BSG FIC: Not So Bachelor Mother
BSG Fic-Title: Not So Bachelor Mother
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season Two and Three at most
Summary: Sam finds Kara during the escape from New Caprica with a slightly younger bundle of joy. How does that change their lives?
This might be finished or might lead to more. I'm not sure yet. Fair warning!
Kara shifted the wrapped up baby in her arms a little higher. She was whimpering, which probably meant she was hungry, but the bottles the Cylon had brought her had all been left on the surface in the mad rush to escape. Oh well, she thought grimly, she'd escaped now and she’d figure out something to do with the infant. She certainly wasn't keeping her. Whether Leoben had told her the truth or not, she wasn't cut out to be a mother! Certainly not of this very tiny baby. She was afraid she’d hurt her just by holding her wrong.
Sam sat down beside her on the crowded Raptor floor and reached out to stroke her arm with an alarmingly soft look in his eyes. "Kara, I'm so glad you're ok. Gods, I've been working on getting you the hell out of there every frakkin' day--I had no idea, sweetheart. What did you name--I don't even know if we have a boy or girl!" He reached towards her, as if he wanted to hug her, but Kara leaned away. She wasn’t big on touching at the moment, not after spending months trapped with Leoben.
“We have a baby,” Sam said, his tone thrilled and his eyes fixed on the bundle in her arms.
Kara blinked at him in disbelief and didn't say anything for a moment. Stupid man, she thought with what she knew was an irrational amount of rage, did he think she'd been pregnant when she'd been captured? He must. When he reached out and tugged the blanket away from Kacey's face and cooed at her, stroking her cheek with his finger, Kara shoved back against the wall of the ship and glared at him.
"No," she said firmly, "we're not a family. Sorry! I'm not anyone's mother. I told Leoben that and I'm telling you."
Sam's expression shifted and he gave her a concerned look.
"I know we agreed we wouldn't have kids right away, Kara, but she's here now. Nothing we can do about that. We knew we were taking chances sometimes with the limited condom supply. The last few months musta been frakkin' rough on your own with that bastard! I'm glad he got you good medical care at least."
Sam lifted his hands, showing he wouldn't touch them again without permission. "I'm here now though. Everything’s gonna be ok. Let me help."
"You wanna help? That's great, Sammy. Where were you all those months I was trapped with him?" Kara said bitterly. "You have no idea what it was like." The baby wailed thinly at the tension in her voice and turned her head blindly to root at the curve of Kara's breast.
"I kept trying. No one knew where he was keeping you," Sam said softly. "I can’t believe I almost left her with him-no wonder you were so desperate to go back. I--I wanna make it up to both of you. Can I hold my baby, Kara?" He held out his big hands and slipped one under the baby's head.
"She's not yours!" Kara snapped, pushing at his shoulder to get him to back up. She wanted to lash out and hurt him. She wasn't even sure why. With a patient sigh, he moved back again, but only a couple of inches, not nearly as far as she wanted for breathing room.
"I know she's yours, Kara. Don't worry, I don't want to take her away. I shoulda said ours," Sam said in a tone that sounded like he was humoring her, Kara noticed, feeling the rage inside her growing. "So, we have a little girl? She's so tiny." He gave them a very sweet smile, his eyes shining with gratitude and love.
"Did the Cylon threaten to take her away from you? Bastard--I'm glad you killed him. You're both safe now," he kept up a one sided conversation as they approached the Galactica. He didn’t seem to expect her to respond. The Raptor landed with a hard jolt on the deck. Kara was thrown against Sam, who caught and held both of them easily, as she cursed the stupid nugget who was flying.
Most of the other people were all ready scrambling out of the Raptor before they got to the hatch. Sam tried to scoop her up in his arms and Kara had shoved him away. "I can frakkin' walk," she snarled at him with a glare that caused him to back away sadly.
"Ok, Kara, calm down," he said.
When she got to the steps on the edge of the wing though, she wasn't sure about climbing down with the weight of the baby in her arms. Sam had jumped off himself and he put his hands on her waist and lifted her down to the deck before she could react. He left his hands there as the crowds of people shouted and celebrated around them. "You're home," he told her.
The Chief walked by and did a double take at the sight of Kara. "Captain! I thought you were dead," he said with a grin. "Who's this then?" He took a closer look at the still fussing baby in her arms.
Kara started to answer him. Somehow, his interest in the baby was easier to respond to than Sam’s possessive delight. “This is . . .” She was about to say my daughter, but Sam spoke before she could finish, his arm around her shoulders.
Sam grinned at his friend and said, "I had to ask that myself. Meet our little girl! Isn’t she beautiful?"
Kara groaned and closed her eyes for a moment, sandwiched between the two tall men and didn't notice the blond refugee walking past her. What the hell was she gonna do here? She didn’t want to particularly keep this kid and her emotions about her were a jumbled mess. It probably won’t be healthy for Kacey if she put it on record that the Cylon was her father and she didn’t even know if that was the truth. Nor did she want everyone knowing about the medical experiments they’d preformed on her. Bad enough everyone would know he’d held her prisoner for months and she hadn’t been able to escape without telling them he’d forced her to play house with him, complete with a baby he’d grown in some sick test tube.
