things.
I am still alive. which, I suppose, given my current context, I probably shouldn't say, but there you are. I still have no diagnosis - the biopsy they did of the unusual mass in my colon showed no definite cancer, which is very good, however I am still sicker than I ever have been in my life, and my doctors seem quite convinced that I have some sort of cancer somewhere, it's just a matter of where it might be.
I have had a full-body bone scan (which was the most awful thing in the history of ever, claustrophobic me stuck immobile - taped into place - in this revolving-camera box for half an hour at a time over three hours), two CT scans, and at some point am supposed to have more ultrasound, although that hasn't been scheduled yet. I meet with the oncologist for the first time on July 6th, and alex is being a saint and coming up that week to hold my hand through that discussion.
I sleep approximately 18 hours a day, because I have no energy at all, because I can't keep any food and only a limited amount of fluids down. frozen bottles of water, vitamin water, and very diluted fruit juice seem to be keeping me going, along with freezies. I've gone from that chick who hadn't thrown up in 13 years to one who does it approximately 3 times a day, and despite that, I look like I'm 10 months pregnant. I consider this deeply unfair, people. I should at least be rocking the heroin chicness.
all is not doom and gloom though. I have amazing friends, including nafs, bachelor_girl, and, of course, my BBF4LYFE alexandriabrown, each of whom have sacrified their weekends to come up and look after me. which is so exciting, when one sleeps 18 hours a day, let me tell you. I couldn't have made it through without any of them, though, and although I'm not exactly keeping up with lj very well, I have very much appreciated the good wishes and positive vibes that have come my way. I am looking forward to a time when I can pay them all forward.
and that's the state of me. stuck in limbo, sick and tired, but getting along. xing off the calendar dates between now and the 6th, even though what I might hear absolutely terrifies me. at least it will be nice to know _something_.