In need of help
I know I haven't been around on LJ and in ya'll's lives as much as I could have been but I could really use some help/advice/perspective if you all could find it withing yourselves to give it. I don't have any other "public" place to post and ask advice on this matter with out alerting my BFF.
This will probably be rambling and not at all well thought out, but here's what I'm trying to deal with:
I'm pretty sure my best friend is a functioning alcoholic, and I'm pretty sure I pissed her off by indicating that I don't like her driving drunk. She drives drunk, TO WORK, meaning she's drunk at work. She takes more than the recommended dose of painkillers, and she'll take them when she doesn't need them. She got into an argument with her roommate because they want her to go to rehab. She says that she knows what she's doing and she's fine and can function with the alcohol and pain killers. I don't know about the illegal drugs because she doesn't tell me about those.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but being able to hold down a job doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. I know it's possible to drink alot and use drugs (both legal, prescription and illegal) with out being an alcoholic and/or and addict, but I also know that it's not black and white.
I know that my perspective on drugs and alcohol are not the norm, but I think I've got a grasp on what IS normal, safe and "healthy" use of them. My ramblings are not enough to go on to figure out whether or not she is an alcoholic, but this is a matter that has worried me for a while.
This Friday (yesterday) she texted me and said something about "driving bombed is a very bad idea" and I responded with something like "no it's not please try to remain in one piece." SHe replied that she was trying and that she drives drunk a lot so she's not terrible at it.
I responded : That's no excuse. Alcohol impairs judgment and slows reaction time and I don't want to go to your funeral. -steals keys- I'll drive you everywhere and not worry.
I had intended for the last bit to come off as joking to ease the message but that probably didn't come across. I haven't heard back from her. I think I've pissed her off, but either way I think she's got a problem and I don't know how to talk to her about it.
One of the reasons our friendship works is because we don't tell each other what to do or who to be. Saying "You're an alcoholic" is not going ot go over well at all. I'm worried about how to talk to her, I'm worried she's going to take one too many risks, or get over confident and wind up in a lot of trouble or dead. I'm worried that talking to her is going to upset her and she's going to hate me. I'm worried that I'll say something the wrong way and she'll just think I'm another person who doesn't understand her and is just going to abandon her, like everyone else in her life. I'm not going to abandon her, I love her more than anyone, I know who she is, I understand as much of her as she'll let me see.
She's coming to visit in three weeks, we're supposed to get tattoos together. I keep asking what's going to happen if this is dealt with before she visits and she doesn't want to anymore, and what happens if we deal with it while she's here and we fight and she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. What if that happens after the tat? What am I doing getting a tattoo with someone if I can't have this conversation with them?
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe I'm the one with issues. I don't know.
Can anyone offer me any advice, or perspective? Please? Anything could help.
This will probably be rambling and not at all well thought out, but here's what I'm trying to deal with:
I'm pretty sure my best friend is a functioning alcoholic, and I'm pretty sure I pissed her off by indicating that I don't like her driving drunk. She drives drunk, TO WORK, meaning she's drunk at work. She takes more than the recommended dose of painkillers, and she'll take them when she doesn't need them. She got into an argument with her roommate because they want her to go to rehab. She says that she knows what she's doing and she's fine and can function with the alcohol and pain killers. I don't know about the illegal drugs because she doesn't tell me about those.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but being able to hold down a job doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. I know it's possible to drink alot and use drugs (both legal, prescription and illegal) with out being an alcoholic and/or and addict, but I also know that it's not black and white.
I know that my perspective on drugs and alcohol are not the norm, but I think I've got a grasp on what IS normal, safe and "healthy" use of them. My ramblings are not enough to go on to figure out whether or not she is an alcoholic, but this is a matter that has worried me for a while.
This Friday (yesterday) she texted me and said something about "driving bombed is a very bad idea" and I responded with something like "no it's not please try to remain in one piece." SHe replied that she was trying and that she drives drunk a lot so she's not terrible at it.
I responded : That's no excuse. Alcohol impairs judgment and slows reaction time and I don't want to go to your funeral. -steals keys- I'll drive you everywhere and not worry.
I had intended for the last bit to come off as joking to ease the message but that probably didn't come across. I haven't heard back from her. I think I've pissed her off, but either way I think she's got a problem and I don't know how to talk to her about it.
One of the reasons our friendship works is because we don't tell each other what to do or who to be. Saying "You're an alcoholic" is not going ot go over well at all. I'm worried about how to talk to her, I'm worried she's going to take one too many risks, or get over confident and wind up in a lot of trouble or dead. I'm worried that talking to her is going to upset her and she's going to hate me. I'm worried that I'll say something the wrong way and she'll just think I'm another person who doesn't understand her and is just going to abandon her, like everyone else in her life. I'm not going to abandon her, I love her more than anyone, I know who she is, I understand as much of her as she'll let me see.
She's coming to visit in three weeks, we're supposed to get tattoos together. I keep asking what's going to happen if this is dealt with before she visits and she doesn't want to anymore, and what happens if we deal with it while she's here and we fight and she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. What if that happens after the tat? What am I doing getting a tattoo with someone if I can't have this conversation with them?
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe I'm the one with issues. I don't know.
Can anyone offer me any advice, or perspective? Please? Anything could help.