the police everything I remember," he looks forward at the invisible air, "the things I don't remember won't matter now anyways." In the darkness, he turns to his face the wall.
"That wasn't your fault." Says Luhan.
"If you were the one awake, things wouldn't have gotten to that point." Kris chuckles.
"If I were in that position, I can't think of anything I could have done differently. " Luhan says.
"Then let me tell you what could've been done differently," there was a glint in Kris’ eyes in the darkness, "you can't unlock his phone, so you couldn't have called anyone."
Luhan maintains his silence.
"I bought the phone for him; I was the one who had set the passcode." Kris stifles a laugh.
"Stop talking." Luhan looks away from him.
"If I couldn't unlock his phone, then I couldn't have called him, but I could, and I fucking called and sent him the damn address....." He laughs even harder.
"Does it make you feel better saying that?" Luhan looks to one side,"why aren’t you blaming me instead for grabbing the wrong phone?"
"Why does it matter to you how I feel?" Kris says.
"Not only did I grab the wrong phone, I had no fucking alcohol tolerance either. People like me..."
"Then why aren't you dead yet?!" Luhan is interrupted by Kris’ loud roar. With the lights turned on, Kris looks into Luhan’s bloodshot eyes.
Luhan stares at the ground, slightly respiting under the light.
“Want to cuss me out? Don’t hold it back.” Kris cocks his head.
Luhan looks up and nudges the lamp, he’s tempted to turn off the lights, “are you feeling sorry for me? Are you addicted to my kiss?” Kris’ vice penetrates his eardrums.
Luhan closes his eyes, “ You’re asking to get beaten up.”
Kris turns around and laughs, shaking his head, “That’s right, we both deserve it.”
“So what?” Luhan says.
Kris walks towards Luhan and picks him up by the collar, and punches him in right in the face.
Luhan slowly turns his crooked head to look at Kris.
“Come on! Aren’t you angry?” Kris shoots him a smile and pulls Luhan toward him. Luhan stands up abruptly and smashes him against the wall, throwing a punch onto his cheek, causing the books on the shelves to topple.
The boy on the opposite side doesn’t defend himself, allowing the blood to ooze through the sides of his mouth.
“Want to keep going?!” Luhan looks at him, “just say so and I’ll keep playing with you!”
Kris props himself against the wall, and keeps silent.
“Do you think you’ll bring him back from the dead?!” Luhan screams at him, footsteps are heard coming through from next door and downstairs. Luhan gasps for air and looks at the depraved man leaning against the wall
Jongdae opens the door, followed by Tao. Tao hands Kris some tissues and looks the bruises around Luhan’s eye under the light, “you guys are sleeping separately tonight.” Tao says as he carries Kris’ comforter downstairs and throws Xiumin’s onto Kris’s bed.
Kris stares remains fixated on Luhan; Luhan stares back.
Tao doesn’t say anything and quietly waits for Kris at the side.
The room downstairs is filled with warmth. Kris walks to the bathroom, and turns on the faucet to wash the blood off of his face.
“What exactly happened between the three of you that day?” Tao looks at him by the bathroom door, “that night, I had to go pick up someone at the airport. Jongdae twisted his ankle and went home. Suho and the rest went to Karaoke, and when I left Yixing and Jongin were in their rooms. The traffic was terrible when Chanyeol came back. It was already 11:30 when the Karaoke gang came back. Jongin and Yixing were out; there wasn’t even a light on in both dorms.”
Kris puts his hand under the faucet and remains speechless.
“Chanyeol says Luhan was drunk, and he gave you enough money for a taxi, where did you take Luhan?” Tao glances at his back.
He descends his head as water drips from the tips of his hair.
Tao pauses for a moment, and walks up to pat his shoulders, “nevermind, are you going to sleep?”
“You go ahead, I will in a minute.” Kris clears his hoarse throat.
Tao puts his hands in his pockets and slowly lowers his head, “if you want to cry, then cry. No need to pretend in front of me.” he says.
Kris flings the water off his hands, “I’m not pretending, I’ve already shed the tears.”
“I didn’t see it.” Tao looks at him.
Kris turns his head with weary, pats Tao on the shoulder, “Someone saw it.” he says as he walks out of the bathroom.
Kris walks outside to catch some fresh air and sees Luhan sitting on the stairs, holding what’s left of a cigarette.
He sits down next to him without speaking. Luhan looks at Kris' hand and takes a cigarette from his pocket and hands it over to him; lighting it with his own.
"Sorry." Kris says.
Luhan smiles slightly, "you're welcome."
