Dreams (1/1)
Despite telling Betty that she thought she’d be having better dreams, and changing the subject to the boys at the dance, Kate still found herself waking up in a cold sweat and gasping for air, on the regular. She just couldn’t shake them. No matter how happy she was during the day, or how safe she felt around her friends, it seemed that as soon as she closed her eyes, she was back under her father’s control. She desperately hoped she wasn’t waking up the rest of the boarding house, but she suspected she was disturbing at least a few of the girls, given that Betty had known what went on before she’d even told her.
Kate remembered the quiet way Betty had said “I know,” without judgment, wearing a small smile of comfort, when Kate had first confided that in her sleep, she was never able to get away from what she was running from. It was only a few nights later that Betty had made the offer to have Kate sleep in her room. In that moment, the initial joy and comfort Kate had felt was tempered by a slight terror. Of what, exactly, she didn’t know. She’d tried to reason it out, what had caused her to almost go running from Betty’s bedroom after that, but couldn’t quite make sense of it. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, because she knew she was strong enough to handle the nightmares, and that Betty would never think less of her for having them, or for needing to stay with her. But even though she knew she could make her way through each night on her own, Kate desperately wanted to stay with Betty, to know she was right there, and to rest in her arms. And there was the thing. There was the thing that gave her pause, and made her want to run. But she didn’t know why.
Surely, there was nothing wrong with sleeping next to a friend, and gaining comfort from them? Isn’t that what friendship was? To comfort each other in times of need? Kate determined that this conclusion was accurate, and there was no reason she shouldn’t accept Betty’s offer, if needed. It was all right to accept Betty’s offer, and nothing to worry about. For some reason though, she was still nervous, and it took her three days (nights) to finally work up the nerve to knock on Betty’s door.
******
Betty, for her part, had been awoken during those same three nights, more than once each night, by Kate’s cries. They were always short lived, and quickly muffled, as the girl herself woke up, and then worked to calm herself-or at least quiet herself. Betty wanted so much to make it better for Kate, to save her from her dreams. But, she’d offered, and Kate declined, so Betty had no other option (nor inclination) than to wait. Kate was a grown woman, and if she didn’t want the help, she didn’t want the help. Betty didn’t know why she was so drawn to Kate, and to protecting Kate. Well, yes she did, but she preferred not to think about one of the reasons, as she knew the girl would never in a million years return her feelings. So, Betty resigned herself to friendship, and to being the best friend Kate Andrews had ever had. Because the girl was one in a million, nah, one in a billion, and deserved everything good that could come to her, not the least of which was a good night’s sleep. But Betty waited. When she finally (three nights seemed like eternity) hear the soft footsteps, and light knock, she let out a sigh of relief and opened her door.
*****
“Hi,” Kate whispered in the dimmed light of the hallway, “I’m really sorry if I woke up, but…the other day, when you offered…” she couldn’t finish the sentence, why couldn’t she finish the sentence? Luckily, she didn’t have to, as Betty grinned and nodded her head back toward the interior of her room.
“Come on in, Red.”
Kate smiled at her, in that beautiful and utterly sincere way that she had, before nearly flying to the bed, and then sitting awkwardly on the side. Betty gestured at her to make herself comfortable, and, once she had, laid next to her. After some maneuvering around, Kate ended up on her side, with Betty behind her. Kate reached back to pull Betty’s arm around her middle, knowing that would make her feel the safest.
“Thank you, Betty,” she whispered sleepily, already drifting off.
“I just hope it works…” Betty whispered back, though mostly to herself, hoping above everything that her friend wouldn’t be tormented anymore that night.
**********
It did work. Kate didn’t have any nightmares that night, and it became a ritual. By the time Russell Joseph made that terrible movie, they spent each night in the same bed, sometimes in Betty’s room, sometimes in Kate’s. Even when Kate did have a whisper of a bad dream, that was all it was, and either Betty woke her up right away, or she pulled Betty’s arm closer to her while still half asleep, and that was enough.
That night, after the movie, Kate lay there next to Betty, feeling content and wishing she could make her friend feel the same. She found herself drifting off, despite her best efforts to stay awake and think of something brilliant to say that would lift Betty’s spirits. She thought maybe she’d succeeded, with her line about how Betty only needed the ones that mattered to like her, since Betty stopped talking soon after.
She felt Betty get up to turn the light off, and then come back to bed, settling in behind her. Kate moved back toward Betty. They were so close that she felt Betty’s breath on the back of her neck, as she let out a small sigh. Kate shivered involuntarily at that, which led Betty to somehow move even closer, and whisper,
“You cold?”
