Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err...
I need a new cell phone so bad. I can't believe I've gone this long without one. With no cell phone and no internet in my room, I almost don't feel like a part of the modern world. Until I get that insatiable craving for McDonald's - not because the greasy addiction plagues me, but for the Best Buy bucks on the fries.
I adopt little pieces of people's personalities. I wonder if it's healthy. I've been in the midst of that inner debate for years, though.
I've been having some really good, sound, healthy dreams. But I also have a lot of dreams where I unknowingly cheat on Alex, then remember I'm with him, and that's a deep dark guilt feeling that comes kind of out of nowhere.
I'm a little sick of people thinking I'm a silly stoner. I don't like people underestimating me. Maybe I'd be more comfortable with it if I could exploit them for it, abuse the power it gives me over them. I can't do that, though - I truly don't know how.
I keep getting these weird injuries. Cuts, mostly, all over my legs. I can sometimes identify their causes, but not always. I like it. It makes me think there's more going on in my life than I'm aware of, and that comforts me. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
I'm getting really used to not sleeping alone, and to holding hands in the car wherever I go. It's a little odd to step back into a world not completely filled with physical affection and cheeks sore from smiling. But, however pleasant and however sorely needed, this world is a lot of work. I'm realizing that now. Realizing just how much work this thing is going to be... but that's okay. Because this time, I won't be the only one working. And that makes all the difference.
I adopt little pieces of people's personalities. I wonder if it's healthy. I've been in the midst of that inner debate for years, though.
I've been having some really good, sound, healthy dreams. But I also have a lot of dreams where I unknowingly cheat on Alex, then remember I'm with him, and that's a deep dark guilt feeling that comes kind of out of nowhere.
I'm a little sick of people thinking I'm a silly stoner. I don't like people underestimating me. Maybe I'd be more comfortable with it if I could exploit them for it, abuse the power it gives me over them. I can't do that, though - I truly don't know how.
I keep getting these weird injuries. Cuts, mostly, all over my legs. I can sometimes identify their causes, but not always. I like it. It makes me think there's more going on in my life than I'm aware of, and that comforts me. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
I'm getting really used to not sleeping alone, and to holding hands in the car wherever I go. It's a little odd to step back into a world not completely filled with physical affection and cheeks sore from smiling. But, however pleasant and however sorely needed, this world is a lot of work. I'm realizing that now. Realizing just how much work this thing is going to be... but that's okay. Because this time, I won't be the only one working. And that makes all the difference.