wow.
it's been a week with alex, doing very little other than running some necessary errands and spending a lot of time in the hotel, just talking and being together and sucking up the a/c. we went to the mothership yesterday and I got to ride one of their electric carts, and can I just say those things kick ass? it was so fun! and I totally didn't run into anyone or knock anything over, so that was win.
last night we went to the community grad at my work. I was so glad to go - we had the traditional turkey dinner and everyone made alex feel super-welcome (as we do), and then we stayed for the entire ceremony. I was able to eat some dinner, which was amazing, since I have only just started to feel well enough to attempt solid food (been on a liquid diet for most of the past two weeks, plus meds). I had some turkey, corn, stuffing, and a bit of mashed - not a whole lot, but damn did it feel good to _chew_. and everything stayed down! this is also a new event for me, so that was sort of rocking. the ceremony was great, as always, and then I stayed a little bit afterwards so I could talk to my boss and my friend D., and let them know what's going on with me. it was sad - my boss nearly made me cry, but I let them know that I was keeping positive until I have some sort of definitive diagnosis (the doctors are quite sure it's cancer, but the mass they biopsied is atypical, so I'm still waiting to hear what's going to be next steps). so, I got that out of the way, which was good.
had a bad night - my stomach acts up the worst when I lay down, and I was up for about five hours last night tossing and turning before I could sleep - although when I did, I really slept like the dead for about six hours. then we had more errands to run - gas and mail pick-up and transferring all of my stuff from the hotel to my house, since Fiona is coming to visit tonight and staying with alex at the hotel. then we went to my work so I could pick up the paperwork to start my short-term disability claim, and picked up a cheque from my other job. then we had an absolutely _beautiful_ sunny arrangement of flowers from placidia to pick up in Avriltown, then we headed to Kingston to have brunch at Denny's and go to the movies! I think I will be eating my leftovers for about three days - their pancakes are as big as my head, but they were so good.
we, of course, went to see "The A-Team." everyone absolutely _kicked ass_ - Liam and Bradley and Sharlto and Rampage were all awesome, there was a ton of action and shit blowing up, and it was just _fun_. it was silly and funny and the sort of movie that had the best possible references to the source material, without being pandery or snarky. everyone was obviously having a ton of fun, and it really came across. I'm so glad I got to see it. :)
then, immediately after the movie, my get-up-and-go completely deserted me. I was so tired I nearly fell asleep on the way home, but I managed to keep my eyes open until alex dropped me off. I'm about to crawl into bed and crash - I can't believe I made it to 8pm!
that's been the hardest thing to deal with - I have no energy whatsoever. I can walk maybe 30 feet without being absolutely out of breath, and a flight of stairs completely kicks my ass. but I'm getting good at spotting benches when I'm out, and I'm trying to work on strengthening my breathing so I can try and do a little bit more, a little bit at a time. I am absolutely not pushing myself, and I'm getting great at multi-tasking - having bags around so I can make one trip instead of three, finding the shortest distances to go, etc. it's weird dealing with being an invalid when I've been so (relatively) healthy for such a long time. like I told one of my doctors, a month ago I could push-mow the hill on my lawn for an hour without being out of breath (hot and sweaty, yes, but not breathless), and now I can barely handle a flight of stairs. I think that's the hardest thing to take, honestly. even going to the bathroom is a big deal, and I used to take it, and so many other things, so much for granted.
finally, this should really have its own post, but I just have to talk about how incredibly amazing alex has been all week. not only did she take one look at my "I'm scared, can you come?" text and immediately arrange to take vacation time off work and come stay with me, but she's done absolutely everything for me this week. she's done all of the driving, she's fetched and carried for me, she's helped with my meds, she's picked up stuff that I've dropped on the floor, she's gone to get me drinks and snacks that I thought I might be able to keep down, and she's just been there, keeping my spirits up, offering hugs and support, talking me through the tough nights, making me nap when I'm tired, and not ever complaining for one second about how weak and needy I've been, even when I've absolutely frozen her at night by cranking the a/c because I get so hot and uncomfortable. there's also the "little matter" of the care package that she brought for me, full of books and dvds and a portable dvd player that I will be able to take into the hospital with me so I don't go completely insane. there has not been one thing that I have asked of her this week that she has refused, no matter how small or large or stupid or embarrassing, and I absolutely could not have made it through this week without her unwavering support and unconditional love. she is the best friend I could ever, ever imagine having, and I am so lucky to have her in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am endlessly grateful.