“No,” she whispered back, actively working to not shiver again, as Betty’s lips inadvertently brushed her ear as she asked the question.
This small serious of events meant that Kate was now wide awake, and thinking. She was thinking about what Betty had said a few moments earlier, about wishing she was like other girls. She was thinking how much she loved that Betty wasn’t like them. She wasn’t some vapid, superficial girl focused on make-up and a husband. She was independent, patriotic, and tough as nails, but with the kindest heart Kate had ever known. The more Kate thought about this, the angrier she became at Russell Joseph, for trying to make Betty into something she wasn’t, particularly because it made Betty doubt herself, and feel badly about the life she’d made!
Kate got so worked up about this that she flipped over abruptly, so she was facing Betty. ‘Oh. We are close’, she thought in the moment she had before Betty almost comically flew backward, nearly falling off the bed before Kate caught her and pulled her back, between much gasping, fumbling, and giggling.
“Sorry!” Kate said between laughs. They were both trying to stifle their snickering before they had a neighbor or two bang on the wall and tell them to shut it.
It was a minute before Betty finally caught her breath, and regained her composure, her heart rate slowing after the combined anxiety of suddenly finding Kate’s lips half an inch from hers, and then almost landing on the floor. “What-why did you flip over like that? Lightning speed!””
Kate could see Betty’s smile in the blue moonlight that was seeping through the curtains, and smiled back.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, touching the side of Betty’s face briefly, “I was just thinking. About you.”Kate wasn’t entirely sure how much further she should go in revealing her thoughts. She’d figured out several weeks ago that she loved Betty. Loved Betty in the way she’d always expected to love a man. That was why she was so drawn to her, and why she had been so terrified of that fact. She knew what her father would say about it, and in fact, what most of the world would say about it, but she didn’t much care. It felt right to her, and good, and beautiful, the way she always believed love would feel. Kate believed in herself and her morals enough to know that it meant something if she felt it was right. It meant it was right, no matter what anyone said. She just hoped Betty would believe that too. Gladys had made enough vague comments to Kate, when tipsy, well…smashed, which alluded to the fact that Betty had feelings for Kate, but Kate was still afraid it wasn’t so. How reliable was drunk Gladys? And if Betty didn’t feel the same…well, there was a chance that she could lose this friendship, the most important in her life.
Betty watched Kate in the dim light, seeing various emotions play over her face, and wondering what, exactly, she had been thinking about her.
“You can tell me anything, Kate.”
Kate tangled their hands together before speaking, thinking that telling Betty would be easier if she could physically hold onto her. Maybe then she wouldn’t run away.
“I-“ How to start? “I…like laying here with you, every night.” She was talking quietly, and her words were inadvertently breathy, given that she was nearly hyperventilating. She wanted to make herself less anxious by saying something like ‘Gladys says you like me,’ and putting it on Betty. But she knew that would only cause Betty to panic, and maybe reel back off the bed again.
“Okay,” Betty said, drawing out the word cautiously. She wasn’t sure where this was going. She had a hope as to where, but couldn’t quite believe that would come to pass.
Kate smiled bashfully and broke eye contact. “I’m sorry Betty, I’m not-I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid I’ll lose you if I do.”
“You’ll never lose me, Kate,” Betty answered quickly and definitively, without even thinking before the words were out of her mouth. If she wanted Kate to be sure of anything, it was that.
“Thank you. You’ll never lose me either.” She paused, drawing up all the courage she could, “Betty, I don’t want you to think about Russell Joseph, or about being like any other girls. Well, you can think it if you want to, I suppose, but…just know that there are those of us who see you as you are, and love you as you are. And,” she paused again, taking a deep breath. She hadn’t told spoken any of this aloud before, “well, I’m not like the other girls either. I may look it, and act it, so I fit right in, but that’s just on the outside.”
Betty only just barely got the end of that speech, as she was a tad bit stuck on the ‘love you as you are’ piece. She couldn’t have meant love love, right? She meant friend love. Yup, must have been. Although, the way she was looking at Betty just then? Betty wasn’t a complete dolt. Vera never looked at her like that.
“So,” Betty whispered softly, “what are you like then? The real you,” Betty said this last piece in a playfully sarcastic tone, waggling her eyebrows slightly.
Kate laughed, “I think…in a lot of ways I’m like you,” she bit her lip and then continued, “Betty, when you asked me to be your housemate, and talked about having a place of your own…I don’t know why I made that comment about a husband. That was the last thing I was thinking. I was thinking about you and me,” she stopped and cleared her throat, realizing that she was about to sound like a crazy person, revealing this entire life she had imagined for the two of them together.
