Tsubasa Jwebs - translations and thoughts!
So, pinkpapyrus already posted the translations on her lj, but I know there are some people on my flist who wanted to read Tsubasa's Jwebs from the past few days, and I also wanted to add some of my thoughts on the matter. So I'm stealing them from pinkpapyrus and give all the credit to her amazing friend who made these wonderful translations that made sense of his cryptic entries! ♥ (I hope it was okay for me to use these translations to make some sense of my thoughts on this matter! m(___)m If you do want credit by name, please tell me and I'll of course take care of it and add it right away! ♥)
So, first and foremost - Tsubasa has been updating his jweb a looot lately, and it all seems to have been leading up to him wanting to say something. He's seemed very happy and has seemed grateful for life and his friends and family and fans. At one point he said we will/might get to see new sides of him but please to keep supporting him.
Cue all of us going, "Okay???"
And then there was this on April 2nd:
- - -
Since April is already here, have you started something new?
I (he uses the pronoun 'atai', that was used by prostitutes and is now used by "onee"-like gay men) have started attending a calligraphy course yesterday.
Calligraphy feels like a sacred world and it was a pure, dignifying time that made two hours go by in the blink of an eye.
My mother studies ikebana, I, her son, study calligraphy, and so while my chances to meet foreigners increase, I want to honour the traditions that Japan can be proud of and use them both as my strength.
A~h, those ugly irrealistic people who can only dream are unsightful. (He says "obusu" - "busu" does mean ugly girl normally but "obusu" is kind of a general insult that "onee" use, meaning that not only are you not taking care of your appearance (and if you consider how much they care about the way they look etc you see how it could be considered important) but also ugly/not elegant in their personality)
The truth and reality are only known the people who know it. (ie by the people who know it first hand, who are involved into it)
So the obusu who are manoeuvred by gossip and the internet are really people who have nothing to do.
You understand a lot about someone's personality by seeing if they choose to rub people's anxieties in their faces or if they use their head.
Both men and women.
In every meaning, you can see someone's temperament by the way they've been raised.
Take care of yourself.
- - -
The next update on the 3d of April was pretty generic - he could've talked about watering his plants, it was that uninteresting.
- - -
And then on April 4 there was this:
Title: "Gratitude"
Yesterday evening Waratte Koraete aired! I wonder if you watched it. I mentioned it previously, but putting it simply, in the time that I've spent alone I had wonderful life experiences, as if the sun shined down on me.
The thing that impressed me the most and deeply moved me was reuniting with people who've supported me all this time and seeing that this reunion bore fruit.
But the battle is only starting now!
At that time, I said things that were too severe, and regretted it enormously, but I think I was able to clear my head a little from the agony of that day.
This is a really important matter.
Easier said
Than done.
Even though I want to tell you the truth, even though sometimes loneliness caused by the meaningless grief interferes, in a sense, I think there's bound to be the path I believe in if only the person (people?) in question knew the truth.
I won't forgive people who treat fans and audience as things.
Because the important thing you can't forget is that everything is the heart's feelings (or everything moves the heart? Something like that)
Carrying out my original intention, I want to become such a person so as to astonish all those people who believed in me, sometimes criticized me.
To be proud of myself as an idol, as an entertainer, as a performer, I think it'll be fun if I could continue the betrayal, in a good meaning. (pink smiley)
First I'll do it bit by bit, but then I'll do it in one gulp.
Yoroshiku!
- - -
So, the first one was what really made us all go O__O. The language he used was so... odd, to the point of being rude. And we were all wondering WHY he were using the female speech pattern and the female endings to words when he's been so gung-ho about being ~manly~ the past few years. Then I started thinking about how so many of the Japanese population have this deep misunderstanding and misconception of all gay men being extremely feminine, if not transexuals. And since so many people have actually stated before that Tsubasa can't possibly be gay because he is so manly, he has hige and oh-my-gosh he's even into sport. No gay man would ever be into sports, right? ^^;;;
Anyway, I started talking about it with kyakuhonka and said that it might be him being so tired of all the constant girlfriend questions, girlfriend rumours (not necessarily only in the Johnny's world, but in the entertainment world in general) and the whole heteronormative view of life in Japan. What better way to make fun of that than to actually talking like a girl?
