come on... steal me...
The internet is my room is out. It's more of a pain than I thought it would be. I haven't done anything about it yet, though. I'm dumb.
I haven't had a phone for about three weeks. My parents flipped out a little on me, for being out of touch so long. My dad said some harsh shit. He has this gift of accusing me of something I do at the only time I'm not doing it. It's endlessly frustrating. It will be okay, though. I'll get a phone soon, from Alex.
This weekend there's a Halloween party here at my apartment. It will be boss.
We were talking, the other day, half-jokingly, of leaving. What if I just decided I was living it wrong? What if I wanted a change? A big change. Would I be able to do it? What resources do I have available? What would I do if I could do anything? Where would I go? Who would I take with me, who would I leave? It was the first time I'd ever seriously considered running away.
It's not that I feel unhappy or dissatisfied with my life... but it doesn't feel wholly right, either. I keep reassuring myself that it's just a transitional period for everyone, that I'm not supposed to feel settled yet. Then I wonder if my whole life will be spent reassuring myself that it's okay not to live exactly the way I want to. That it's what everybody does. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
please don't change, please don't break
the only thing that seems to work at all is you
I sometimes wish I could quit school. But what would I do, where would I go? I don't think I want a job... or do I? I'm so unsure. I could move back to Rowlett, but I'd miss Emily and Jenna and JJ terribly. My lease doesn't run out officially til July 06, but if I knew what I wanted to do that could be taken care of. And I could not move back in with my parents. I'm too far gone for that, now. I need more freedom than that. So I'd have to find another place. Should I switch schools, maybe? Maybe it's UNT that doesn't fit me. A lot of people transfer, and are a lot happier. I already have connections here, but not that many. I haven't impressed anyone here, I don't stand out.
I could go on for hours. It's an endless loop of thought in my mind... what to do? What's wrong? How can I fix it? I dull it with friends and drugs and TV, or I throw myself into my schoolwork. I wish I could exercise my stress away, like some people do. Then I wouldn't be so fat. But that's a total other loop.
I guess I have a lot on my mind. I feel like something just behind my vision is getting bigger and bigger, just waiting to pop out of the wings and present itself as the great dilemma of my life.
i wish the real world would just stop hassling me
I haven't had a phone for about three weeks. My parents flipped out a little on me, for being out of touch so long. My dad said some harsh shit. He has this gift of accusing me of something I do at the only time I'm not doing it. It's endlessly frustrating. It will be okay, though. I'll get a phone soon, from Alex.
This weekend there's a Halloween party here at my apartment. It will be boss.
We were talking, the other day, half-jokingly, of leaving. What if I just decided I was living it wrong? What if I wanted a change? A big change. Would I be able to do it? What resources do I have available? What would I do if I could do anything? Where would I go? Who would I take with me, who would I leave? It was the first time I'd ever seriously considered running away.
It's not that I feel unhappy or dissatisfied with my life... but it doesn't feel wholly right, either. I keep reassuring myself that it's just a transitional period for everyone, that I'm not supposed to feel settled yet. Then I wonder if my whole life will be spent reassuring myself that it's okay not to live exactly the way I want to. That it's what everybody does. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
please don't change, please don't break
the only thing that seems to work at all is you
I sometimes wish I could quit school. But what would I do, where would I go? I don't think I want a job... or do I? I'm so unsure. I could move back to Rowlett, but I'd miss Emily and Jenna and JJ terribly. My lease doesn't run out officially til July 06, but if I knew what I wanted to do that could be taken care of. And I could not move back in with my parents. I'm too far gone for that, now. I need more freedom than that. So I'd have to find another place. Should I switch schools, maybe? Maybe it's UNT that doesn't fit me. A lot of people transfer, and are a lot happier. I already have connections here, but not that many. I haven't impressed anyone here, I don't stand out.
I could go on for hours. It's an endless loop of thought in my mind... what to do? What's wrong? How can I fix it? I dull it with friends and drugs and TV, or I throw myself into my schoolwork. I wish I could exercise my stress away, like some people do. Then I wouldn't be so fat. But that's a total other loop.
I guess I have a lot on my mind. I feel like something just behind my vision is getting bigger and bigger, just waiting to pop out of the wings and present itself as the great dilemma of my life.
i wish the real world would just stop hassling me