(no subject)
Your case against me is so very clearly stated
I plead not contest
I just turn and shrug
There must be something in the heavy scent of the crisp autumn air that makes the dormant wheels of my mind begin to spin. There's something that we're all feeling. Something that we all know but care not to discuss. We are standing on the footsteps of revolution: of our minds, of our country, of our culture. We burst through the door of a new millenium with so much ambition yet we've collectively accomplished nothing. If anything we've made it harder on ourselves. Evolution is beginning to feel a lot like a disaster. An unnecessary, unwanted, unfortunate gift. Whether you're pushing towards a goal or not, I doubt that you know why. Whether you're reeling in the arms of love or not, I doubt that you know for sure that you want it. We're all standing where out parents stood, where our grandparents stood, but none of us are actually doing anything. I'm not talking about Iraq, or oil, or freedom. I'm talking about ourselves. Our minds. Integrity. Wants and desires. I am lonely. Confused. And disapointed with what's going on around me. And I know most of you are too. I know that as you try to find comfort in the sanctuary of sleep that your minds are just as plagued as mine. That you too acknowldge the nonsense and avoid the story before you that is only yours to write. We all do. We weren't prepared. No one let us in on how hard it is to grow, to be strong, to just be. We all have our excuses. Our presumptions about the way things should work. We all relish in the past and try and savor every last bit of the places we've already been. Life is hard. Beyond the bills and homework and monotomy... it's hard for all of us on the inside. It's hard for all of us to straighten out our thoughts; to figure out where we've been and were we'd actually like to go. I'll tell you one thing... I'm going to sit right here and wallow until the very last second. I'm going to sit here and yell at the top of my lungs until we all admit that we're lost, the we're confused, that the path before us is too dark to navigate. I'm going to sit right here and wait it out... brave the storm... prepare for the wreckage before I even begin to walk the road ahead of me. No shame. No regret. I want my life to reflect me. When it's over all I will have is all I've left behind. The footprints I've left on your lives, on my families, on my children... I encourage you to live the rest of your days with that in mind because for most of us, successes are going to be few and far between...
You must mean water when you get on your knees and you beg me for blood