Then we was told that it's not just a girly way of speaking it's a "typical" way for the onee gay men to talk. Oops, Tsubasa, couldn't have made that on purpose, could you?
ANYWAY. He was pretty obviously pissed off and upset when he wrote that entry, and some of his fans seemed to get pretty upset about it, and there was even talk of him potentionally losing fans over this. Meanwhile most of us were just, "WHO HURT HIM? WHO DID SOMETHING TO TSUBASA, WE'RE GONNA KICK HIS ASS!!! >_____
But there was also the bandana in his back pocket. And that has been used as a gay code for YEARS and years and years (at least ever since the seventies). And of course there are different hanky codes, all according to colour and which pocket you put the bandana in. What made the whole thing even more interesting was that Tsubasa had a white one while he gave the juniors black ones, and he made them have theirs in their left pockets and he wore his in the right pocket. And Tsubasa, as we know, is the worst perfectionist ever - he is so extremely picky with the details that he would never do that not on purpose. (And if I remember correctly, right pocket means bottom, and I know I'm one of the few who thinks that, but yay, bottom!Tsubasa! *___*)
But back to the jwebs. There are so many things that point to it being about him wanting to come out. He's talking about nasty rumours on the internet about him. But he hasn't really had any proper girl rumours for a long time - not like many of the other Johnny's do. And the one's he's had over the years are nothing compared to others rumours - it's nothing he'd be so angry about.
So, could it be gay rumours that he's been angry about? No, because he's had none (if you don't count the one about a used condom in his and Takizawa's dressing room :3333 and him being asked out by a gay entertainer and always being sexually harassed by people like Matsuko Deluxe and Vegas Ajioka!) So he can't be angry about that either - especially since he plays up to it so much all the time.
Oh my god, this is the man who made this pose...
... while telling Takizawa to "put it in". :}}}
Again, back to the Jwebs! He's been hanging out with so many international people from the dancing world the past few months and years. In the entry form the 4th he says, "The thing that impressed me the most and deeply moved me was reuniting with people who've supported me all this time and seeing that this reunion bore fruit."
We were talking about how this might be how he met up with the Burn The Floor cast again in London a little while ago. In japan there are pretty much no gay celebreties out of the closet, but he's met so many now who's not just not hiding, but they're living proudly and openly as well. Travis Payne for example. They seem to have gotten so close and I think Tsubasa could really confide in him (as far as the language barrier allowed him at least!). Travis is gay, and living with his partner and that would probably amaze Tsubasa at first. And then he met the Burn the Floor team where there's Jason Gilkison who is also out and again, no big deal. Jason's even talked about how he wants to include same-sex (ballroom??) dancing in Burn the Floor ever since 2009. (I hope he'll do it soon!)
And then of course it is all the dancers - several of the men are gay and maybe someone just assumed or asked him about it one day and Tsubasa told them the truth? Or maybe he even lied and said no and felt even more bad about it afterwards. I think that would crush him a little because he is always pointing out just how important it is to be true to yourself and how to live honestly to the best of your capacity. He is so earnest and maybe seeing all of these openly gay people would make it even more difficult for him to keep having this huge secret.
Or maybe if he did tell any of his newfound friends, maybe they asked him who he has to keep it a secret - I don't know how much the performers gets taught japanese culture before they get there for shows.
Other points that points to it is so many of his interests are pretty telling. He throws it in our faces how much he loves a soccer player (Zlatan Ibrahimovic) who's been in a gay scandal. He tells us in his radio show how much he loves deep, raspy morning voices and hairy arms. (I... have not seen or heard many women like this. Of course there might be some, I just... feel it more likely that he's talking about a man. Or men.) And his love for Michael Jackson and James Bond played by Daniel Craig (who, believe it or not, is a gay icon). And of course James Dean, Gaudí and... I know there is more but I can't even remember it all now. Please help me remember, flist, and I'll add it here!
And I get this feeling thhat he really really really wants to tell us. And he still sayd that even though he regret using such harsch words, he still can't tell us now. Because it's difficult and he just can't do it. Because it's easier said than done, and even though he's started to do it... he can't yet.
