Hello.
Hello.
This is my first blog from my little treat to myself. I've long since wanted a netbook, or at least something portable, to enable me to get away from my PC every now and then. In my usual manner I trawled the net closely examining reviews, prices and so on and eventually came across a website selling refurbished and 'shop second' laptops and netbooks. In the end I realised that I'd have to make a decision or else I'd go on and on just looking (which is fun, because one of the rare blokey things about me is that I like looking at gadgets) for weeks. So I narrowed it down to two different items, both about the same price and both bargains. In the end it was a no-brainer because one (this one) was being sold cheaply because the box had been opened and damaged whilst the other was a refurbished second hand one. So I swallowed hard and bought it.
My slight reluctance to finally go through with it was because I don't want to be seen to be spending my Waterstone's redundancy money frivolously when it should really be a financial buffer now that I'm earning about £100 less a month. But I'm glad that I did go through with the purchase. I've already used it loads, even up the garden where the wi-fi signal is weak, yet strong enough to stay connected. It also runs Linux, which apparently doesn't need protection from worms or viruses. I hope that's right, anyway - that's what the internet told me, anyway, so it must be true.
In other news, my new job is now going well. I'm so glad that the redundancy from Waterstone's gave me the opportunity to do something completely different. I now couldn't consider returning to retail, and the thought of NOT having to work in a shop over the Christmas period ever again (hopefully) is amazing. It had begun to fill me with dread over the past few years, so to be free of it is brilliant. I'm more than likely going to have to work at the hospital on Christmas day, but it is so entirely different that I don't care.
The only blip I've had recently occurred on the last two nights of my stint of night shifts (I did 6 nights over a period of 8 days - it was originally supposed to be 3, but I covered for a colleague who was unable to do hers) when a woman was admitted who bears more than a passing resemblance to Drew's Mum. I suppose that if you actually put the two women side by side you wouldn't necessarily think that they are very alike, but under the circumstances I'm very sensitive to anything that puts me in mind of our current situation and this lady's confusion and distress broke through the just-detached-enough veneer that I've grown over the last few weeks. The fact that she has abroad Birmingham accent is the killer; when she called out for her daughter to get her up (because she thought it was morning, when in fact it was the middle of the night) she sounded just like Drew's mother. I was able to calm her down and persuade her that she needed to get back into bed, but found it upsetting that she couldn't explain why she was in pain and that she was bewildered as to where she was. I had to go and sit in the loo for a good cry in the end.
She called out on and off for most of the night, until about 5.30 when she finally went to sleep.
I've now reverted to day shifts and asked D, my friend, if she minded covering that end of the ward rather than me and explained why. She was more than willing to do so. In fact I did go to meet the lady's family when they visited during the afternoon and was able to talk to them about her confusion at night and also was able to ask why she didn't like being called by the name we had written down for her. It turns out that she never liked her name since childhood and was teased by her brother about it for years, so now we've made a note of the nickname she prefers which will help when she calls out. I also asked them what she meant by a certain phrase she would use every now and then, which was clearly something particular to teir family and they were able to explain what she meant. This, again, will help us to understand her and therefore help her. Her family were very nice people (not always the case, it has to be said) and having met them and talked to them I felt a bit better about her.
I don't think it helped that by then I was reaching the end of my night shifts. No matter how much effort you make, it is impossible to get as much undisturbed sleep during the day as you do at night, and I was very, very tired indeed. It's something I recognise in myself - I become very emotionally vulnerable when I'm worn out. In the past few days being back to night sleeping has begun to make me feel better.
Beyond work, the situation with Drew's Mum still goes on. We speak everyday on the phone, sometimes more than once, but it remains hard for us both. It's hard for me because I'm too far away to be anything other than someone that he can sound off to, which I know helps. He seems to be forever floundering in a sea of problems with the carers and the health authorities. Both his aunts try to be supportive, but they're both quite advanced in years themselves, neither of them live very close and the husband of one of them has just been admitted to hospital himself with very serious brain problems. He was hoping that one of them would be able to stay the night so that Drew can drive me back to Ipswich after I've stayed for a few nights (I have a week's holiday coming up soon)but it now seems his brother might have to do it... and he's not keen, it would seem.
I won't go into detail about his mother's condition here, I don't feel it's my place to do so, suffice to say she is now bedbound and gets very easily tired, not helped by the visits from carers and nurses, although the nurses now call once a week instead of every day. I've had a couple of chats with her when she's answered the phone (Drew has put a phone by her bed) and she sounds all right, although she repeats herself sometimes.
I'll be going to stay there in a week or so and although it will be nice to see her I'm preparing myself for a shock. After all, last time I was there Drew's Dad was still alive and his Mum was doing her usual zipping about making cups of tea and sandwiches for everyone. It's frightening how quickly it has all changed. In fact, that someone's life can be irrevocably changed in an instant, is something I've learned very quickly since being in hospital.
Anyway, I think that'll do for now especially since I'm supposed to be working on my portfolio for work.
Bye for now.
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