Luhans eyelids droop, " I'm wondering if absolute coincidence exists in this world,"
Kris pauses for a bit,"it doesn't. You just can't see the things behind the coincidence." Luhan tilts his head and glances at Kris quietly.
"Who would give himself a name like Clown?" Luhan blinks.
Kris looks at him, "people who live beneath masks."
Luhan turns his head again and looks at kris, "what about us? Do we count?"
Kris laughs as he points toward the street, "look at all the people on the street, everyone has a mask on when they're with other people."
"What about when they're alone?" Luhan asks.
Kris doesn’t answer.
"Let's go take a walk by the river." Luhan stands up, and turns around holding the lit cigarette to look at Kris.
Kris looks up at Luhan and stands up from his seat.
The han river at dawn is pretty empty. A faint white light dawns upon the horizon; the river water creases over its wrinkles, dispersing into the distance.
The sporadic bell sounds ring. A few pigeons fly past, leaving silent marks.
“How long have we known each other?” Luhan looks forward.
Eyes fixed on the river water in confusion, Kris says, “I’m not sure, it’s been a long time now.”
Brushing the soot slightly with his fingers, Luhan sits himself on the ground watching as the river water flows, “both of us came in 2007, Yixing came in 2008, you knew him ever since he joined, I only knew you the both of you later.” Kris doesn’t say anything in reply.
“Back then when I first knew the both of you, you two weren’t the only ones who were Chinese.” Luhan recalls, “after that, some came and others left, leaving the both of you stuck like nails in that building.”
Kris watches the flow of water, “at times, casual decisions made without understanding yourself can leave huge impacts on the future.” He laughs.
“Moving forward without a leeway,” Luhan turns to Kris, “to be honest, it’s almost the same now.”
Kris lifts his heavy eyelids.
Where is the road ahead leading towards? Who knew, in 10 years time where he would be, or in what form and attitude would he be struggling in.
Or will he still remember the person named Zhang Yixing? Time calms everything, the most cruel issue isn’t death; it’s being forgotten.
Kris faces his front, “I’m afraid there will come a day that I’m completely cured.”
“You should be anticipating its arrival,” Luhan says, “no one wants to live in pain.”
“What you say is undoubtedly correct,” Kris turns to look at Luhan, “but neither will you be able to do it.”
Luhan observes the whitened river without speaking. Perhaps humans are more prone to avoiding danger than imagined and forgetting is nothing but a part a self-protection.
“We can pretend nothing happened.” Luhan says.
“We are indeed good at that,” Kris turns and chuckles, “we are already pretending nothing happened in the shed that night, aren’t we?” He no longer looks at Luhan.
Luhan maintains the silence, looking in the distance.
Interactions on the surface floods the everyday lives, evidently having penetrated into each other’s lives yet having wrapped one’s area for safety in a layer of protective film. In no relation to that day, Luhan just feels that at times he can be very bold but on others, he’s rather timid.
Living isn’t easy. Everyone works hard towards the end point: death. Walking along a designated route in a crowd; discarding the heavy luggage and accelerating underneath the legendary value system always lies a highly marked mirage in the distance; whipping its pedestrians, as though whipping livestock.
If there is only one destination in life, are people who head in other directions or lose their way temporarily from the impulsivity beyond considered stupid or smarter?
Time is relative. Luhan is suddenly reminded of Clown’s words, perhaps so is life.
Perhaps no one can rate you, no one except yourself.
“What is it that you would like to tell me?” Kris turns to Luhan.
“I have an antidote to regret which will allow us to return to the past,” he blinks, “however, this antidote is expensive. It’ll take away 15 years of our lives each respectively.”
On the other hand, Kris does not respond.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” Luhan laughs, throwing the last of his cigarette on the ground. “Actually, I think so too.” He looks as a ray of morning white light rises from the East.
“It’s a long story.” Luhan says looking in the distance, “I’ve never told anyone this.” He smiles and props himself off the ground, keeping his hands in his pockets and watching the river water flow silently.
“This time, I need a partner.” He turns and looks at Kris, “and you are the most suitable candidate, and perhaps the only candidate.”
Flocks of seagulls fly past the river, accompanying the silence with their noises. Kris’ eyes remain puzzled on Luhan.
Church bells bong from behind them. In that instant, someone has already lifted a heavy burden on his back. Someone has forever changed the already-written track of life. Just like every orbit in life, the coat he wears has an inevitable story written.
Everything is simple and fair like a trade in the life market. With the price tag varying from every person, nothing is reasonable or not; and only if it’s worthwhile.
Original fic
Translated by heecups and lusifan, proofread by wayve and pineapplepharts!