(no subject)
It's forced me to see You've done better by me Better by me then I've done by you Now what's to be found By racing around You carry your pain wherever you go Full of blues And trying to lose You aint gonna learn what you don't wanna know...
I am so
sad
cofused
lost
childish
I just want to save some money. Go to some shows. And bask in the comfort of the sound. I just want to be where no one knows my name but some remember my face. I want to see all of their familiar faces too. I want to wake up way too early and stay up way to late. Dancing. Sweating. Smiling. I want to move out again. I want to be Ashley. I want to be the wonderful, beautiful, strong, devoted, loving, undersanding, acid eating, road trip taking, party throwing, always smiling, too opinionated for her own good, fair, patient, level headed WOMAN I worked so hard to be. I miss her. I'm sure you guys do to. I want to say that today's the day she comes back. But, it's a lie. I've let her sink deep into a vat of some thick mystery goo. Today may be the day that I pull her out but it'll be a long while before I can clean all that mess off of her. =) I just feel crazy lately. Jenn and I talked about menopause the other day. I know it sounds crazy but I've yet to think about getting old... sudenly I'm worried... and frightened. That I won't have done enough, seen enough, had enough, loved enough, been enough before I dry up and start to whither away. I just feel bad lately. Sickly bad. Physically and emotionally. I've clearly chosen the wrong catalyst for my life and it's catching up with me fast. I want the past back. I want another go at it. Another sloppy second chance with yesterday. I need a xanex. Or a handful of them. Mmmmmm numb. I forgot all about what numb feels like... It must be something close to heaven...
Going back home that's what I'm gonna do...
I'm turning around that's what I'm gonna do
Going back home that's what I'm gonna do
Cause you've done better by me then I've done by you
Whoa I'm drowning in you
big yellow bouncing on the heavy front
bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing
I am so
sad
cofused
lost
childish
I just want to save some money. Go to some shows. And bask in the comfort of the sound. I just want to be where no one knows my name but some remember my face. I want to see all of their familiar faces too. I want to wake up way too early and stay up way to late. Dancing. Sweating. Smiling. I want to move out again. I want to be Ashley. I want to be the wonderful, beautiful, strong, devoted, loving, undersanding, acid eating, road trip taking, party throwing, always smiling, too opinionated for her own good, fair, patient, level headed WOMAN I worked so hard to be. I miss her. I'm sure you guys do to. I want to say that today's the day she comes back. But, it's a lie. I've let her sink deep into a vat of some thick mystery goo. Today may be the day that I pull her out but it'll be a long while before I can clean all that mess off of her. =) I just feel crazy lately. Jenn and I talked about menopause the other day. I know it sounds crazy but I've yet to think about getting old... sudenly I'm worried... and frightened. That I won't have done enough, seen enough, had enough, loved enough, been enough before I dry up and start to whither away. I just feel bad lately. Sickly bad. Physically and emotionally. I've clearly chosen the wrong catalyst for my life and it's catching up with me fast. I want the past back. I want another go at it. Another sloppy second chance with yesterday. I need a xanex. Or a handful of them. Mmmmmm numb. I forgot all about what numb feels like... It must be something close to heaven...
Going back home that's what I'm gonna do...
I'm turning around that's what I'm gonna do
Going back home that's what I'm gonna do
Cause you've done better by me then I've done by you
Whoa I'm drowning in you
big yellow bouncing on the heavy front
bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing bouncing