You are what you love
"You are what you love, not what loves you" - Charlie Kaufman
I've spent I don't know *how* many hours contemplating this.
It seems to hold so much truth.. Love can indeed be one-sided, or not; but the point is that this does not matter. It does not form you, it does not form the love.
Loving someone is a personal thing, and is, or should be, separate from the rest. It is not about how your love is expressed, or how it is received. It is not about any of these external elements. Love is. Period. And love ought to stay that way. No matter what changes in the external love (expression, feedback, hormones, emotions), in your emotional state of being, in that of the other.. the love should remain of the same nature. It is you loving someone, the core of someone. It it not sharing love; there is no such thing.
In loving relationships, both subjects have their own love for the other. And indeed, indeed this feels better, indeed this seems to be a positive thing. That your love is answered. But that is a different type of love, a perhaps more shallow (though highly emotional) type of love.
But having said this (and I genuinely believe this to be true) I noticed once more I can't always practice what I preach. "I find it difficult to love you" are words that I have heard before, but hit me again as if it were the first time. I did not ask for love, did not need it, did not even expect it. But still, this hurt. It almost seemed to touch that part of me that contains my love for this person. How can this be? I shouldn't allow this. Rejection or failure has nothing to do with love. Why is it in my way? But in the end, I know I do not profoundly love this person either. Maybe that's the problem here. It is not (yet) set apart from the rest. It might, later on. Let's give this some time.
I've spent I don't know *how* many hours contemplating this.
It seems to hold so much truth.. Love can indeed be one-sided, or not; but the point is that this does not matter. It does not form you, it does not form the love.
Loving someone is a personal thing, and is, or should be, separate from the rest. It is not about how your love is expressed, or how it is received. It is not about any of these external elements. Love is. Period. And love ought to stay that way. No matter what changes in the external love (expression, feedback, hormones, emotions), in your emotional state of being, in that of the other.. the love should remain of the same nature. It is you loving someone, the core of someone. It it not sharing love; there is no such thing.
In loving relationships, both subjects have their own love for the other. And indeed, indeed this feels better, indeed this seems to be a positive thing. That your love is answered. But that is a different type of love, a perhaps more shallow (though highly emotional) type of love.
But having said this (and I genuinely believe this to be true) I noticed once more I can't always practice what I preach. "I find it difficult to love you" are words that I have heard before, but hit me again as if it were the first time. I did not ask for love, did not need it, did not even expect it. But still, this hurt. It almost seemed to touch that part of me that contains my love for this person. How can this be? I shouldn't allow this. Rejection or failure has nothing to do with love. Why is it in my way? But in the end, I know I do not profoundly love this person either. Maybe that's the problem here. It is not (yet) set apart from the rest. It might, later on. Let's give this some time.