(no subject)
"They found something near my collarbone, I am going to talk to the surgeon about a biopsy this Thursday, xx"
I was already afraid of that PET-scan. They don't use a PET if they don't have to. Got quite sick of thinking of the reasoning the doctors may have had for this analysis. Rem came by last Sunday night, to calm me down. Monday was PET day, radioactive glucose day, IV day. They'd let her know in two or 3 weeks.
The next morning -Tuesday, yesterday, they called her to the hospital, they already had results. My stomach turned itself around a few times, but I went to my lectures. Later, a text message. "They found something".
Unable to respond, I tried to put my cell phone away when I noticed I physically wasn't able to. My hands were shaking, my body was shaking. Slowly but surely I started to realize what this meant, what this could mean. Left the lecture, went biking around. Called Remco, called Jobbe. No clue what to do next. How does one deal with this?
Tea with Jobbe. He's saying all those things I don't want to hear but have to hear. "Call her" he said. "You love her, no matter what, so call"
He called it a 'possibly life threatening situation'. And for fuck's sake it was. It is. It's those things you feel, but are afraid to speak of. I called her, later, when I was calmed down. "Shitty news", I said. "Yeah, I'm just scared, you know?" she answered. Yes I was scared too. Horrified, actually. "Yeah" was all I could say.
Remco invited me for tea last night, had a rough night's sleep but feeling better today. I guess all we can do is wait. Wait for the biopsy, wait for the results, wait for the plan of action to get rid of whatever they will find in there.
Shitty news indeed.
I was already afraid of that PET-scan. They don't use a PET if they don't have to. Got quite sick of thinking of the reasoning the doctors may have had for this analysis. Rem came by last Sunday night, to calm me down. Monday was PET day, radioactive glucose day, IV day. They'd let her know in two or 3 weeks.
The next morning -Tuesday, yesterday, they called her to the hospital, they already had results. My stomach turned itself around a few times, but I went to my lectures. Later, a text message. "They found something".
Unable to respond, I tried to put my cell phone away when I noticed I physically wasn't able to. My hands were shaking, my body was shaking. Slowly but surely I started to realize what this meant, what this could mean. Left the lecture, went biking around. Called Remco, called Jobbe. No clue what to do next. How does one deal with this?
Tea with Jobbe. He's saying all those things I don't want to hear but have to hear. "Call her" he said. "You love her, no matter what, so call"
He called it a 'possibly life threatening situation'. And for fuck's sake it was. It is. It's those things you feel, but are afraid to speak of. I called her, later, when I was calmed down. "Shitty news", I said. "Yeah, I'm just scared, you know?" she answered. Yes I was scared too. Horrified, actually. "Yeah" was all I could say.
Remco invited me for tea last night, had a rough night's sleep but feeling better today. I guess all we can do is wait. Wait for the biopsy, wait for the results, wait for the plan of action to get rid of whatever they will find in there.
Shitty news indeed.