“Me and you?” Betty repeated, “Instead of thinking about a husband…you were thinking about you and me.” She said this matter of factly, and almost to herself.
“Yes.”
“Well…so was I.” Betty felt confident enough in what Kate was saying to make her own vague comment, which she could pretend meant nothing if Kate backtracked. But she pretty quickly decided she didn’t have to worry about that, as Kate’s face lit up in what was the most adorable expression Betty thought she had ever seen in her life.
“Really?” Kate felt that she needed to make sure Betty knew what she meant, “Betty, I just want to be clear-I love you. I’m in love with you. You are beautiful, and lovely, and the best friend I’ve ever had, but I want so much more than that. Sometimes I can barely keep my hands off you!”
“Kate!” Betty whispered, laughing, and almost looking scandalized. She had no idea how else to respond. She certainly couldn’t think of a smooth comment while imagining Kate trying to keep her hands off of her.
“Well it’s true!” she said, looking at her in the eye and smiling, before returning to a more serious tone, realizing that Betty hadn’t really acknowledged the rest of what she’d said, “Honestly Betty, that was why I ran away from you that first night you offered to let me sleep with you, next to you. I was afraid. But then I thought-why am I afraid of love? Even if you don’t feel the same, I’m not afraid of how I feel.”
Betty snapped out of her trance, realizing that Kate was still uncertain of how she felt. “Kate,” she shook her head, almost not believing this was real. She actually paused to pinch herself, realizing that the last thing she was sure had happened was her talking about that horrible movie. It hurt. “Kate, of course I feel the same way. I can’t even tell you how much I feel the same-I thought, maybe you knew-I thought I was being obvious, at least Gladys is always telling me I am.”
Kate laughed, “Gladys is one observant girl.”
“That she is. She’s been telling me for weeks that you had feelings for me, but I didn’t believe her,” Betty paused, “Kate, are you sure-“
“Betty, please don’t ask me that question. I’m nothing if not sure. I know my own heart. I don’t care what anyone else says. I don’t care if Russell Joseph thinks we should have husbands and children. There is a war going on, Betty, and we have love. I’m not throwing that away.”
Betty was still wrestling with her own self doubt, that someone as wonderful as Kate would actual love her. But, it would seem to be the case. “You’re something else, Kate Andrews. And I love you for it.”
Kate smiled, before asking the question that had been on her mind for three weeks, “Can I kiss you?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
The end.
Kate remembered the quiet way Betty had said “I know,” without judgment, wearing a small smile of comfort, when Kate had first confided that in her sleep, she was never able to get away from what she was running from. It was only a few nights later that Betty had made the offer to have Kate sleep in her room. In that moment, the initial joy and comfort Kate had felt was tempered by a slight terror. Of what, exactly, she didn’t know. She’d tried to reason it out, what had caused her to almost go running from Betty’s bedroom after that, but couldn’t quite make sense of it. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, because she knew she was strong enough to handle the nightmares, and that Betty would never think less of her for having them, or for needing to stay with her. But even though she knew she could make her way through each night on her own, Kate desperately wanted to stay with Betty, to know she was right there, and to rest in her arms. And there was the thing. There was the thing that gave her pause, and made her want to run. But she didn’t know why.
Surely, there was nothing wrong with sleeping next to a friend, and gaining comfort from them? Isn’t that what friendship was? To comfort each other in times of need? Kate determined that this conclusion was accurate, and there was no reason she shouldn’t accept Betty’s offer, if needed. It was all right to accept Betty’s offer, and nothing to worry about. For some reason though, she was still nervous, and it took her three days (nights) to finally work up the nerve to knock on Betty’s door.
******
Betty, for her part, had been awoken during those same three nights, more than once each night, by Kate’s cries. They were always short lived, and quickly muffled, as the girl herself woke up, and then worked to calm herself-or at least quiet herself. Betty wanted so much to make it better for Kate, to save her from her dreams. But, she’d offered, and Kate declined, so Betty had no other option (nor inclination) than to wait. Kate was a grown woman, and if she didn’t want the help, she didn’t want the help. Betty didn’t know why she was so drawn to Kate, and to protecting Kate. Well, yes she did, but she preferred not to think about one of the reasons, as she knew the girl would never in a million years return her feelings. So, Betty resigned herself to friendship, and to being the best friend Kate Andrews had ever had. Because the girl was one in a million, nah, one in a billion, and deserved everything good that could come to her, not the least of which was a good night’s sleep. But Betty waited. When she finally (three nights seemed like eternity) hear the soft footsteps, and light knock, she let out a sigh of relief and opened her door.
