And now, horseshit
ROUND 1
- "Swan" (from The Warriors vs. "David 'Big Papi' Ortiz" (from MLB '06)
THE ACTION: Ortiz is a power hitter, and a big man to be sure, but here Swan disproves the "never bet on the white guy" theory by winning handily. He's got street-honed combat skills, and has made short work of bat-wielding opponents in the past.
- "Spider-Man" (from Marvel Ultimate Alliance) vs. "Superman"(from Justice League: Heroes)
THE ACTION: A classic Marvel/DC matchup in the first round, pitting the franchise players against one another. Spidey has the edge in wisecracks, superior gameplay and overall character, but let's be honest, Supes is going to mop the floor with him.
- "Carl 'CJ' Johnson" (from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas) vs. "Sgt. Glenn 'Hawk' Hawkins" (from Call of Duty 2: The Big Red One)
THE ACTION: This is probably the tightest matchup in the game: two stone cold killers who basically murder everyone they encounter, expert deathdealers with a full range of lethal weapons and experience negotiating situationswhere everyone is trying to kill them. I know everyone is going to accuse me of being an unpatriotic troop non-supporter here, but I'm gonna give it to CJ -- he's got superior weaponry, no moral qualms, and, when I'm playing at least, a history of actually defeating his opponents rather than just hiding in a corner and hoping the Nazis don't find him.
- "Evander Holyfield" (from Fight Night Round 2) vs. "Jimmy Hopkins" (from Bully)
THE ACTION: Okay, Evander is an overrated pussy, but even he can beat up a 13-year-old boy.
ROUND 2
- "Swan" (from The Warriors vs. "Superman"(from Justice League: Heroes)
THE ACTION: Not even close. Superman trashes two-bit street thugs like Swan in his sleep.
- "Carl 'CJ' Johnson" (from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas) vs. "Evander Holyfield" (from Fight Night Round 2)
THE ACTION: Holyfield's true worth is finally measured as he is shot dead in five seconds.
FINALS
- "Superman"(from Justice League: Heroes) "Carl 'CJ' Johnson" (from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
THE ACTION: CJ always seems to find a way to win, but not this time. Unless I buy God of War or Shadow of the Colossus, or someone comes out with The Adventures of God and His Pet Cat Swifty Who Is Made of Pure Kryptonite, Superman is always going to be the baddest man on the shelf. But his game is still kinda dull.