see that girl, watch that scene, dig it the drama queen. . .
I had last week off work as a consequence of being in the hospital until Wednesday, and I sort of assumed that I'd be able to fully recover from the stomach crud that I was experiencing in the next four days and be able to turn to my job. However, as the days passed it became increasingly obvious that I wasn't getting better - I wasn't perceptibly _worse_, but I still had stomach pains, I was constipated as fuck, and I just felt _awful_. So, come sunday night, I headed back to Emerg.
another night there, another round of x-rays, more fluids in ivs, a CT scan, a visit from four doctors, lots of blood and urine workups, and Monday around noonish the doctor on duty came to my cubicle and told me that a mass showed up on my CT and they're pretty sure I have cancer.
in her defense she did offer to wait to talk to me until I had someone with me, but tracking down my family is impossible at the best of times, and frankly at that point I just wanted to know wtf was going on. so, yeah. I sat there and had a bit of a breakdown and then asked for the phone so I could call someone. you know, _anyone_.
didn't get a hold of my dad or stepmother or my brother, of course, so I pulled out the Forbidden Cell Phone and texted alex and Fiona. Fiona, bless her, was there, so I got to drop my bomb on her head - it wasn't even that I needed to tell someone as I needed there to be someone I knew who knew, if that makes any sense. until I got the text back from her, the world didn't exist somehow.
so, I got admitted again, because they wanted to do a colonoscopy. last night was all about fluids, antibiotics, morphine (WHICH IS AWESOME), and gravol, with very little sleep. I was able to sleep most of this morning, and the bulk of the afternoon, since they didn't take me for my scope until just before 3.
now about colonoscopies: if you have never had one and you should? GO GET ONE. a) the drugs they gave me were fucking amazing (like the scene from "The Losers" where they tranq the Army paramedics? yeah, like that), and b) it didn't hurt at all. (the surprise endoscopy SUCKED though.) they did a biopsy and then sent me back to my room, and I was all prepared to be stuck there for a few more days when my doctor came in and basically said, "When do you want to go home?"
they need to examine the biopsied tissue and then the oncologist will call and we'll set up an appointment and decide where to go from there. the doctor said that due to my age and (hopefully) having caught things early they expect my treatment to be aggressive, so, you know. I'm sort of sitting here wondering what my hair will grow back as after chemo.
"here" is at the Best Western in Belleville with alex, since my text to her yesterday was "can you come up? they think it's cancer" whereupon she took this week off and came up. so I'm sucking up air conditioning and beds with lots of pillows and my bff, who is the bestest ever. also still the best is Fiona, who sent flowers, called, and is coming to visit this weekend on basically no notice.
I'm weak, I'm tired, I'm bruised everywhere, I'm bleeding like a stuck pig from nearly orifice because of all of the Heparin they shot me up with (including the injection site!), I'm bloated, and basically I am being a whiny bitch all over alex because she's awesome and I can.
and I have cancer.
ETA: I am also now on, among other things, Spencer Reid drugs! I look forward to overcoming my inevitable addiction to dilaudid sometime in the future. hopefully, Shemar Moore will be my boyfriend and eat my jello. :D
another night there, another round of x-rays, more fluids in ivs, a CT scan, a visit from four doctors, lots of blood and urine workups, and Monday around noonish the doctor on duty came to my cubicle and told me that a mass showed up on my CT and they're pretty sure I have cancer.
in her defense she did offer to wait to talk to me until I had someone with me, but tracking down my family is impossible at the best of times, and frankly at that point I just wanted to know wtf was going on. so, yeah. I sat there and had a bit of a breakdown and then asked for the phone so I could call someone. you know, _anyone_.
didn't get a hold of my dad or stepmother or my brother, of course, so I pulled out the Forbidden Cell Phone and texted alex and Fiona. Fiona, bless her, was there, so I got to drop my bomb on her head - it wasn't even that I needed to tell someone as I needed there to be someone I knew who knew, if that makes any sense. until I got the text back from her, the world didn't exist somehow.
so, I got admitted again, because they wanted to do a colonoscopy. last night was all about fluids, antibiotics, morphine (WHICH IS AWESOME), and gravol, with very little sleep. I was able to sleep most of this morning, and the bulk of the afternoon, since they didn't take me for my scope until just before 3.
now about colonoscopies: if you have never had one and you should? GO GET ONE. a) the drugs they gave me were fucking amazing (like the scene from "The Losers" where they tranq the Army paramedics? yeah, like that), and b) it didn't hurt at all. (the surprise endoscopy SUCKED though.) they did a biopsy and then sent me back to my room, and I was all prepared to be stuck there for a few more days when my doctor came in and basically said, "When do you want to go home?"
they need to examine the biopsied tissue and then the oncologist will call and we'll set up an appointment and decide where to go from there. the doctor said that due to my age and (hopefully) having caught things early they expect my treatment to be aggressive, so, you know. I'm sort of sitting here wondering what my hair will grow back as after chemo.
"here" is at the Best Western in Belleville with alex, since my text to her yesterday was "can you come up? they think it's cancer" whereupon she took this week off and came up. so I'm sucking up air conditioning and beds with lots of pillows and my bff, who is the bestest ever. also still the best is Fiona, who sent flowers, called, and is coming to visit this weekend on basically no notice.
I'm weak, I'm tired, I'm bruised everywhere, I'm bleeding like a stuck pig from nearly orifice because of all of the Heparin they shot me up with (including the injection site!), I'm bloated, and basically I am being a whiny bitch all over alex because she's awesome and I can.
and I have cancer.
ETA: I am also now on, among other things, Spencer Reid drugs! I look forward to overcoming my inevitable addiction to dilaudid sometime in the future. hopefully, Shemar Moore will be my boyfriend and eat my jello. :D