(no subject)
Well, two in a row? Aren't ya'll lucky?
My uncle, I guess, has resigned to the fact that he is going to die... or my dad may have resigned to that fact. He told me last night with tears in his eyes and his voice cracked. But, like so many times before, my father hid it with anger and immediately lashed out at everyone later on. I hate that, but then again, I pride myself in being able to hide things like he does... I guess it's a double-edged sword. I'm just glad I don't lash out at people in anger when something's bothering me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that.
Also, my uncle is going to talk to everyone. I already know what the talk is going to be about, as my dad has told me. He's gonna ask us all not to follow down his path and stay away from drugs and alcohol... and I will listen to him with respect, the respect that he has earned for being able to quit drugs and alcohol and make amends within the family. My family, that was torn apart because of it... it's sad to see that a tragedy has to bring us together, everyone has so much pride, it's dangerous it seems. I have no idea what my reaction is going to be to his speech... I can't say if I will quit anything or not, I just know that I'm seriously thinking about it. It can happen anyone and I know this, I'm not gonna be thinking "Oh, this will never happen to me, I'm smarter than that", because I know better. I'm mature enough to know that it can happen to anyone at any time. Now, it's time to see what direction I choose to take. I'm scared, I'll admit, because I don't want to become addicted to any of the things my uncle did, and go through what he did. I also feel a need to prove myself to myself again and show myself that I have self-control and that I won't become addicted. It's gonna be hard though, addictions to drugs and alcohol do run on my dads side of the family, and quite possibly my moms side, but no one knows anything about that.
I'm just hoping that I can be strong, and keep my head straight... with whatever I choose to do. Who knows? The only way to find out is once I make my decision. Whatever that is, I hope it's the right one.
I just hope Norman will be proud of whatever I do, and I hope that he will be able to look down on me. I believe he deserves Heaven, he may have done some horrible things in his life, but to look at him now and see how he's tried to fix things the best he could... I think that shows that he deserves to be let in. I love him, I've never said it to his face, but maybe I should..
My uncle, I guess, has resigned to the fact that he is going to die... or my dad may have resigned to that fact. He told me last night with tears in his eyes and his voice cracked. But, like so many times before, my father hid it with anger and immediately lashed out at everyone later on. I hate that, but then again, I pride myself in being able to hide things like he does... I guess it's a double-edged sword. I'm just glad I don't lash out at people in anger when something's bothering me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that.
Also, my uncle is going to talk to everyone. I already know what the talk is going to be about, as my dad has told me. He's gonna ask us all not to follow down his path and stay away from drugs and alcohol... and I will listen to him with respect, the respect that he has earned for being able to quit drugs and alcohol and make amends within the family. My family, that was torn apart because of it... it's sad to see that a tragedy has to bring us together, everyone has so much pride, it's dangerous it seems. I have no idea what my reaction is going to be to his speech... I can't say if I will quit anything or not, I just know that I'm seriously thinking about it. It can happen anyone and I know this, I'm not gonna be thinking "Oh, this will never happen to me, I'm smarter than that", because I know better. I'm mature enough to know that it can happen to anyone at any time. Now, it's time to see what direction I choose to take. I'm scared, I'll admit, because I don't want to become addicted to any of the things my uncle did, and go through what he did. I also feel a need to prove myself to myself again and show myself that I have self-control and that I won't become addicted. It's gonna be hard though, addictions to drugs and alcohol do run on my dads side of the family, and quite possibly my moms side, but no one knows anything about that.
I'm just hoping that I can be strong, and keep my head straight... with whatever I choose to do. Who knows? The only way to find out is once I make my decision. Whatever that is, I hope it's the right one.
I just hope Norman will be proud of whatever I do, and I hope that he will be able to look down on me. I believe he deserves Heaven, he may have done some horrible things in his life, but to look at him now and see how he's tried to fix things the best he could... I think that shows that he deserves to be let in. I love him, I've never said it to his face, but maybe I should..