*hugs alex x infinity*
now, bed for me.
last night we went to the community grad at my work. I was so glad to go - we had the traditional turkey dinner and everyone made alex feel super-welcome (as we do), and then we stayed for the entire ceremony. I was able to eat some dinner, which was amazing, since I have only just started to feel well enough to attempt solid food (been on a liquid diet for most of the past two weeks, plus meds). I had some turkey, corn, stuffing, and a bit of mashed - not a whole lot, but damn did it feel good to _chew_. and everything stayed down! this is also a new event for me, so that was sort of rocking. the ceremony was great, as always, and then I stayed a little bit afterwards so I could talk to my boss and my friend D., and let them know what's going on with me. it was sad - my boss nearly made me cry, but I let them know that I was keeping positive until I have some sort of definitive diagnosis (the doctors are quite sure it's cancer, but the mass they biopsied is atypical, so I'm still waiting to hear what's going to be next steps). so, I got that out of the way, which was good.
had a bad night - my stomach acts up the worst when I lay down, and I was up for about five hours last night tossing and turning before I could sleep - although when I did, I really slept like the dead for about six hours. then we had more errands to run - gas and mail pick-up and transferring all of my stuff from the hotel to my house, since Fiona is coming to visit tonight and staying with alex at the hotel. then we went to my work so I could pick up the paperwork to start my short-term disability claim, and picked up a cheque from my other job. then we had an absolutely _beautiful_ sunny arrangement of flowers from placidia to pick up in Avriltown, then we headed to Kingston to have brunch at Denny's and go to the movies! I think I will be eating my leftovers for about three days - their pancakes are as big as my head, but they were so good.
we, of course, went to see "The A-Team." everyone absolutely _kicked ass_ - Liam and Bradley and Sharlto and Rampage were all awesome, there was a ton of action and shit blowing up, and it was just _fun_. it was silly and funny and the sort of movie that had the best possible references to the source material, without being pandery or snarky. everyone was obviously having a ton of fun, and it really came across. I'm so glad I got to see it. :)
then, immediately after the movie, my get-up-and-go completely deserted me. I was so tired I nearly fell asleep on the way home, but I managed to keep my eyes open until alex dropped me off. I'm about to crawl into bed and crash - I can't believe I made it to 8pm!
that's been the hardest thing to deal with - I have no energy whatsoever. I can walk maybe 30 feet without being absolutely out of breath, and a flight of stairs completely kicks my ass. but I'm getting good at spotting benches when I'm out, and I'm trying to work on strengthening my breathing so I can try and do a little bit more, a little bit at a time. I am absolutely not pushing myself, and I'm getting great at multi-tasking - having bags around so I can make one trip instead of three, finding the shortest distances to go, etc. it's weird dealing with being an invalid when I've been so (relatively) healthy for such a long time. like I told one of my doctors, a month ago I could push-mow the hill on my lawn for an hour without being out of breath (hot and sweaty, yes, but not breathless), and now I can barely handle a flight of stairs. I think that's the hardest thing to take, honestly. even going to the bathroom is a big deal, and I used to take it, and so many other things, so much for granted.
finally, this should really have its own post, but I just have to talk about how incredibly amazing alex has been all week. not only did she take one look at my "I'm scared, can you come?" text and immediately arrange to take vacation time off work and come stay with me, but she's done absolutely everything for me this week. she's done all of the driving, she's fetched and carried for me, she's helped with my meds, she's picked up stuff that I've dropped on the floor, she's gone to get me drinks and snacks that I thought I might be able to keep down, and she's just been there, keeping my spirits up, offering hugs and support, talking me through the tough nights, making me nap when I'm tired, and not ever complaining for one second about how weak and needy I've been, even when I've absolutely frozen her at night by cranking the a/c because I get so hot and uncomfortable. there's also the "little matter" of the care package that she brought for me, full of books and dvds and a portable dvd player that I will be able to take into the hospital with me so I don't go completely insane. there has not been one thing that I have asked of her this week that she has refused, no matter how small or large or stupid or embarrassing, and I absolutely could not have made it through this week without her unwavering support and unconditional love. she is the best friend I could ever, ever imagine having, and I am so lucky to have her in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am endlessly grateful.
*hugs alex x infinity*
now, bed for me.