*****
“Hi,” Kate whispered in the dimmed light of the hallway, “I’m really sorry if I woke up, but…the other day, when you offered…” she couldn’t finish the sentence, why couldn’t she finish the sentence? Luckily, she didn’t have to, as Betty grinned and nodded her head back toward the interior of her room.
“Come on in, Red.”
Kate smiled at her, in that beautiful and utterly sincere way that she had, before nearly flying to the bed, and then sitting awkwardly on the side. Betty gestured at her to make herself comfortable, and, once she had, laid next to her. After some maneuvering around, Kate ended up on her side, with Betty behind her. Kate reached back to pull Betty’s arm around her middle, knowing that would make her feel the safest.
“Thank you, Betty,” she whispered sleepily, already drifting off.
“I just hope it works…” Betty whispered back, though mostly to herself, hoping above everything that her friend wouldn’t be tormented anymore that night.
**********
It did work. Kate didn’t have any nightmares that night, and it became a ritual. By the time Russell Joseph made that terrible movie, they spent each night in the same bed, sometimes in Betty’s room, sometimes in Kate’s. Even when Kate did have a whisper of a bad dream, that was all it was, and either Betty woke her up right away, or she pulled Betty’s arm closer to her while still half asleep, and that was enough.
That night, after the movie, Kate lay there next to Betty, feeling content and wishing she could make her friend feel the same. She found herself drifting off, despite her best efforts to stay awake and think of something brilliant to say that would lift Betty’s spirits. She thought maybe she’d succeeded, with her line about how Betty only needed the ones that mattered to like her, since Betty stopped talking soon after.
She felt Betty get up to turn the light off, and then come back to bed, settling in behind her. Kate moved back toward Betty. They were so close that she felt Betty’s breath on the back of her neck, as she let out a small sigh. Kate shivered involuntarily at that, which led Betty to somehow move even closer, and whisper,
“You cold?”
“No,” she whispered back, actively working to not shiver again, as Betty’s lips inadvertently brushed her ear as she asked the question.
This small serious of events meant that Kate was now wide awake, and thinking. She was thinking about what Betty had said a few moments earlier, about wishing she was like other girls. She was thinking how much she loved that Betty wasn’t like them. She wasn’t some vapid, superficial girl focused on make-up and a husband. She was independent, patriotic, and tough as nails, but with the kindest heart Kate had ever known. The more Kate thought about this, the angrier she became at Russell Joseph, for trying to make Betty into something she wasn’t, particularly because it made Betty doubt herself, and feel badly about the life she’d made!
Kate got so worked up about this that she flipped over abruptly, so she was facing Betty. ‘Oh. We are close’, she thought in the moment she had before Betty almost comically flew backward, nearly falling off the bed before Kate caught her and pulled her back, between much gasping, fumbling, and giggling.
“Sorry!” Kate said between laughs. They were both trying to stifle their snickering before they had a neighbor or two bang on the wall and tell them to shut it.
It was a minute before Betty finally caught her breath, and regained her composure, her heart rate slowing after the combined anxiety of suddenly finding Kate’s lips half an inch from hers, and then almost landing on the floor. “What-why did you flip over like that? Lightning speed!””
Kate could see Betty’s smile in the blue moonlight that was seeping through the curtains, and smiled back.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, touching the side of Betty’s face briefly, “I was just thinking. About you.”Kate wasn’t entirely sure how much further she should go in revealing her thoughts. She’d figured out several weeks ago that she loved Betty. Loved Betty in the way she’d always expected to love a man. That was why she was so drawn to her, and why she had been so terrified of that fact. She knew what her father would say about it, and in fact, what most of the world would say about it, but she didn’t much care. It felt right to her, and good, and beautiful, the way she always believed love would feel. Kate believed in herself and her morals enough to know that it meant something if she felt it was right. It meant it was right, no matter what anyone said. She just hoped Betty would believe that too. Gladys had made enough vague comments to Kate, when tipsy, well…smashed, which alluded to the fact that Betty had feelings for Kate, but Kate was still afraid it wasn’t so. How reliable was drunk Gladys? And if Betty didn’t feel the same…well, there was a chance that she could lose this friendship, the most important in her life.
Betty watched Kate in the dim light, seeing various emotions play over her face, and wondering what, exactly, she had been thinking about her.
“You can tell me anything, Kate.”