Some people seems to believe it's about a marriage, but none of the idols have ever done it this way. Why would he keep teasing and worrying us with these kind of words when no other Johnny's done that. They've announced it and that's that. It makes no sense in my eyes. Why would he write a rude, pissed off entry in his jweb about lying cows if he were getting married? O_o
"Even though I want to tell you the truth, even though sometimes loneliness caused by the meaningless grief interferes, in a sense, I think there's bound to be the path I believe in if only the person (people?) in question knew the truth."
This is appearently something that's been bothering him for a long time. He's had a lot of grief over it and wish he could tell people about it, but people doesn't know the truth.
It's difficult to make sense of his "ramblings" bacsue he's so vague and cryptic. Add to that the fact that he's an anxious worrywart and a deep thinker. He's been pondering this a looot, and it's difficult for us to make any sense of it at all, even though we're trying with all our might.
To me, the last few paragraphs seems to mean that this something that he is hiding is taking away the possibility for him to do his best, or being his best. He wants so much and he's been saying this for years - what's most important to him is being true to his own intentions, and doing things that move people. That's why so many of his lyrics are so meanignful and full of emotions and memories - Tada and Mihatenu Yume especially. ♥
And then there's the thing at the end. That he's telling us, bit by bit. And then he'll do it with a bang, pretty much. So what could it be he's going to tell us? And when, when will he do it?
For me it seems like the only thing it really could be is about him coming out. I don't know what else it COULD be about. Any ideas, anyone? What could possibly give him so much grief that he has to build up to it so much, make some fans angry, make some worry, to then tell us he can't tell us yet. But he will. What revelation could be big enough for it to be such a huge deal? I honestly don't know what else it could be, and I've been thinking this over and over for real.
And so, my thoughts. A BIG part of me wants him to come out. Because I think he needs it. He needs to be honest and true to himself and to everyone around him. He is so earnest and pure and I think it'd be eating him up from the inside to not be able to be who he is and having to lie and answer stupid questions all the time concerning what kind of girl he likes, when he'll get married... and so on.
So I do want him to do it. But at the same time, I don't think Japan is actually ready. (I wish I could have the positiveness of pinkpapyrus, and also believe with all my heart that everything would be all right!) But there are so many who just wouldn't understand and I think he could be destroyed. Of course it could also be perfectly okay, we have no idea. Maybe he'd have to quit Johnny's, but maybe not? I am a firm believer that there are staff checking all their jwebs before they get sent out - they wouldn't have let him post these entries if they didn't know what was going on, they'd have stopped them - or at least removed them by now. So he might get to stay in Johnny's - but how much would he get to do? Would he still have concerts, would he still have butais? Would enough fans be brave and proud enough to stay his fans? (I know a LOT would, but... would it be enough?)
And what about takitsuba? It would effect Takki as well. Especially since everyone's been teasing them for years and years and years about their relationship and how "close" they seem to be. Takki can brush off renting Tokyo Dome for Tsubasa a friendship gift now, but could he if Tsubasa came out? Or would they both come out? (And here my shipper-heart comes in to play!) Would Takizawa let Tsubasa handle this on his own? All the backlash he might get over doing something like that.
And I need takitsuba. I need them with all my heart, they give me so much pure joy and I Love them. More than anything, I really really love this unit that has done so much for me, for their fans. ♥ I want them to exist forever. I want to follow them forever. I have been their fan for 8 years now, and not one single day goes by where I am not truly happy and proud to be their fan.
Of course, if he does come out (and I do think he will, one day. But he was also talking about making preparations, or something, for his 40s - maybe he's just giving us a looong long time to getting used to the idea? Maybe this is enough for now? Or maybe it's not.) I would be so proud of him. For daring to do it, for managing to do it. I would still support him with ALL my heart. And what makes me even more confident is hearing how confident HE sounds. He sounds confident and ready, and like he has a plan. He could make a real change if he did this - maybe others would follow, and people would realize that it's NOT that big of a deal. or that it SHOULDN'T have to be any kind of deal at all. He could set such an example for his kohai's, and even some of his senpai's...
Ahhh, yeah, this got super long and rambly. I hope I could make some sense of my thoughts with this post. I keep thinking and overthinking this and reaaaally needed to let all this out. And I hope those of you who wanted to read the translations enjoyed them. I'd be really happy to hear your thoughts? ^^
To end this, I once again just want to say this.
♥♥♥Imai Tsubasa-san. I will always support you, no matter what. <3 Thank you for being you, always! ♥♥♥