What if she was her daughter? The only good thing she’d managed to do for her was get her away from the Cylon. There hadn’t been any time to figure out a plan when she went back for her, but overall Kara thought the best thing to do with her whether she was her daughter or not was turn her over to the orphan ship. There were couples in the fleet who’d be thrilled to adopt a healthy infant, as long as they didn’t have any idea she might be half Cylon. No takers if that little fact got out, Kara thought frantically. She’d never imagined that Sam would so eagerly conclude that this was their baby and she had a feeling he wouldn’t agree to adoption easily, unless she told him the whole story.
She glanced up at his smiling face as he talked to the Chief and felt hysterical laughter building. They’d had unprotected sex many times and then been apart for months. When he found her with a newborn, he assumed she was their child. How stupid of him not to know it was a Toaster trick instead! Gods, her life was fraked up! She laughed to herself and Sam looked down and hugged her shoulders tighter as Tyrol congratulated them one more time and went off in search of his own family.
“Feeling better, baby?” he asked softly as the crowd carried the Old Man by on their shoulders. “Guess we should try to find somewhere to stay. It’s gonna be pretty crowded. We left a lot of ships on the surface.” With a shrug and a nod, Kara agreed. She was so tired. There was time to explain to him how this was all a big mistake and not their baby to keep when they had some privacy.
Her half explanation didn’t go over well once she gave it to him a few hours later in the slight privacy of her old rack. The room was packed with people and only a thin curtain shut out their noise. The lights were dim as people tried to sleep and recover from the trauma of the day. It was even more crowded than before with the baby there as well. Kara wasn’t sure how something so small could take up so much room, but somehow she did. Sam pissed her off when the baby wailed with hunger and woke them up after they’d managed only a couple of hours sleep.
“Gonna feed her?” he asked drowsily.
“I gotta have something to feed her first, moron,” Kara hissed back.
“Huh? Can’t you just- y’know.” He brushed his palm over one of her breasts and Kara felt sick with rage and nausea.
“No,” she said tightly, “I can’t. Go and get some milk substitute from the mess hall.” He patted her in a consoling way and rolled out of bed and went without arguing at least and even been eager to feed Kacey himself when he returned, proud of himself for having tracked down a bottle as well. So, Kara had tried to turn her back on them in the limited space and get some sleep. He was whispering to Kacey though and his loving babble made her feel guilty.
“Look, Sam, don’t get so attached. She’s not ours. We’re not gonna keep her,” she told him bluntly.
He looked up at her in shock and shook his head. “What’re you saying, Kara? Of course we are. I know you didn’t want kids and you’ve been through hell, but we can’t just get rid of her. Just go to sleep. Things’ll look better when you’ve slept. I’m here to help you now.”
Her frustration grew at each of his well meaning responses. “You’re not listening to me, Sam,” she hissed. “I’m not a mother-and I’m not her mother! So, save the fraking guilt trip, ok? There’s nothing wrong with me not keeping her.”
“Why are you saying this? You told me she was our daughter when I found you,” Sam said with concern. “Why are you denying her? Tell me what happened to you while you were gone.”
“No, I didn’t-I said she was my daughter and-“ Kara glared at him., exhausted and unable to talk about what had happened to her. “I don’t hafta explain. It sucked and I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m just really angry right now, Sam, ok? I wanna hurt someone and it might as well be you or her. So, I’m gonna fly again and I don’t have time for a baby, especially one that’s not even mine! It’s my decision and I’ve made it. What the hell is wrong with you that you can’t comprehend what I’m saying?”
“She’s my daughter too and I’m not getting rid of her, no matter how upset you are right now,” Sam said calmly. “I thought flying was part of your past, that you wanted to settle on the planet with me. It was bad, I get that. I understand you’re angry. Anyone would be, but that’s not our daughter’s fault. I can take care of her for now, while you get some things figured out. That’s fine, just talk to me, Kara. We can work this out together. I’ll be as patient as you need.”
“That was before. I’m not the same now-you can’t understand. Anyways, I’m talking-you’re not listening. She’s not our baby or your baby!”
“This is insane. If you think I’m gonna agree to give her away because you say she’s not mine. . .”
He stiffened then and gave her a disbelieving look. “Do you mean I’m not the father? This is frakked up---Who should we have tested then? As if I didn’t know all ready. Forget it, Kara. I’m not agreeing to any adoption. As your husband, I’m the father, unless you’re willing to name someone else and prove it. Cottle can test her and we’ll see. Ready to name someone else? That what you want?”
“No, Frak! I’m not saying I slept with someone else. I don’t-I didn’t break my vows,” Kara hissed at him, once again splitting hairs regarding the timing of her marriage vows. She hadn’t even seen Lee and she certainly hadn’t looked at anyone else since their marriage that morning on the planet.
“I’m saying she’s not your baby or mine. I did NOT give birth to her, Sam. Is that clear enough for you?” she snapped.