Kate tangled their hands together before speaking, thinking that telling Betty would be easier if she could physically hold onto her. Maybe then she wouldn’t run away.
“I-“ How to start? “I…like laying here with you, every night.” She was talking quietly, and her words were inadvertently breathy, given that she was nearly hyperventilating. She wanted to make herself less anxious by saying something like ‘Gladys says you like me,’ and putting it on Betty. But she knew that would only cause Betty to panic, and maybe reel back off the bed again.
“Okay,” Betty said, drawing out the word cautiously. She wasn’t sure where this was going. She had a hope as to where, but couldn’t quite believe that would come to pass.
Kate smiled bashfully and broke eye contact. “I’m sorry Betty, I’m not-I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid I’ll lose you if I do.”
“You’ll never lose me, Kate,” Betty answered quickly and definitively, without even thinking before the words were out of her mouth. If she wanted Kate to be sure of anything, it was that.
“Thank you. You’ll never lose me either.” She paused, drawing up all the courage she could, “Betty, I don’t want you to think about Russell Joseph, or about being like any other girls. Well, you can think it if you want to, I suppose, but…just know that there are those of us who see you as you are, and love you as you are. And,” she paused again, taking a deep breath. She hadn’t told spoken any of this aloud before, “well, I’m not like the other girls either. I may look it, and act it, so I fit right in, but that’s just on the outside.”
Betty only just barely got the end of that speech, as she was a tad bit stuck on the ‘love you as you are’ piece. She couldn’t have meant love love, right? She meant friend love. Yup, must have been. Although, the way she was looking at Betty just then? Betty wasn’t a complete dolt. Vera never looked at her like that.
“So,” Betty whispered softly, “what are you like then? The real you,” Betty said this last piece in a playfully sarcastic tone, waggling her eyebrows slightly.
Kate laughed, “I think…in a lot of ways I’m like you,” she bit her lip and then continued, “Betty, when you asked me to be your housemate, and talked about having a place of your own…I don’t know why I made that comment about a husband. That was the last thing I was thinking. I was thinking about you and me,” she stopped and cleared her throat, realizing that she was about to sound like a crazy person, revealing this entire life she had imagined for the two of them together.
“Me and you?” Betty repeated, “Instead of thinking about a husband…you were thinking about you and me.” She said this matter of factly, and almost to herself.
“Yes.”
“Well…so was I.” Betty felt confident enough in what Kate was saying to make her own vague comment, which she could pretend meant nothing if Kate backtracked. But she pretty quickly decided she didn’t have to worry about that, as Kate’s face lit up in what was the most adorable expression Betty thought she had ever seen in her life.
“Really?” Kate felt that she needed to make sure Betty knew what she meant, “Betty, I just want to be clear-I love you. I’m in love with you. You are beautiful, and lovely, and the best friend I’ve ever had, but I want so much more than that. Sometimes I can barely keep my hands off you!”
“Kate!” Betty whispered, laughing, and almost looking scandalized. She had no idea how else to respond. She certainly couldn’t think of a smooth comment while imagining Kate trying to keep her hands off of her.
“Well it’s true!” she said, looking at her in the eye and smiling, before returning to a more serious tone, realizing that Betty hadn’t really acknowledged the rest of what she’d said, “Honestly Betty, that was why I ran away from you that first night you offered to let me sleep with you, next to you. I was afraid. But then I thought-why am I afraid of love? Even if you don’t feel the same, I’m not afraid of how I feel.”
Betty snapped out of her trance, realizing that Kate was still uncertain of how she felt. “Kate,” she shook her head, almost not believing this was real. She actually paused to pinch herself, realizing that the last thing she was sure had happened was her talking about that horrible movie. It hurt. “Kate, of course I feel the same way. I can’t even tell you how much I feel the same-I thought, maybe you knew-I thought I was being obvious, at least Gladys is always telling me I am.”
Kate laughed, “Gladys is one observant girl.”
“That she is. She’s been telling me for weeks that you had feelings for me, but I didn’t believe her,” Betty paused, “Kate, are you sure-“
“Betty, please don’t ask me that question. I’m nothing if not sure. I know my own heart. I don’t care what anyone else says. I don’t care if Russell Joseph thinks we should have husbands and children. There is a war going on, Betty, and we have love. I’m not throwing that away.”
Betty was still wrestling with her own self doubt, that someone as wonderful as Kate would actual love her. But, it would seem to be the case. “You’re something else, Kate Andrews. And I love you for it.”
Kate smiled, before asking the question that had been on her mind for three weeks, “Can I kiss you?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
The end.