twirling my hair with my fingers
so i haven't really written in a while and i guess I should probably actually give ya'll (if any readers) an update.
having my brother here is so odd. not that he's a bad kid, but he likes to lie and make up a lot of stories. then he makes a big deal about missing his grandmother, which i would sympathize with him except for the fact that she was the one who had him sent to the hospital for physical abuse. I don't get it, it's just so confusing.
my mom doesn't like having him here either. I understand because i mean, he's eight, she doesn't need to raise ANOTHER kid when she's 53 and she was almost done with raising me. plus, he's not her blood, which she never fails to remind me of daily. He tries to be babied a lot, and he hates rules and makes a big deal about them. I'm not sure what he expected when he came here, but he's not going to be abused like he was at his grandmother's house, yet he's still complaining? why? because we believe that he should have structure when it comes to school and religion and family? I don't know. I just know that my mom wants to justleave and she's not going to leave me behind which means that she wants to pull me out of lakeside, when i just started to get use to the people and go to louisiana to live with lisa.
okay, so, i love lisa, i really do. but i don't want to live with her. and yes, i really love my little sister lydia, but i don't want to have to be HER babysitter either. So she said, what about ASMSA. it's amazing. after wanting to go so bad for while, i just up and changed my mind. I really don't want to go anymore. I'm not sure why. maybe because it was too much work to get letters of recommendation from teachers in ohio, maybe because i know i completely blew my ACTs yesterday, maybe because i don't want to have to have my life revolve around my school work and school projects struggling to keep a passing grade. but then....there is the whole "getting away from home" thing that's rather appealing, the "more freedom than i have now" thing, and oh yeah, the "average of 80000 dollars of single student scholarships" and how people have gotten "full rides into Yale (yes, Yale)" going to that school.....i dunno........argh....i'm so confused
too much to think about, too much to do, too much to type, too much to update, too much to miss, too much to lose, yet rather a lot to gain.
i'm just confused
having my brother here is so odd. not that he's a bad kid, but he likes to lie and make up a lot of stories. then he makes a big deal about missing his grandmother, which i would sympathize with him except for the fact that she was the one who had him sent to the hospital for physical abuse. I don't get it, it's just so confusing.
my mom doesn't like having him here either. I understand because i mean, he's eight, she doesn't need to raise ANOTHER kid when she's 53 and she was almost done with raising me. plus, he's not her blood, which she never fails to remind me of daily. He tries to be babied a lot, and he hates rules and makes a big deal about them. I'm not sure what he expected when he came here, but he's not going to be abused like he was at his grandmother's house, yet he's still complaining? why? because we believe that he should have structure when it comes to school and religion and family? I don't know. I just know that my mom wants to justleave and she's not going to leave me behind which means that she wants to pull me out of lakeside, when i just started to get use to the people and go to louisiana to live with lisa.
okay, so, i love lisa, i really do. but i don't want to live with her. and yes, i really love my little sister lydia, but i don't want to have to be HER babysitter either. So she said, what about ASMSA. it's amazing. after wanting to go so bad for while, i just up and changed my mind. I really don't want to go anymore. I'm not sure why. maybe because it was too much work to get letters of recommendation from teachers in ohio, maybe because i know i completely blew my ACTs yesterday, maybe because i don't want to have to have my life revolve around my school work and school projects struggling to keep a passing grade. but then....there is the whole "getting away from home" thing that's rather appealing, the "more freedom than i have now" thing, and oh yeah, the "average of 80000 dollars of single student scholarships" and how people have gotten "full rides into Yale (yes, Yale)" going to that school.....i dunno........argh....i'm so confused
too much to think about, too much to do, too much to type, too much to update, too much to miss, too much to lose, yet rather a lot to gain.
i'm just confused