“What kinda weird game is this? Where’d she come from then? Did Demeter bring her to you in a pretty basket? Gods, you’re losing your mind, Kara.” The angry expression on his face faded and he looked remorseful. With a sigh, he reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear, skillfully juggling the now sleeping baby in the crook of his other arm.
“Shit, I’m sorry. You’ve been through something horrible. I can’t even imagine. Of course you’re confused. I can-I’ll give you time and space, if that’s what you need, Kara. Just don’t deny our daughter and lock her out of your heart. It isn’t her fault she was born at such a bad time. Will you try at least? We can go see the doc in the morning, ok?”
“So, now I’m fraking crazy, huh? Asshole,” Kara snarled. “I’ve told you the truth. Gods, I’m sick of you. I’m outta here.” She shoved past him, despite his protests, and went for a long walk through the crowded and familiar hallways of the battlestar to keep from punching her well meaning and stupid husband in the face.
It was good to have enough space to actually move again, after all those months trapped in the small apartment. Though she wasn’t in good enough shape to run at her old pace, she discovered with disgust. Well, that was one of the most easily fixed of her problems at least. It took several laps before she’d calmed down enough to even consider her options about the rest.
Should she trust Sam with the truth about the Cylon being Kacey’s father? Was that even the truth? Did she want her tested to find out for sure? Could Cottle even perform such a test reliably? Would Kacey be safe if her Hybrid status was known? Helo’s baby hadn’t lived long after birth and she’d heard ugly rumors about how the baby had died and what might have happened to her over the months since then. Shit, Kara thought bitterly, as eager as Sam seemed to be a daddy he might want to keep her even if she was a Toaster!
He wasn’t gonna let her do get rid of the baby while he thought he was the father. Would he take her away then so she wasn’t stuck with her? She’d given up so much to save Kacey. She had to make sure she had a decent life or it would’ve all been for nothing, but she didn’t know if she could stand to see her or take care of her, at least not right now. She couldn’t give her a good life. Maybe Sam would do that for her. That’d mean losing him though and Kara didn’t want to be married right now, but she didn’t want to lose Sam either. She felt another surge of helpless rage as she remembered Leoben forcing her to say she loved him and kissing her, dominating her, before he would give her daughter to her.
Could she explain to Sam that Kacey was just somebody else’s baby that Leoben had forced her to care for? That she was angry about it and that the infant was clearly not their child to keep? But he still might want to keep her or have her tested to figure out who her parents were, which lead right back to Kacey being in danger, Kara thought wearily. She was close to her old quarters again on her fifth circuit of the ship and no closer to a solution. Though she still wanted to kick Sam’s ass for thinking she was losing her mind. Who the hell did he think he was? With a bitter laugh, she thought she wasn’t too far from it though, drifting around practically talking to herself in the middle of the fraking night!
Letting herself back into the crowed quarters, she squeezed past another pilot and stepped over someone sleeping on the floor to get to her rack and pulled back the curtain. Sam was sleeping on his back and the baby was curled on his chest sleeping peacefully on her stomach. His big hand was cupping almost her whole body. Frustrated, Kara stood still and stared at them for a moment and then lay down beside them. She was careful not to touch him, even though there was very little room on the narrow rack.
Shit, she might be stuck, at least for awhile, she thought drowsily. In the morning, she’d think of something to tell him other than the humiliating and frightening truth that she had no intention of telling anyone. In the meantime, Sam could have fun playing daddy. It suited him a hell of a lot better than Mommy had suited her. She curled closer to him and Sam put his arm around her as she relaxed into sleep.
It wasn’t easy, but somehow they managed to settle into something that seemed almost-routine. Kara often felt she was going to explode from rage and stress left over from her time in the fake house with Leoben. As time passed, it got easier to deal with and she had to admit that it wasn’t all bad, sharing the tiny room they’d been assigned with Sam and the little girl. When she was about to lose it, she went for a run or hit the heavy bag or sometimes the bottle, though she went to find an empty rack to sleep in on those nights. She had an unspoken understanding with Sam that he’d take care of the baby at those times, since they’d kept her after all. While she wouldn’t come right out and say it, most of the time, she didn’t mind having Kacey around and it was kinda cute how much Sam adored her. The difficult times were getting further and further apart.
In the end, she had decided that it was better to just keep her mouth shut. When wasn’t that the right choice after all? So, when Sam questioned her the next day about her middle of the night ranting, she just shrugged and said, “I was freaking out-ok? Don’t worry about it. I’m flying though. That’s the deal.”
Sam had smiled and hugged her. “Ok, sure, that’s fine. I can find something to do to make myself useful around here. I bet Tyrol would find me a job if I asked him.” He wasn’t thrilled to live on Galactica, but having his wife back and his daughter seemed to make a lot of things worthwhile. Kara managed to avoid taking Kacey to see Doc Cottle, just in case, telling Sam she was doing fine and growing, which she was.
Kacey had learned to sit up on her own and was making noises, including one Sam swore was Daddy, a few months later. Sam was bragging about it to Cally when Lee led his strike team onto the hanger deck. They were back from an infected Cylon ship and had a party of Cylon prisoners. One of them was a Leoben model and he said it was fate when he saw Sam standing there. Kara had more colorful words when they discussed it later.